Life after Loss
by PMakepeace98
Summary: Beatrice Prior watched her family die when she was 5. She lived with the Eaton family for a week before being adopted by her Dauntless godmother Hana. Follow her Dauntless life. This story starts when she is 14, Tobias Eaton is transferring to Dauntless. Will they remember each other? Will they fall in love? Will there be a war? Foutris. Sheke. Urlene. Chrill.I don't own Divergent.
1. Remembrance and Choosing Day

Life after Loss

Chapter 1: Remembrance and Choosing Day

It has been exactly nine years since that fateful day and I remember it clearly.

Too clearly.

It has been stitched into every fibre of my brain and I can't let it go.

It was the day my family were murdered. Right in front of my eyes.

Well, not literally in front of my eyes, my parents seemed to know what was coming. They made me hide under the floor boards, my brother was meant to hide there as well, but it was too late, they had already arrived. My brother slammed the floorboard down to cover me and they were all killed. I saw what happened through the small gaps in the floor, I just had to be quiet until the murderers left.

It was hard.

So, so hard.

Watching your mother, your father, your brother die and remaining quiet as they do.

They were stabbed and beaten and shot repeatedly.

Right in front of my eyes.

When the murderers had left I got out from under the floor and looked at my family as they laid, lifeless on the floor in front of me.

It was only then that I let myself cry, and scream, and shout as loud as my five year old self could.

I managed to cry, and scream, and shout loud enough to wake my neighbour, Marcus Eaton, who was, and still is a leader. Him, his wife and his son rushed over to my house and barged in to see me crying and my family, dead on the floor.

His wife, Evelyn, and his son, Tobias, rushed over to me to try and calm me down whilst Marcus made sure they were actually dead. He called an ambulance and their bodies were taken away from me.

I stayed with the Eaton family for a week, until I was adopted by my godmother from Dauntless, Hana Pedrad.

I joined Dauntless and fitted right in, but it didn't stop the nightmares, or the visions, or the heartache. I still remember everything.

In their wills I was left all of their possessions, though it was selfish for the Abnegation to have things that mattered to them, my parents had some though, because Caleb also died it was all left to me. It is all in my closet, here in Dauntless, waiting for a time where I might use them.

Now I am a fourteen year old Dauntless with PTSD, living with a new family, and with new friends.

My new family consists of Hana Pedrad, my new mum, Zeke Pedrad, my new older brother, and Uriah Pedrad, the new brother that is the same age as me. There was Michael Pedrad, my new father, but he died of cancer a few years back, when I was ten.

Having my new dad die only five years after my real dad died was horrible, it made everything worse, my PTSD, everything.

My new family are amazing, they love me and I love them, they help me through everything and they are the best new family I could ask for.

I also have friends, Marlene, who is the same age as me, Lynn is also the same age as me, and Shauna, who is the same age as Zeke. They are also amazing, they help me through whatever I am going through, they are also part of my family.

A knock on the door breaks me from my thoughts.

"Tris, honey, you need to get ready. We need to get going in an hour and a half and I know you will probably want some breakfast before we go." Hana says through the door.

"Okay." I say back.

I listen as the sounds of her feet hitting the concrete floor get quieter and quieter as they get further away.

Today is Zeke's and Shauna's choosing ceremony, where they get to choose the faction they get to spend the rest of their lives in. Everyone has one when they turn sixteen years old, it's when you become an adult, you get to choose where you want to spend your life, you choose who you want to be.

The day before your choosing ceremony however you have a test, the aptitude test. It tells you what faction you fit into better, helping you when it comes to choosing where you want to live.

I am only attending today because Zeke and Shauna are choosing.

I climb out of my warm bed, the cold floor sends a chill up my bare legs from where I am only wearing black shorts and a dark grey t-shirt.

I walk into my en-suite bathroom and wash my face and brush my teeth, I showered last night so I don't have to do it again.

I enter my bedroom again and walk to my closet, the stuff from my Abnegation home is in the back of it, Dauntless is in the front. Everything is black or dark colours like greys, reds, purples or blues.

I grab some black leggings and a dark red tank top that shows the tattoo I got a few weeks ago after having to watch my family die again, in a dream, obviously. I am underage but Tori let me, she's another one of my friends and she owns the tattoo parlour. I thought it might help. I got a tattoo of three ravens flying towards my heart, it starts on my collar bone. One for each member of my blood family.

To be honest it hasn't really helped, but it's nice knowing I will always have them with me.

I get changed and tie my blonde hair into a ponytail, put on some foundation, eyeliner and mascara before pulling on a black leather jacket and sliding my feet into my black combat boots and tying up their thick laces.

I leave the room and walk to the kitchen/dining room where I find Hana, Zeke and Uriah waiting for me at the dining table, eating some pancakes. Hana always does pancakes on a special occasion, they're amazing.

I join them, taking my seat in between my brothers, and I grab some pancakes from the plate in the middle of the table and put them on my own plate before topping them with lemon juice and sugar.

"Did you sleep okay last night, Tris?" Hana asks me, she always does, every morning.

"Not really." I answer quietly before starting to eat my pancakes.

My real name isn't Tris, by the way, it's Beatrice Prior, but when I came to Dauntless I wanted to change my name to make it sound more Dauntless. On my sixth birthday Hana gave me a form where I could change my name, I only found out it was my birthday because Hana and Michael looked it up on my birth certificate and decided to throw a party for me, in Abnegation you aren't allowed to know your birthday, it's considered self-indulgent. So I changed my name to Tris Prior-Pedrad, and I have been called that ever since.

We continue to eat our breakfast in peace.

…

Hana, Uriah and I are currently sitting in the Dauntless part of the audience of the choosing ceremony, waiting for it to finish.

Zeke and Shauna have already had their turn, they both chose to stay in Dauntless and, to be honest, I am blocking out the rest of it.

At least, that was the plan until a name caught my eye.

This year is Dauntless' turn to host and Max just called out the name Tobias Eaton. The boy who tried to calm me down when my family died.

I sit more forward so I can watch closely as Tobias walks over to the five bowls and takes his knife from Max's hand. He slices his hand, just as every sixteen year old has to, and puts his hand over the Abnegation bowl, looking at something in the audience, I follow his line of sight and see he is looking at his father, Marcus.

I look back at Tobias and watch as he moves his hand over to the Dauntless bowl and lets one little drop of blood drip onto the hot coals.

Tobias Eaton is coming to Dauntless.

The boy I lived with for a week is coming to Dauntless.

He has grown since I last saw him, a lot, though he was seven at the time.

I watch as he takes his seat amongst the Dauntless and think about how he always tried to comfort me when I was staying with him, he always hugged me and looked after me, he always tried to make me laugh, and on most occasions it worked, we became quite good friends in the period of a week.

…

We are on the train back home now, us Dauntless are in the first car, the transfers are in the second, but Tobias is in here. I am sitting alone in the far left corner of the car, watching as Amar, the initiation instructor, talks to him, my knees are tucked up to my chest and my arms are wrapped tight around them.

Tobias catches my eye and I think I see some recognition in them. I'm not quite sure. He excuses himself from his conversation with Amar and walks slowly over to me.

"Is it all right if I sit with you?" He asks me.

I nod and he sits next to me, his legs straight out in front of him.

"I think I recognise you from somewhere." He tells me quietly as he looks me in the eyes.

"I recognise you as well, Toby." I tell him, Toby is what I called him when I stayed with him, but only for the last few days of my stay.

"Beatrice?" He asks.

I nod.

"It's just Tris, now, though." I tell him.

"It's so good to see you again." He says.

"It's good to see you again, too." I reply.

"How are you doing?" He asks, wary of whether he should ask that question or not.

"I'm coping, I have PTSD, though." I tell him.

He nods.

"How are you?" I ask.

"I'm okay, I suppose." He answers.

"Why'd you choose Dauntless?" I question.

"I wanted to be free. I wanted to get away from it all. I wasn't selfless enough. Also, a small part of me was hoping I'd get to see you again." He says, smiling sadly.

I smile back at him, but with a small smile.

"It would be good to get to know you again, and it would be good to have another friend around here. I mean, I have friends, but it would be nice to have someone from back home." I say.

"Yeah, I'd also like to meet your friends." He tells me.

"You will, I'll make sure of it." I say.

"We're here." Amar shouts.

A few seconds later people are starting to jump off the train. I stand and so does Tobias.

"Now what?" He asks.

"We have to jump from the train onto the roof." I reply.

"O-okay." He stutters.

"Together." I say, holding out my hand.

"Together." He repeats as he takes my hand, sending a jolt of electricity through my body. I wonder if he felt it too.

We count to three and we jump, successfully landing on the roof. Well, Tobias lands on his knees, causing me to fall as well so I am at the same level as him.

"Well, I have to go down the stairs with Hana and Uriah, who are my adoptive family, you get the fun way in. I'll see you at dinner, you can come and sit with me if you want." I say.

"Okay, see you at dinner." He says, smiling.

I stand and walk over to Hana and Uriah, Lynn and her parents are here as well since she is Shauna's sister. We all walk down the stairs together.

"So, Tris, why were you talking to that Stiff?" Uriah asks.

"Uri, you know that I was also a Stiff. I stayed with him and his family before I can to live with you guys." I tell him.

"Oh, okay." He says.

"Also, I said he could sit with us at dinner as he probably doesn't know anyone else." I say.

"That's fine, sweetie." Hana says. "Looks like you still have some of your Abnegation ways in you."

I nod.

We decide to spend the next few hours in our apartment as we wait for dinner time.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**This is a new story I came up with, I hope you enjoy it.**

**I will update again as soon as I can.**

**Please Review!**


	2. Dinner

Life after Loss

Chapter 2: Dinner

It is dinner time now. Hana, Uriah and I are walking down to the cafeteria together, the halls are filled with other Dauntless heading down there as well.

We enter the large cafeteria and sit at our usual table with Lynn, her family, Marlene, and her family, as well as Tori, George, Bud and Harrison. Zeke and Shauna are already here, meaning the Dauntless borns are done doing whatever they do. But the transfers aren't here yet.

I take my seat next to Uriah and make sure to leave a spare seat next to me.

"Why's there a spare seat next to you, Tris?" Shauna asks.

"Her Abnegation friend transferred to here and he's sitting with us." Uriah says.

"Ooh." Mar, Lynn and Shauna say.

I look down and blush.

The door opens as I grab a burger and some chips from the middle of the table, putting them on my plate before putting some ketchup in the burger. I look at the door and see Amar and the transfers enter the room, all of whom are wearing black now.

Tobias looks around and catches my eye. He smiles at me before walking over to me, but he doesn't sit down yet.

"You can sit down you know." I tell him and he obliges, filling the empty seat next to me.

Amar comes and sits with us as well, taking his seat between George and Bud.

Tobias stares at all of the strange, new food in front of him before taking a hamburger sceptically.

"It's good. Put this in it. Trust me." I say, passing him the ketchup.

He nods and puts it in his burger. All of us around the table watch as he takes his first bite and his eyes widen from enjoyment.

"This is amazing!" He exclaims as he takes another bite. We laugh.

"Tris was the same when she first tried one." Hana tells him.

"Yeah, you should have seen her when she first tried the cake." Zeke says.

"What's your name?" Marlene questions, intrigued.

"Uh…" Tobias stalls.

"Four, his name is Four." Amar says.

We all look at him, shocked.

"He has four fears, his name is going to be Four." Amar continues.

"Four fears? That's unheard of." Tori says, shocked.

We're all shocked.

"You have got to have some cake." Zeke says.

We continue eating, talking and laughing about whatever we think of. Tobias fits in perfectly, he's a Dauntless. I know he is.

Again we watch as he tries his first piece of Dauntless chocolate cake.

"This is heaven!" He says dreamily.

We all laugh again.

"Yep, that is exactly how Tris reacted to her first piece of Dauntless cake." Uriah says.

"So, you looking forward to initiation?" Lynn asks.

"Yeah, I just hope I do well." Tobias answers.

"You will. You're Dauntless. I mean, you have four fears, no one has four fears. That's a new record." I tell him.

"Really? What was the old record?" He asks.

"Eight." George replies.

"We're shooting first tomorrow? You know how to use a gun?" Amar asks.

"Nope, but I'm a fast learner. Once my _dad _taught me how to fix a car engine and I learned everything in a few hours and still know how to do it." Tobias explains before looking down at his plate and gulping. I notice how he hesitated on the word 'dad', but it was barely noticeable. I don't think anyone else noticed, but what is wrong with Marcus.

"Good, the faster you learn, the better you will do." Amar tells him.

Tobias nods.

"You done, kid?" continues the transfers' instructor.

"Yep." Tobias replies.

Amar stands up and shouts out for the transfers to follow him, and they do.

I am already done so I wait for Uriah and Hana to finish so we can go home.

They finish five minutes later and we say bye to everyone before leaving the cafeteria.

When we enter the apartment we take off our shoes and I go and sit on the sofa, turning on the TV, trying to find something to watch.

Uriah and Hana join me as I turn on an old show called The Big Bang Theory, which we all love. Who am I kidding, everything we have to watch is old.

I tuck my knees into my small chest and wrap my arms around them.

"You okay, Tris?" Hana asks.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I return.

She nods and turns her attention back to the screen. They know not to pressure me into saying anything. They know me. They're my family now.

We watch a few episodes of the show before I head to my room, saying goodnight to Hana and Uriah before.

I get washed and dressed into a dark grey t-shirt that once belonged to my real mum, Natalie Prior. It's more like a dress on me, though, a short dress as it ends at my mid-thigh, but a dress. I'm hoping to have a growth spurt though so I can wear it as an actual t-shirt.

I'm not actually tired yet, though, so I decide to go through the trunk of belongings my parents left me. The clothes are all hung up behind my Dauntless ones, but the trunk is full of possessions. Possessions they weren't meant to have but still had. Their little way of rebelling against the faction system. They did like the factions, don't have me wrong, but they weren't Abnegation born. Andrew, my birth father was Erudite, Natalie was Dauntless. She was close friends with Hana and that is how she became my godmother.

There are photo albums, they weren't meant to take photos but they did, obviously in the secrecy of our own home though. None of them were taken outside. Well, accept the ones from before my parents chose Abnegation. They met at school and fell in love, they decided to choose Abnegation so they could be together in a peaceful faction.

There are also their wedding rings. Some letters they wrote to Caleb and I, but I own all of them now. There are ultrasound pictures from when my mum was pregnant, both with Caleb and with myself. Caleb was seven, two years older than I was. He didn't deserve to die. None of them did.

There are books, not educational books but books for entertainment. I have their diaries, I just haven't had the courage to read them, or the letters, yet. I even have my mum's wedding dress, it is right at the back of the closet.

I look at the clock and see that it is now ten o'clock and I have been looking through here for an hour. I put everything away and get into bed, setting my alarm because I have school tomorrow.

I turn off the fairy lights that surround my bed and I close my eyes, drifting into the same un-peaceful sleep as always.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update as soon as I can.**

**Please review!**


	3. Ranks for the end of initiation

Life after Loss

Chapter 3: Ranks for the end of initiation

It has been three weeks since initiation started and now it is coming to an end. I hope Tobias made it, and Zeke. The ranks are being revealed today. Tobias has become very good friends with my friends over the past few weeks, him and Zeke are like brothers, Hana treats him as if he was her own. Shauna, Marlene, Uriah, Tori, Amar and George are all pretty great friends.

He's gotten a lot stronger over the last three weeks as well. Tobias I mean. He's got muscles that he never had before. I can tell because of the t-shirts he wears. All of which are black, I mean, we are in Dauntless so we really only wear black, or dark colours. He also got a tattoo on his back, you can tell because some of it peeks out of the top of his t-shirts, on the back of his neck. But he doesn't show it to anyone.

He fits in well. We play games of Candor or Dauntless, we laugh, have fun, all of us do.

He's Dauntless.

Through and through.

We have an hour until the rankings are revealed and Uriah, Zeke, Tobias, Hana and I are in the apartment, getting ready for the party that will be held here afterwards. Somehow Zeke managed to get Hana to agree to throw a party for the new members of Dauntless.

Tobias is helping me with the food and drinks. We have some alcoholic drinks, beer, larger, vodka, etc. but we also have soft drinks, cola, soda, lemonade (which in my opinion isn't that nice but others like it), we have juices, orange, apple, pineapple, and we have water. For the food we just have some snack foods, or finger foods as some call them… pizza, cocktail sausages, sausage rolls, we have some salad, crisps, cake, biscuits, burgers, hot dogs, etc.

We leave for the rankings about fifteen minutes before they are revealed, they are being revealed in the cafeteria so everyone is going to be there, wanting to know who are going to be members and who aren't.

On the way Tobias takes my hand in his and I feel jolts of what feels like electricity spark through me. I wonder if he felt it too. I don't know what it was but it felt special, it felt good.

I can tell he's nervous by the look on his face, him grabbing my hand is probably because he's nervous as well.

"Hey, you're going to be okay. You're Dauntless, I know you are." I tell him, trying to calm his nerves.

At first all initiates were definitely making it into Dauntless, but, not all of the initiates were working hard enough (this excludes Tobias, he worked very hard to get to where he is now) to make it into Dauntless, they weren't fighting well enough or shooting well enough or whatever, so Max, the Dauntless leader, decided to change things and after about three days of stage one decided to change it so that you had to be in the top ten at the end of initiation to become a Dauntless, if you aren't in the top ten then you will be factionless.

This, overall, made the initiates work harder than they were before, all of them trying to get into Dauntless, even Tobias worked harder, and he didn't need it. He had four fears, which was on his side already, he was bound to make it into Dauntless because of that.

We arrive at the cafeteria and sit at our usual table, Tobias not letting go of my hand the whole time. We grab some food and eat it whilst we wait for the verdict.

Max enters the cafeteria right on time, making his way up to the makeshift stage, standing in front of the microphone.

"Here in Dauntless we aren't very big on speeches. As you know we are here tonight to welcome all new members into Dauntless, everyone in the top ten will stay whilst the others go and live factionless. On the board behind me your ranks will appear, when I say so. Tomorrow all new members will get to pick their jobs and will receive the keys to their apartments. Good luck, here are the rankings."

Max steps to the side as the rankings appear on the screen:

Four (transfer, obviously)

Zeke

Eric (transfer)

Shauna

Lauren (transfer)

Jake (transfer)

Martin

Luke (transfer)

Lucy

Alexa

Tobias came first!

"Congratulations!" I exclaim, wrapping my arms around Tobias' neck.

"Thank you." He says.

Tobias, Zeke and Shauna made it. My friends made it. My family made it.

Everyone is cheering and clapping all around the room.

I see Zeke and Shauna kiss and we all look at them, shocked.

"What's going on?" I question.

"We're kinda dating." Zeke says, smiling at Shauna, who is smiling back at him.

"Congrats, both of you." Hana says, we all congratulate them as well.

"Tris, can I talk to you, somewhere, private, please?" Tobias whispers to me.

I smile and nod before standing and leading him out of the cafeteria, after telling everyone we were going for a walk.

I decide to lead him down to my secret spot in the Chasm. The place only I know about. The place where I come to think about things, alone, in silence, well, other than the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks.

We sit on the ledge and he looks shocked.

"How did you find this place?" He asks.

"Well, a few years after I got here I liked to go out and think about things on my own, it helped. I wanted to find somewhere only I knew about, I was a curious girl, adventurous. I was walking down a hallway I had never been down before, it was deserted so I got curious as to why, then I found this place. I've been coming here ever since, this is my special place, where I come to be alone, and think about anything. I thought I'd share it with you."

"It's amazing." He's amazed.

"I know. What did you want to talk about?"

"I thought it was time to tell you the truth as to why I transferred here. I'm not saying that what I said on the train wasn't the truth, it was, I did want to be free, and I did want to see you again, but there is a reason behind that truth."

"Okay, what is it?"

"When I was nine, my mother died. I was told that she died giving birth, the baby also didn't survive. Marcus had been abusing us for years before that. Beating us with his whip and whatever else he could find. When she died I was his only victim, the only person he could be. So he did. He beat me every day. I still have the scars. I transferred to get away from him. I know it was a cowardly thing to do but I had to get away. I couldn't handle it anymore." He's crying.

"Hey, you're not a coward. You did what you had to do to survive. You did the right thing." I tell him.

"You're not looking at me like I'm a kicked puppy."

"Because you're not. You're strong, and brave, and intelligent, and honest, and selfless, and kind. You're amazing. You aren't a coward. You had to put up with being beaten for years, that's brave. I understand that you'd want to transfer, I've never been beaten before but if I was I knew I wouldn't like it. I would want to leave, too. You're not a coward, Tobias. You're one of the bravest people I know."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For being there, for not looking at me like I'm a kicked puppy. For everything. You're all of those things as well."

"Thanks. So, what job are you thinking of choosing?" I ask, changing the subject because I know he probably doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

"I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to be a leader, or anything that works with the government."

"Well, I remember you telling me that Marcus taught you how to use computers. You could work in the control room. All you do is sit there watching whatever is going on in the city. I think it's good pay as well."

"That sounds good. I also think I might want to train initiates, can I do two jobs?"

"Yeah, initiate training is only a part-time job so you need another job to go with it. You can do both of those jobs if you want." I explain.

"Okay, cool. Thanks."

"No problem. Do you want to go to the party?"

"What do you guys usually do at parties?"

"Drink, dance, play games such as Candor or Dauntless, Never have I ever, or wed, bed, or dead. Sometimes we do karaoke. And that's really it. I'll probably be in my room though, I don't particularly enjoy those types of parties. I don't mind the games, but the dancing and loud music really aren't my things."

"Well, I'll go as long as you stay out of your room."

"Fine, let's go." I say before standing.

We walk back to my apartment and we are about five apartments away when we start hearing the music.

We arrive and I open the door to find god knows how many Dauntless dancing and drinking all over the living room of the apartment. We enter and I close the door before taking his hand and leading him towards the kitchen to get drinks.

"What drink do you want?" I ask.

"Uh, I'll have a beer please."

I nod and pass him a beer before picking up a cola for myself.

We head back into the living room and sit on the sofa. I can tell he doesn't like the loudness of the music or the god knows how many people dancing so close together in not very much space.

"We can go to my room, if you want. We don't have to stay in here." I tell him, having to shout over the music.

He nods and we make a break for my bedroom.

When we get into my room I shut the door and he looks shocked at the fact he can't hear the music.

"Hana had someone soundproof my room because she knows I don't like how loud the music can get." I inform him.

He nods and we sit on my bed.

"So, what things do you like?" He questions.

"Training. Art. Cooking. Dauntless cake. Any food that Dauntless has. Tattoos. Piercings. Reading. And some other things. How about you?"

"Dauntless cake. Food from Dauntless. Tattoos. Cooking. Reading. Training… you." He says the last part really quietly but I caught it.

"You like me?"

"Of course I do, you're amazing Tris. You're brave, selfless, smart, honest, kind, and beautiful. You didn't look at me like I'm a kicked puppy when I told you about my life. You've been through so much more than you should ever have to go through but you still manage to help other people. You are the best person I know Tris. A reason why I wanted to come here was because I wanted to see you again. I'm falling for you."

I look away, blushing.

"I'm younger than you. I'm certainly not pretty. I have PTSD which isn't exactly desirable. I don't have any curves. There are other women out there who are much prettier and…"

He cuts me off by kissing me.

It feels like he is breathing a new energy into me. It's electrifying. It's amazing.

I can't help but kiss back.

"Two years isn't much of an age difference. You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I probably have PTSD as well, and I will be here to help you through everything, I promise. I have nightmares and things because of Marcus, he's even in my fear landscape. I don't care that you don't have many curves, you're still growing, you will get more, plus, you look beautiful the way you are and you always will look beautiful. I don't care about the other women. I care about you. I've been falling for you since the day I met you. When I was still in Abnegation, you were all I could think about. You still are all I can think about. I worked hard in training so I could be with you. When I was being beaten by Marcus, thinking of you is what helped me get through, hoping that one day I would get to see you again if I lived, that got me through it. I'm falling for you Tris. I can't help it. You are the most amazing person I have ever met and I'm going to do everything I can for you, I will be there for you when you need me, I will do everything for you. I promise. I want to be with you Tris."

"Okay." I say, crying.

I want to be with him too.

I'm falling for him, I also have been since the day I met him.

I kiss him this time.

"I'm falling for you, too." I tell him.

After that we just sit there, talking about random things.

**Hey Ravens, here's a bit of Fourtris for you. **

**I saw Insurgent! It's amazing ****J****I love it!**

**SPOILER: **

**I have a theory that the producers showed us how cute Four and Tris were with kids just to make us even more unhappy that they don't end up having any of their own. **

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	4. First year anniversary

Life after Loss

Chapter 4: First year anniversary

Tobias and I have been dating for a year now. I am fifteen years old and he is seventeen. Everyone in Dauntless knows we're dating. They have even given us a ship name – Fourtris.

He works in the control room, and as an initiate trainer, initiation has just finished though for this year, he trained the transfers whilst Amar trained the Dauntless born. He lives just down the hall from us as well, which is great.

We haven't gone all the way yet, I mean I'm fifteen, should fifteen year olds have… you know. I'm not scared of it, I just don't like talking about it, you know, I am from Abnegation.

This year has been amazing. The best year I've had since my family died. We've had fun with our friends, we've had fun together. Life is pretty amazing right now. I don't feel as down as I used to be, and it's all because of him. He makes me feel special, wanted (not that no one else does, Hana, Zeke and Uriah have been amazing at making me feel wanted, so have my friends, but not in the way he does), beautiful, he makes me feel like I belong. Like I really am somebody. I can see us being together for a really long time, maybe until the day we die.

He's taking me out tonight. I don't know where but I don't care where he takes me. All I know is it's going to be special.

Hana is getting me ready at the moment. I am wearing a black dress, one that comes out at the waist and ends at about my mid-thigh. It's got thin straps so it shows my tattoo, and it's black.

Hana is curling my blonde hair at the moment, she's making it so it looks like loose waves, cascading down my back.

My make-up is already done. Just a bit of foundation, mascara and eyeliner. Along with a hint of pink lip balm.

The shoes I'm going to wear are black flats with a bow on the front of them. Mainly because I hate heals and the only other shoes I have are combat boots, trainers, or converses, which don't tend to go with dresses.

She finishes with ten minutes to spare.

"You look beautiful." She tells me.

"Thank you, for helping me get ready."

"No problem. Now go and wait for your boyfriend."

I go in the living room and wait for Tobias to knock on the door.

And he does, right on time.

I answer it and he looks at me, his mouth wide open.

"You look… beautiful." He says.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself." I say in return, skimming my eyes over the black shirt and black trousers he is wearing.

"Thanks. You ready to go?" He holds his hand out for me.

"Yeah." I take his hand and leave the apartment, shutting the door behind me.

He leads me down some hallways.

"Where are we going?" I question, being the curious me that I am.

"It's a surprise."

I groan in response.

"You know I hate surprises."

"Don't worry, this one is a good one. I hope."

Eventually we end up in our spot, in the Chasm.

It's got a picnic mat on the rock and a picnic basket. There are fairy lights on the wall around the ledge we sit on. There are wine glasses, a clear vase with a variety of flowers in it, and everything looks amazing.

"It's amazing."

"I'm glad you like it. Let's take a seat." He says, helping me sit down before sitting down himself, facing me.

He opens the basket and pulls out a plate full of burgers and chips, my favourite, as well as a plate with some Dauntless cake on it. He then pulls out a bottle of cola and pours it into the two wine glasses. All of the food and drink I love is here, with the man I am falling more and more in love with every day.

When he has poured the cola into the glasses and has put the bottle on the ledge he looks up at me, I kiss him.

"I love you." I tell him, for the first time since we have been dating.

"Say it again." He says, smiling.

"Tobias, I love you."

"I love you, too."

We kiss again.

"Thank you, for making me feel special. For everything."

"You are special. You are everything to me. I love you more than anything in the entire universe." He says.

"You are everything to me, as well. I love you more than anything in the entire universe." I reply.

"Let's eat." He suggests.

I nod and we eat, talking and laughing about whatever comes to our minds.

"Do you want to know what Zeke told me the other day?" He asks.

I nod.

"He told me that he wants to propose to Shauna."

I'm shocked.

"Really?"

"Yeah. He says, they have been dating for just over a year, and he loves her more than anything, he wants her to be his wife. ASAP. He's even brought a ring, he just doesn't know when to pop the question. I thought they were a bit too young to be getting married."

"In Dauntless age doesn't matter. You can get married and have kids at any age you want. No one will judge, not to your face anyway. But yeah, they are a little young in my opinion. Though, if they truly love each other and want to get married they should go for it."

"Do you see yourself getting married and having kids?" He asks me, and for a second I am taken aback by it.

"Maybe, but not now, obviously. I'm only fifteen. Maybe in a few years. How about you?"

"I would like to get married, and maybe have kids. But if I did become a father I would constantly be terrified of turning into my own father."

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you. You're nothing like him Tobias, you're kind, gentle, loving. You're the best man I know. You're not going to be anything like him, ever. Also, I'm kinda hoping that I'll be there with you. So I know you'll never do anything, because I'll be there, and you aren't like him."

"You want to be with me for that long. Long enough to get married and have kids."

"I love you, Tobias. Only you. I can only picture loving you. I would love to marry you and have kids with you, not now, but in the future, yes. That is, if you want those things with me."

"Of course I want those things with you, Tris. I was just worried that you didn't."

"I do, Tobias. I do."

He kisses me and I kiss back.

He's the only man I could ever love in this way. I know that now.

"So, I take it that means you're staying in Dauntless when you choose."

"I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. This is my home. You are my home. My family is my home, and you are part of my family, Tobias."

"Well, I hope Amar lets me train the Dauntless borns next year then, I want to make sure you don't get too hurt."

"It would be nice, having you teach me. But wouldn't you get in trouble by Max and Eric? Everyone knows we're dating and dating your instructor is probably against the rules."

"We did start dating before initiation started. But I will ask. Hopefully they say yes."

"Hopefully." I agree.

"It's getting late, I should probably get you home."

I groan.

"Hana's rules, not mine. You have school in the morning. But first, I have something to give you."

"Tobias, you've done enough, you didn't have to get me anything. You told me not to get you anything."

"That's because you're all I need."

"You're all I need as well."

"Still, I had to get you something, so I got you…" He grabs something from the bottom of the picnic basket. It's a long, rectangular box. "This." He opens it and inside is the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. It's silver and has a 'T' on the chain which is decorated with black and grey diamonds lining the outside.

"Tobias, it's beautiful. Thank you."

"No problem. Turn it around."

I turn the 'T' around and see that something is engraved on the back of it. It reads 'T+T=FOREVER'.

I lean forward and kiss him.

"Thank you, so much. I love you."

"I love you, too. Do you want me to put it on you before I walk you home?"

I nod and turn around. He wraps the cold metal around my neck and clasps it at the back before standing and helping me up.

"What about the stuff?" I ask as he leads me home.

"I'll get it tomorrow. I will also meet you at the end of school, outside the school obviously."

We get to my apartment and we turn to face one another.

"Thank you, for such a great night."

"Don't worry about it. You deserve to be happy and I'm trying to make you happy."

"Well, you are making me happy. So, goodnight. I love you."

"Goodnight, I love you, too."

We kiss again and he leaves after saying one more goodnight.

I watch him walk to his apartment, smiling.

This has been one great year, and I can't wait for another one.

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	5. Home is where the heart is

Life after Loss

Chapter 5: Home is where the heart is

I walk out of school with Uri, Mar and Lynn at my side. There are joking around, laughing about our science teacher and how they failed their experiment in class today. Massively. She ended up with black powder covering her face. It was hilarious.

I see Tobias in the distance, waiting by the train tracks for us. Well, for me.

I smile at him and he smiles at me.

"Ooh, there's your boyfriend. You two going on another date? Gonna do some addition or multiplication?" Uri teases.

"Shut up, Uri. You know we haven't done anything like that yet, and you know I want to wait. Just because you and Mar have already done it doesn't give you the right to tease others because they haven't." I reply, I watch as Uri's and Mar's faces turn bright red and I laugh.

They have been dating for a few months now and I know they did it because I overheard a conversation about it between my brothers.

I walk away from them and make my way to Tobias, planting a kiss on his lips when I get to him.

"Hey." I say when I pull away.

"Hi. What did you say to make Uriah and Marlene blush like that?" He questions, smiling brightly at me.

"Well, he asked if you were gonna do it and I had a go at him whilst mentioning the fact that he and Mar did it not too long ago themselves. But I did say I wasn't ready and we haven't done anything yet. I told him off for teasing others about not doing it. Anyway, what are we doing tonight?"

"We are going on a train ride. Then I thought we could go to my apartment for a while and watch a movie or whatever. I will also make some dinner for us." He tells me.

"Okay."

When the train come we jump into a carriage, the third one, the one that no one gets in. I don't know why they don't but it's the one Tobias and I get in whenever we ride the train together.

We sit with our backs against the wall opposite the open door, watching the city pass by. His arm around my shoulders and my head leaning on his shoulder. Our hands joined together by our interlocking fingers.

"Zeke and Shauna are engaged." He whispers.

"What? Really?" I ask, slightly shocked as I move so I can look at him.

"Yeah, he took her on a date last night, whilst we were out, to the place where they had their first kiss and he proposed, she said yes. They're getting married." He tells me, smiling slightly.

"Wow, I'm happy for them."

"Yeah, me too."

"Do you know when they're planning on getting married?"

"Nope, but he said they want to get married soon. Like before your choosing ceremony, just in case you decide to go somewhere else. They want you, Uriah, Marlene and Lynn there and they don't know if you're staying or not so they're doing it before you have to choose."

"Okay, cool. I'm not going anywhere else though, I'm staying in Dauntless."

"I'm glad. I love you, Tris."

"I love you, too, Tobias."

We kiss.

…

Tobias and I just finished watching a movie together. Now he is in the kitchen, making us some dinner whilst I sit on the sofa watching TV.

I feel so natural here, like this is my home, Tobias is my home. And he is. I can imagine us, one day, living together in this very same apartment. Maybe a slightly bigger one depending on how many children we have when the time comes to it.

This apartment has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room. He got a large apartment because he came first in his initiation. He is a Dauntless prodigy now. Four fears. First initiate in the class.

The Dauntless love him.

He was offered a leadership job but he didn't take it. He doesn't want to see Marcus and he would if he was a leader.

"Tris, dinner's ready!" He calls from the kitchen after a while of me sitting watching TV.

I smile before standing and making my way to the kitchen to find the small table set up with two plates of chicken, mash and green vegetables, a pot of gravy and two glasses of orange juice.

"A very Abnegation meal." I say, smiling as I sit at the table.

He sits in the seat opposite me and pours some gravy on mine and his meals before we start eating.

God, it tastes so good!

"This is amazing. Where did you learn to cook like this?" I question, fully wanting to know the answer.

"Abnegation. I had to make dinner every night and if I made a mistake I was punished, so I learnt how to make things the right way and I wasn't beaten as much."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up."

"No, it's fine. I'm glad you like my cooking."

"I love your cooking. You should cook for me more often."

"I'm hoping that one day I'll get to cook for you all the time."

We both smile before eating again.

"So, I talked to Amar, Eric and Max about next year's initiation. They were going to change it up a little anyway, so that the transfers and Dauntless borns are trained together, by Amar and I. So, you'll be training alongside the transfers, and Amar and I will be training all of you together." He informs me.

"Great."

"However, we can't show our relationship in front of the transfers, just in case they think your rank is out of favouritism. And Amar will be giving you your rank, I can't have any say in it."

"They do realise I am friends with Amar, right?"

"Yeah, but apparently my love for you will cloud my judgement more than his friendship towards you will. And he has more experience."

"Well, it's fine with me."

"It's fine with me, too. But I won't be able to kiss or hold you all day."

"Well, we can do that after and before training. Plus, it only lasts three weeks, then we can do whatever the hell we want, whenever we want to do it." I say, trying to lighten his mood.

"I was going to ask you about that, actually. I know we still have months until you go through initiation but I was wandering if maybe you'd like to move in with me, after initiation of course." He's nervous.

"I would love to move in with you. This place already feels like my home. You are my home. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"You're my home, too."

He reaches his hand across the table and takes my hand in his.

"Home is where the heart is, Tris, and my heart is with you."

My heart is with his.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

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	6. Wedding

Life after Loss

Chapter 6: Wedding

Twenty weeks later and today is the day of Shauna's and Zeke's wedding. I am a bridesmaid. Tobias is the best man. Marlene is the maid of honour. Lynn is another bridesmaid. Shauna's dad is giving her away. Uriah is a groomsman. Shauna's brother Hector is also going to be a groomsman. Hana, Amar, Tori, Harrison, Bud, and all our friends' families are going to be in the audience. So, it's a small wedding, but who cares? They're getting married. This is one of the best days of their lives and they can have it however they want to have it.

At the moment Shauna, Marlene, Lynn, Hana and I are in my bedroom, getting ready. I am already ready though, the bridesmaid/maid of honour dresses are black, clingy, strapless and come up to our mid-thighs. They show our curves, well, I don't have many, but I have filled out since last year. I am now a C-cup, and I have more curves than I did before. I am also a bit taller than before as well, I am 5'6, still short-ish but I'm taller than I used to be.

My hair has been curled and is in a half-up, half-down style. My make-up is simple, foundation, eyeliner, eye shadow and mascara. However, I do have to where heals, which sucks. But, it's their wedding, if they want it this way I can't complain.

Shauna's wedding dress is also black, but it puffs out slightly at the waist and is floor-length. There is also a train behind it and she has a silver tiara to go with it. Her hair is the same as all of us bridesmaids and so is her make-up. She wanted things to be simple.

We are just doing some finishing touches when there is a knock on the door. I open it and find Shauna's dad on the other side.

"Hey, Tris. Are you girls done yet?" He asks kindly.

I nod and let him in.

He gasps when he sees Shauna in her dress. I see tears fill the corners of his eyes as he walks over to her and wraps her in his arms.

Its times like these that make me feel kinda jealous.

When I get married my dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle or dance with me during the reception. My brother can't take his place either. When I have kids my mum won't be there to hold my hand during the birth. I have Hana, obviously, she said she would be there because she always wanted a daughter of her own that she could be with when they give birth and I'm the closest thing she has to a daughter so she wants to be there. But she's not my mum. Not my real one anyway.

I feel tears in my eyes so I leave the room and go to the kitchen, hoping a glass of water might freshen me up a little.

As I'm drinking I hear someone else enter the room. I turn around and find Hana standing there with a small smile on her face.

"Are you okay, Tris?"

I nod.

"You're thinking about your parents and brother again aren't you?"

I nod again.

"Tris, you're not alone. You have all of us here with you. We are your family now. We will be here for you, through everything."

She wraps her arms around me.

"I know you will. I just miss them."

"I know. And what happened to you and them was horrible, it shouldn't have happened. But it did. That is just one obstacle you have to get through, and there will be more. We will be here, every step of the way. Through every obstacle."

"Thank you. For everything."

"Don't worry about it."

…

The wedding is now over and we are all in the training room, which has been redesigned and changed into the reception area. We have all eaten an array of Dauntless foods; hamburgers, pizza, fries, cake, salad, etc. now most people are on the dancefloor, dancing.

I say most people because Tobias and I are sitting at our table, watching everyone move to the fast beat of the music. Our fingers intertwined as he draws random patterns on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"You know, Hana told me it's your birthday in four weeks. Why didn't you tell me when your birthday is?" He asks.

"Because I don't like to celebrate my birthday."

"Why?"

"Because it reminds me of my family. It's one of the days where my parents were extremely un-Abnegation and bought me things and made me pancakes for breakfast and made me a birthday cake. They did the same on my brother's birthday. To be fair we didn't know it was our birthday, they just told us it was a special day. I found out when my birthday was the first year I was in Dauntless, on my birthday Hana had a party for me and gave me a name change certificate and I changed my name. Since then we haven't done anything on my birthday, they know I don't want any special treatment just because it was the day I was born. But, Hana does make me pancakes for breakfast."

"Okay, but can I at least buy you something?"

"As long as it's nothing too expensive."

"Okay. Would you like to dance?"

"I don't dance."

"Neither do I."

"Then why are you asking me to dance?" I smile at him.

"Because it's a wedding. You're supposed to have fun."

"I am having fun, just sitting here, with you, watching everyone else dance. Also, I'm wearing heals, which means I will probably fall flat on my face and make a fool of myself."

"Well, I'll hold you up, so you don't fall."

He gives me puppy dog eyes.

"Fine."

I say taking his outstretched hand.

We walk to the edge of the dancefloor and I wrap my arms around his neck whilst he wraps his around my waist.

We sway to the music, looking into each other's eyes as if it's a staring contest but really we are just looking into the deepest parts of each other, or trying to. I can see the pain in his eyes that his father left him. But I can also see the love he has for me in them.

In mine he can probably see my pain as well as my love for him.

We're both covered in scars, whether they're physical or emotional, or both. But we have each other. We always will. We can help each other through our nightmares and our tough times. Because we know how to mend each other.

Him being with me makes me feel better, and me being with him makes him feel better.

Together we can mend each other.

And, maybe, one day we can give our kids the lives we didn't have. The parents we didn't have.

We can get through everything.

Together.

**Hey Ravens, another chapter today, aren't you lucky?**

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	7. Sixteen

Life after Loss

Chapter 7: Sixteen

I wake up and know that today is my sixteenth birthday. I know it's nothing special. The only thing that happens this year is that I get to choose the rest of my life, I become an adult. But I also know that Tobias is going to try his hardest to make me change my mind on how I feel about my birthday. He's going to make me like my birthday again, or he's going to attempt to do that. I promised him he could get me one present but I know he's going to do more than that. I know others are probably going to help him as well.

I climb out of bed and make my way to my en-suite. I shower, wash and brush my teeth before walking back into my room.

I get dressed into some black underwear, and a black bra, black leggings with a dark red crop top that hangs off one shoulder, showing off my tattoo.

I dry my hair and style it into a side fishtail braid.

I put on minimal make-up which includes foundation, eyeliner and mascara.

I spray on some deodorant and perfume.

I put on my combat boots.

I put on my black leather jacket.

I leave the room, closing the door behind me.

I walk into the kitchen to find Hana and Uriah making pancakes and laughing at whatever the other said or done. I sit at the table and find an envelope with my name on it. But not my Dauntless name, my real name. Beatrice Grace Prior.

No one knew my middle name was Grace, other than my parents.

I feel tears form in my eyes and I see Hana turn to me in the corner of my eye.

"Hey, your mum wanted me to give it to you when you turned sixteen. But I understand if you don't want to read it yet." She tells me, I nod.

I hear a knock on the door and decide to go and get it myself.

I open it and find Tobias, Zeke and Shauna standing outside the door.

"Hey guys." I say, wiping my eyes as I let them in. Thanking myself for putting waterproof eye make-up on.

"Are you okay?" Tobias asks as I shut the door.

I nod and he wraps his arms around me. I lean into him.

"Happy birthday." He whispers.

I smile slightly and pull away, taking his hand and leading him to the kitchen to find Hana and Uriah smiling as they look at a small piece of white card. Hana has tears in her eyes and Uriah screams in excitement as he gives Zeke a brotherly hug and hugs Shauna as well.

"What's going on?" I ask.

They turn to Tobias and I, all smiling.

"I'm pregnant." Shauna answers and I smile.

"Congratulations." I reply, hugging my adoptive brother and sister-in-law.

"Thanks. Happy birthday, Tris." Zeke says.

We sit down and eat breakfast together, the letter staring me in the face the entire time.

We find out that Shauna is eight weeks along in her pregnancy, but they didn't find out until a week ago as she only started getting symptoms then.

We talk about other things as well.

When breakfast is over I take the letter into my room and open my closet, pulling out the box of things from my parents. I put it in there and move the box back into my closet.

When I stand I find Tobias, entering my room.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you want to go out?"

"Sure."

He takes my hand and leads me out of the apartment.

It isn't long before we find ourselves on our way down a familiar path to our spot in the Chasm.

We sit on the ledge, next to each other, watching the waves crash against the rocks, occasionally getting sprayed by stray water.

"So, you agreed to one present from me. Here." He hands me a small square box which is wrapped in black wrapping paper.

I take it and unwrap it, finding a black box. I lift the lid on the box to find a gold key with 'T+T=Forever' engraved on it in a swirly font.

"It's a key to my apartment. So you can come whenever you want, no matter what time it is, no matter what you need, I'll be here. For you. Also, I thought I'd get a key ready for when you move in after initiation, so, here it is. Happy birthday." He explains.

"Thank you. I love it." I say before kissing him sweetly.

We sit there, for a while, in silence, just watching the waves.

"How're you liking your birthday so far?"

"Well, I got a letter from my parents that they wanted Hana to give me when I turned sixteen, I haven't read it yet because I haven't read any of the letters they have written me. I found out I'm kinda gonna be an aunt. You gave me an amazing birthday present. I'm spending the day with you. So, yeah, it's okay. But I still don't like my birthday."

"Why haven't you read any of your parents' letters? There could be important things in there."

"I would, but I'm scared of what they will say. I'm scared that it will bring back too many memories and I won't be able to handle it. I'm just, scared."

"Why don't I read them with you? So you're not alone. You don't have to do things on your own, Tris."

"You'd really do that?"

"I would do anything for you, Tris. We can read one a day, together, until we find out the truth. We can do it however you want. We'll do it together though."

"Okay. Thank you, for everything."

"It's all right. I love you."

"I love you, too."

We kiss, passionately, until we need to pull away for air.

"Can we go and read one?" I ask.

"Of course. Anything you want."

We stand and head back to the apartment.

We enter my room, shut the door and I get the box out of the closet.

I grab the pile of letters addressed to me and notice there are numbers in the corner of the envelopes, probably telling me in which order I have to read them.

I take out the first one and open it, pulling out the letter and I read it. Tobias sitting next to me the entire time.

_Dear Beatrice,_

_You should know that your father and I love you and your brother more than anything in the world, and that is why we are trying our hardest to keep you both safe. We will continue to do so until the end, which we fear is coming soon. _

_I know that you're only reading this because we are gone, but I promise we will look over you for the rest of your lives. We will always love you, no matter what. _

_I know you probably want to know the truth about what happened the night we died, and we're going to tell you. Now, we are going to start at the beginning. _

_I am from outside the fence, from a different city. Yes, there are more cities like this one, and many that are different. My city failed and many people died. I managed to escape, though, and eventually I found myself in a place called the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. Which is kind of the head of everything going on in the country. _

_Terrible things were happening inside our city, the one you live in. Divergents were being killed only because they are different. We had to send someone in so we could help them. They sent me. _

_They put me in Dauntless because I had a tattoo and it seemed to fit me the most. I made great friends, Hana, Bud, Tori, Harrison, etc. A year later was the choosing ceremony and I had already fallen for your father, and your father for I, as we had met in school and became lovers. I was meant to choose Erudite, so I could do my job in the faction that is causing the trouble. But Andrew told me things about Jeanine Matthews, who he used to be good friends with, and others in Erudite. _

_So we chose Abnegation instead, I was still able to do my job from there. _

_But the leader of the Bureau, David is his name, he was angry. He always had a crush on me and hated the fact that I changed our plans because I was in love with someone else. He was jealous. Angry. Annoyed. _

_He started threatening us as soon as we moved to Abnegation. We knew we were going to be killed at some point. _

_When I found out I was pregnant with Caleb I was beyond terrified of losing him, or of leaving him. But nothing happened. We were safe. Two years later I was pregnant with you and was terrified of losing you, or leaving you and Caleb. But nothing happened for years. We still got threats, sure. _

_I'm sorry that we aren't here for you anymore, but we will always be watching you, from above. We will always love you. _

_I hope that you go on to have a bright future full of happiness and love. You are the most amazing daughter I could have ever asked for. _

_Just be careful. He may be after you as well. _

_Love,_

_Mum and Dad xxx_

I sit there, on the floor. Crying into Tobias' chest.

I know the truth. Or some of it.

He may be after me as well.

"Everything's going to be okay." Tobias whispers to me.

I just cry.

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	8. The next step

Life after Loss

Chapter 8: The next step

Twenty five weeks have passed since my birthday. Shauna is thirty three weeks pregnant, with a boy. Tobias and I have been reading more of my parents' letters. There are a lot so we haven't gotten through them all yet. They just tell us about the origins of my name (I'm named after my mum's mum, Beatrice, and my dad's mum, Grace), Caleb is named after our parents' fathers. They also go into more detail about their lives, about Jeanine, David, the Bureau, etc. Now I kinda hate Jeanine, apparently she did some quite bad things when she was little. And apparently she has taken over hunting Divergents.

Tomorrow's my aptitude test.

I'm terrified.

What if I don't belong in Dauntless?

What if I'm Divergent?

After reading the letter about Jeanine also hunting Divergents, Tobias told me he was one of them.

He's Divergent.

Abnegation and Dauntless is what his aptitude is.

She could kill him if she ever found out.

I promised him that after my test I would tell him what my result was.

Right now I am in Tobias' apartment, waiting for him to come home from work.

I've been coming here a lot since he gave me the key.

I come here when I have a nightmare, when I'm sad, when I feel lonely, whenever I want.

I am sitting on his sofa, with a bottle of cola in my hand, watching TV. Waiting.

School isn't on today for sixteen year olds. They want us to think about what we might choose in two days from now. They want us to think about where we might want to spend the rest of our lives without the influence of the test because apparently the test changes people's minds, a lot.

Hana is at work, Uriah is with Marlene and Lynn, Zeke is at work, and Shauna is sleeping because she's on maternity leave. Everyone is at work or doing something.

I would have gone with Uriah, Marlene and Lynn. But the truth is, I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to think about what I want out of life. I wanted to think about what I have read in the letters from my parents. I wanted to think about everything.

Here is where I can do that.

I think about a life with Tobias and my friends, my family.

Maybe getting married and having kids.

Working in the tattoo parlour alongside Tori. And as an initiate trainer along with Tobias.

Playing games and having parties.

Shopping, no matter how much I hate it.

Zip lining.

Spending time with the people I love and care about.

Meeting new people.

Doing anything I want to do.

Doing anything I can do.

I hear the door open, breaking me from my thoughts. I see Tobias enter the apartment and smile.

He closes the door and smiles at me.

"I knew you'd be here. You wanna go to lunch or stay here and I can make something for you?" He asks.

"Stay."

"Okay. What do you want? I can do pasta, with sauce?"

"Sounds amazing."

"Okay. I'll be back in a bit."

He kisses me sweetly and heads to the kitchen.

…

Thirty minutes later I am broken away from my thoughts again by a bowl of pasta being put in front of my face.

I look up and see Tobias holding two bowls of pasta with forks in, he is handing one to me, I take it. He sits next to me and we eat.

"God, this is amazing." I say.

"I'm glad you like it."

"I love it. I should come here more often for food."

"Well, soon you'll be living with me and I will make you food all the time."

"That sounds amazing."

We finish eating and put our bowls on the coffee table.

"What were you thinking about earlier?" He asks me.

"Everything. The letters. You. My friends. My family. Life. The aptitude test."

"You're scared, aren't you?"

"A little bit." That's an understatement.

"Tris, be honest with me. You'd be a terrible Candor, so there's that one ruled out for you."

I laugh a bit.

"Fine. I'm terrified. I'm scared I'm Divergent, and that I'll be hunted by Jeanine. I'm scared that one day you'll be taken from me by her, or anyone else, or vice versa. I don't want to lose you, and if she's hunting Divergents then I might lose you. I couldn't handle losing you, Tobias. You make everything better for me. I feel happier when I'm around you. I don't have as many nightmares at night when I'm sleeping with you. I'm not as depressed. You just make everything better, as I have said before. If I lost you, I'd be nothing. I'd be gone. I'd rather die than lose you. I've lost my real, blood, family. Now I have this amazing family who isn't through blood but feel like family anyway and I couldn't lose any of them. But you are more like family to me than anyone. If I lost you, I would die. Literally. I love you."

"Tris, you aren't going to lose me, I promise. If you are Divergent, we'll get through it, together. I can show you a way to get through stages two and three of initiation without being found out. Just so you know, you're my family too. If I ever lost you I would die, literally. I love you, so, so much. More than anything in this world. But I will do everything in my power to protect us, and our family. I promise we won't die until we're old and wrinkly and have tons of kids and grandkids around us. If we die, we die together. I would rather die than have you taken from me. If you die, I die too, Tris. I love you."

And I kiss him.

More passionately than I ever have before.

And he kisses back, passionately.

I move my leg over his so I straddle him, my arms around his neck, my hand messing up his hair. His arms around my waist.

He stands, picking me up with him, and he carries me to his room, laying me on his bed gently. He climbs on top of me, his legs on either side of my waist.

I fumble with the hem of his t-shirt and start pulling it towards me. We part for a second so I can remove his top, then we're kissing again.

His hands stand to fumble with the hem of my top and it starts lifting up, slowly.

I break apart and he lifts my top off to reveal my bra.

He looks at me and I blush, looking away.

"Tris, you're beautiful. Amazing. You don't need to be shy. We don't need to do anything if you don't want…"

I cut him off by kissing him again.

It isn't long before all of our clothes are off and he's hovering above me.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks.

"More than sure. I want you, Tobias."

Then he kisses me.

And we complete the next step in our relationship.

We lose ourselves in one another.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	9. Result

Life after Loss

Chapter 9: Result

I come running out of the school where I just had my aptitude test.

I'm Divergent.

The Abnegation woman who did the test was friends with my parents and she told me to go home and say I got sick after the test.

I'm Divergent.

Abnegation. Dauntless. Erudite.

As soon as I'm on the train I start to cry.

I'm terrified.

Jeanine's hunting Divergents.

She's hunting people like Tobias and I.

She's hunting us.

I arrive back at Dauntless and run to Tobias' apartment. He has the day off work to prepare for initiation, but he told me he'd be there all day, going through what we will do in initiation and when we will do it. Amar sent him a list and he's got to look through it and see if it's okay.

I get there and I open the door without knocking, I know that when he's in his apartment, waiting for me he leaves the door unlocked.

I shut the door behind me and find him on the sofa, crying.

He never cries.

We're both crying.

He looks at me and when he sees that I'm crying as well he wipes his tears and stands up to wrap his arms around me.

"What was your result?" He asks, even though by the tears on my face he already knows.

"Divergent. Abnegation. Dauntless. Erudite." He pulls back and looks at me, shocked. "What?"

"Tris, no one has ever gotten more than two factions in their aptitude test."

"What do you mean? How do you know?"

We sit on the sofa.

"Things have been changing, Tris. Here, in Dauntless. The leaders have been making new rules and changing things. Dauntless isn't the way it should be, the way it used to be. They've changed the fighting stage of training so that you can't concede, you have to fight until one of you can no longer do so, like if you're knocked out or bleeding too much or whatever. I got worried, and started thinking that maybe something else is going on. Something bigger. So I snuck into Max's office and put his files onto my memory stick. I've been looking through them. There are war plans. The leaders of Erudite and the leaders of Dauntless are teaming up to turn the Dauntless into killers. They're going to administer a serum, after initiation is over, and they're going to say that it is a tracker, but it's not. It's a control serum thing that allows them to make us do what they want us to do. They're going to use it to make us go to Abnegation and kill everyone there. But it doesn't work if you're Divergent. So, they can test and kill whatever Dauntless are Divergent, and they can get the rest to kill the Abnegation. But I also saw another file. It shows everyone who has ever existed in this city since they split us into factions and made us take aptitude tests. It shows everything about them, their name, birthday, parents, siblings, spouses, children, etc. but it also shows their aptitude test result. Erudite have a way of changing it, they're the ones who came up with the design anyway. Anyone who has ever been Divergent had a result manually entered, just in case someone else found out, but Erudite can reverse that so they can see the true result. They know who the Divergent are and who aren't. They just want to get us out without anyone suspecting anything. I looked through all the files, only paying attention to the aptitude test bit. All of them only had two factions. And sometimes what the person who applied your test says is wrong about certain factions you got because they don't know the test the way the Erudite leaders do. Still, if you do have more than two factions, unlike any other Divergent, she's going to come for you more than any other Divergent out there."

Now I'm even more scared.

She's going to come after me.

"Don't worry, Tris. I'm going to protect you. I'm going to make sure you're safe. Okay?"

I nod and he hugs me.

It is then that I remember he was crying too.

"Tobias, why were you crying?"

"You know when I told you that my mum was dead?" I nod. "It turns out she isn't. She faked her death and ran away to the factionless sector because she couldn't handle the beatings from Marcus anymore. She sent me a letter today, explaining everything, saying sorry for not taking me with her and stuff. She wants me to meet her at the tracks tonight."

I'm in shock.

"Do you want to go?"

"I don't know. I'd much rather spend tonight making sure Jeanine doesn't come for you, and every night after this one as well."

"How long does it take for her to get the results?"

"Twelve hours. I'm tempted to go to Hana right now and ask if you can move in with me so I can protect you."

"But then you'd have to tell her why."

"You need people that know so we can protect you. They could have spies or anything, people out to hurt you or kidnap you. We can only let trusted people know though. Hana, Amar, Zeke, not Shauna because she's heavily pregnant, and Tori. I'll speak with Hana and Amar to see if you can move in now so I can protect you at night and every other time of the day. But we need to let people know so we can help you."

"Okay. Just one question that has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about right now."

"Anything."

"We did use protection yesterday, didn't we? I don't know about you but I'm not ready to have a baby just yet, especially not with Jeanine wanting to track me down soon, and already wanting to track you down as she already has your results. And if there is going to be a war I'd rather not be pregnant during it."

"Yes, we did use protection."

I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank god."

"What made you want to ask that anyway?"

"You mentioning Shauna being heavily pregnant."

"Oh, okay."

We spend the rest of the day discussing things, anything, trying to get our minds off Jeanine and the other leaders that will want to kill us.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	10. Moving in and choosing day

Life after Loss

Chapter 10: Moving in and choosing day

We just told Hana, Amar, Zeke and Tori the situation with us both being Divergent and me being wanted by Jeanine as soon as she gets the results. They agreed that I could move in with him now instead of waiting for the end of initiation. So, Tobias and I are in my room, packing everything into boxes and some bags.

"Tobias?"

"Yeah."

"What happens? If there is a war or if things get too bad?"

"Then we run, all of us. Our friends, everyone we care about. We'll leave Dauntless and find somewhere safe."

"But where? The city isn't going to be safe. We can't go and find the Bureau. We don't know what else is out there. I'm just scared. Plus, as you stated earlier tonight, Shauna is heavily pregnant, she's either going to still be heavily pregnant or have a new born baby to deal with. We can't put her through that."

"That baby is all the more reason to get out of here. We all need to be safe. That baby more so. It hasn't even been born yet and it's living in a world where war is just around the corner and he can't be different without someone wanting to hunt him and kill him. I know I wouldn't want that for our children. So, we make this city safe again, or we leave and find somewhere that is safe."

I smile.

"What're you smiling about?" He asks.

"You said our children. It just got me thinking."

He smiles with me.

"And I agree, I wouldn't want our children living in this city with the upcoming possible war and people hunting Divergents just because they're different. But, we could be out there for months trying to find a safe place to stay. We don't know what's out there, or where to go. We don't know if there's any water, or food sources out there. So, we should stay here and try and stop the war before it even begins, or try to stop it early on. Put whoever is responsible into prison, or have them executed. Do whatever we can to make this city safe."

"Okay, so we've agreed on what to do. Have you done packing?"

"Yep, you?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

We stand, putting the bags on our shoulders and picking up the boxes, including my parents' box. We say goodbye and leave to our apartment.

We decide to unpack tomorrow, after the choosing ceremony, and we fall asleep in each other's arms.

…

We are on the train to The Hub, where the choosing ceremony is held.

Tobias decided to come so he could be with me, even though he's scared of running into Marcus.

…

We sit there, hand in hand, waiting for my name to be called. Lynn and Marlene have already gone, they chose Dauntless. Now it's Uriah's turn. He struts up to the bowls confidently.

And he chooses Dauntless.

"Tris Prior-Pedrad."

Tobias squeezes my hand, I stand, making my way to the bowls.

I take the knife from Marcus' hand, considering whether or not to glare at him for what he did to Tobias. He smiles at me as if he remembers me from when I was little.

I slice the palm of my hand, barely wincing. I hold my hand over the Dauntless bowl and let my blood drop. Hearing it sizzle brings me a feeling of relief.

I hear the Dauntless cheer and smile as I take my seat next to Tobias.

He hands me a band aid and I place it over the cut, whispering a 'thank you' as I do so.

…

We are running for the train back to Dauntless. When it comes I get in easily but I see a Candor girl, struggling for the handle as she runs. I reach my hand out for her and she grabs it. I help her in and she sits down, I sit with her.

"Thanks." She breathes.

"No problem. I'm Tris, what's your name?"

"Christina. Nice to meet you, Tris."

"Nice to meet you, too."

We talk about random things for the rest of the journey.

…

It's now dinner time, Tobias and Amar have finished showing us all around. I invited Christina and another new friend of mine, he's called Will and he's from Erudite (he was walking with Christina, Uriah, Marlene, Lynn and I when they were giving us all a tour, we were talking and he's really nice), to sit with us at dinner.

Amar and Tobias, who is known as Four to everyone else, had to show us all around because we're being trained together and it would be a little strange if one of them took us Dauntless borns away.

I am sitting between Tobias (Four) and Christina.

"So, what's there to do for fun in Dauntless?" Christina asks.

"Well, that depends what you think is fun. But there is a tattoo parlour, which also does piercings, there's shops, a bowling alley, paintballing, and some other stuff." I reply.

"Cool, do you wanna go shopping some time?"

I inwardly groan. "Sure. Why not?"

"Yay!" She squeals.

She then goes on to invite Marlene, Shauna and Lynn. Lynn also groans but agrees to come. We decide to go tomorrow, after training.

We spend the rest of dinner talking and laughing. Well, Tobias doesn't laugh. He has to keep his reputation up.

…

Tobias and I are back in the apartment, sitting on the sofa, cuddling and kissing and talking.

"I'm so glad you're finally living with me." He says.

"Same. What are we starting with tomorrow?"

"Guns. You'll be fine, you're already amazing at everything."

"I wouldn't say everything…"

"You're amazing, Tris. Don't doubt it for a second."

I turn in his arms and move so I am straddling him.

"You're amazing, too. I love you."

"I love you, too."

And we kiss, passionately for a few moments.

"We should probably get some sleep. We have to wake up early tomorrow." He suggests.

"Okay."

We get ready for bed, me just changing my underwear and putting on one of his shirts, he puts some pyjama bottoms on but that is it. We climb into bed and lie so we are facing each other. His arm falls over my waist.

"Goodnight Tris, love you."

"Goodnight Tobias, love you, too."

We kiss again before falling into peaceful slumbers.

**Hey Ravens, I know this chapter wasn't great but I promise the next one will be better. **

**I am going to put a poll up so you can vote for when you want me to get Tris pregnant. She is going to be pregnant at least once in this story and I don't know when to do it. When I put up the poll could you please answer it, it would help me a lot. I will put it up tonight.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	11. Training, day one

Life after Loss

Chapter 11: Training, day one

I wake to the sound of the shower running. I sit up and see that Tobias is no longer in bed, great, it isn't an intruder. I surprisingly didn't have any nightmares last night. Which is a good thing. I'm often surprised when I don't get nightmares, I do nearly every night.

I look at the clock and see there is an hour until training begins.

I have an inner debate about whether I should go into the bathroom and have a wash now or wait until Tobias is finished in the shower.

I know we've seen each other naked, and that the glass covering the shower is not entirely see through.

I am brought out of my thoughts by the shower turning off and Tobias walking out the en-suite with only a towel covering the lower half of his body. I can't help but stare at his defined muscles.

"You liking the view?" He asks casually.

"Very much. You done in the bathroom?"

"Yup."

I climb out of bed, grab some clothes out of the closet and walk into the bathroom.

I wash, brush my teeth, get dressed into fresh undies, a bra, some black yoga pants that cut off mid-calf, and a black crop top that shows off my ravens. I put my hair into a braid that travels down my spine and put on some light make-up, just some foundation and powder to make sure it stays on better. I put on some deodorant and perfume before leaving the room to find Tobias dressed in his usual jeans and t-shirt, both black.

"Tris, you can't go to training wearing that."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll have all the other guys, your own age, staring at you all day." Aw, he's jealous.

"Toby, I'm sure none of the boys are going to stare at me. Plus, if they did I would probably beat them up a bit. I choose you, Tobias, no one else. I will always choose you, because I love you. Now let's go to breakfast."

I grab a black jacket from the closet, put on my black trainers and leave with him hot on my trail.

We arrive at the cafeteria and take our seats at our usual table, everyone else is already there, including Christina and Will. I grab a chocolate chip muffin and an apple off the trays in the centre of the table and start eating.

"You all still up for shopping after training?" Christina asks.

I'm glad she's fitting in well with the gang. So is Will.

"Yeah." All of us girls say.

"Cool!" Christina replies happily.

Five minutes before training starts we all head to the training room, Amar and Tobias lead the way, Christina, Will, Uriah, Marlene, Lynn and a few others follow. But we're missing some transfers. Maybe they're already in the training room.

We arrive and no one is in there, but there are still two minutes left before training begins. I talk with Uri, Mar, Lynn, Chris and Will whilst we're waiting for Amar and Tobias to finish setting up and the others to arrive.

They don't arrive on time.

"Who's not here?" Tobias, or should I say Four, questions.

"Peter and his lackeys, Molly, Drew and Al." Will answers.

The four of them arrive five minutes late.

"Where were you all?" Amar.

"We overslept." Peter.

"Well, I suggest you get an alarm clock so you don't oversleep. Because the next time any of you are late, you're factionless. You understand!" Amar.

The four of them nod as if nothing happened.

"There are three stages of training. The first is physical, push your bodies to their breaking points. The second emotional and the third mental, again breaking point." Tobias explains in his Four voice.

"Yesterday we explained to you about the ranks, and if you don't turn up on time then that considerably lowers your rank, I must say." Amar continues, glaring at the four who were late. "Today we will start off with learning how to shoot. I know some of the Dauntless borns may already know how to but if you do you can get better, and help the transfers a bit if you feel like you want to."

Tobias shows the correct stance for shooting then shoots, his bullet hitting the centre of the target.

Then it's our turn.

I am able to shoot pretty well with both hands so I just practise on the target between Christina and Will, who are starting to get the hang of it even if they haven't hit the centre yet.

I notice Christina's stance is a little off.

"Christina, try spreading your legs a little more, it'll help." I instruct.

She nods and moves her legs apart a little more, I tell her when to stop and she breathes in, aims, breathes out and shoots. It's a lot closer to the target.

"Thanks, Tris." She says.

"No problem."

…

Training is over for the day, we did guns and used the punching bags to practice hand-to-hand fighting.

Christina, the girls and I are walking around the shopping part of Dauntless, waiting for Christina to pick another shop to go in. We've been shopping for two hours and have been in like five shops. I am currently holding four bags in each hand.

I see her smile and she starts walking towards the shop I dread more than any.

_Dauntless Secret. _

It's named after a shop that was around before the Purity war, _Victoria's Secret_.

It sells lingerie.

"No, no, no, no, no. I am not going in there. I think we should maybe go and get some food or something. We do have a heavily pregnant Shauna with us after all." I argue, trying to get out of going there.

"Come on, Tris. Maybe you can get some nice stuff to wear in front of Four." Marlene counter argues.

"Wait, are you and Four dating?" Christina asks me.

"Yes but that is beyond my point. I am not going in there. By the way, we've been dating for a while now and he's not having anything to do with my rank, Amar is."

"Tris, you have to get something nice for him. I mean we've already got you some nice things, but you need lingerie for when it comes to addition and multiplication." Christina says.

"Nu-uh, I'm not going in there. Shauna, you look a bit tired, you wanna go?" I ask Shauna, pleading with my eyes for her to let me go.

"No, I'm fine, but thanks for your concern." Shauna smiles.

"Come on, surely your feet or whatever are hurting from walking around too much. I want to take care of my adoptive nephew. I will massage you, make you food, whatever you want me to do, I'll do it." I'm still pleading.

"Well, I really want to go in there so I can impress Zeke. And I'm feeling fine, so I don't need to go home yet. So, come on." Shauna grabs my arms and drags me into the store.

"Tris, what bra size are you?" Christina asks.

"Thirty two C." I tell her, reluctantly.

She nods and runs off, probably trying to find things for me.

I look around, just because I don't want to stand in the doorway like a weird person.

As I'm looking around I see a grey set that is the exact same colour of grey they wear in Abnegation.

Images of my parents and brother come flashing through my head.

When my brother and I would play cards with our parents after dinner even if it was deemed selfish.

When we would all make dinner together.

When we would all walk to the factionless sector to give them food and clothes.

When we would all sit around the dining table, eating, talking, and laughing. Knowing that we shouldn't be doing this but we did anyway.

When my parents would sing or read to me and my brother before bed. And they would tuck us in and kiss our foreheads. Telling us they loved us.

When they died.

I hear someone calling my name and I snap back to reality to find my hand clutched tightly around one of the poles that holds the grey underwear. My knuckles are white and my cheeks are wet.

I look to my left to find Shauna, Marlene, Lynn and Christina looking at me worried.

"Are you okay?" Shauna asks.

I shake my head and she wraps her arms around me, which is awkward with her large bump and all the bags of shopping we both have.

"Are you thinking about your family again?" She questions quietly.

I nod into her, tears streaming down my face.

"What's going on?" I hear Christina as the others, she's obviously confused about the way I'm acting.

"Do you want me to take you back to Four? Or Hana?" Shauna rubs my back as she asks this.

"Four, please." I mutter, but I know she heard when she let's go of me and wraps an arm around my waist and walks me to the apartment that Tobias and I share. I'm still crying.

When we get there Shauna knocks on the door, I know the other three are behind us.

After a few seconds Tobias opens it and when he sees me he opens his arms, I don't hesitate, I just walk into them and cry into his shirt.

"What happened?" Tobias asks Shauna, worried.

"I don't know. We were shopping, we had split up because we wanted to go look at different things or whatever. When we found her, after paying she was clutching onto a pole of clothes so hard her knuckles were white and she had tears pouring down her face. She seemed to be in a trance, but I got her out of it and brought her here." Shauna explains.

"Who's at the door man?" Zeke says from inside.

I look and find Zeke, Uriah and Will sitting on the couch watching something on the TV.

"The girls." Tobias replies.

I drop my bags on the floor as Tobias moves us further into the apartment. I see the girls enter, Marlene moves my bags to the side, Christina puts an extra one there, and Lynn shuts the door.

"What's going on with Tris?" Zeke and Uriah ask at the same time, worried.

They rush over and join the hug.

"Okay, I'm more confused now. I know Four and Tris are dating, but what about everything else? What's going on?" Chris questions.

"Wait, Four and Tris are dating?" That was Will.

"Yeah, but that's not really what matters right now." Marlene.

"Don't worry, they've been dating for a while and Amar is doing her rank, not Four." Lynn explains.

"Do you want me to go and get mum?" Uri asks me.

"Wait, you're her brothers?" Chris.

"Adoptive brothers." Marlene corrects her.

I just nod to Uri and he leaves the apartment.

"I really want to know what's going on." Chris again.

"Christina, now isn't a really good time." Tobias rubs my back as he says this, planting a gentle kiss on the top of my head. Zeke also kisses my head.

It isn't long before Uriah comes back with Hana not far behind him, they run over to me. Tobias and Zeke let go of me and I fall into Hana's arms, literally. My legs feel like jelly.

I know they're shaking and it won't be long before I collapse.

And I was right. I do collapse, with Hana's arms still around me so she comes down as well.

"Shh, shh. It's all right. Everything's all right. I'm here. We're all here. We're not going anywhere. I promise." She tells me as she rubs my back.

"I can't lose you." I whisper, clutching to her shirt to stop my hands from shaking as much.

"You're not going to. I'm not going anywhere for a long time."

"I feel sick."

"Four, pass us the bin please." Hana says.

Tobias passes us the bin and I throw up in it as soon as it's put in front of me. Hana rubs my back as I puke.

"Can everyone leave, other than Four, Zeke, Shauna and Uriah please?" Hana asks the others.

Marlene, Lynn, Christina and Will leave the apartment and I am still puking.

When I'm done Tobias gives me a glass of water, kneeling in front of me and wiping the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs, but more still come.

"Tris, what happened?" Hana asks.

"We were shopping… I saw something that was the same grey as they wear in Abnegation… and I started getting flashbacks."

"Shh, it's okay." Hana tells me again.

"I'm tired." I say after yawning.

Tobias picks me up and carries me to the bed, bridal style. He tucks me in. I see Hana, Zeke, Shauna and Uriah come in.

Zeke and Shauna kiss my forehead before saying bye and leaving.

"Tris, do you want Hana and Uriah to stay with you tonight?" Tobias asks, he's so thoughtful.

"What about you?" I question.

"I'll sleep on the sofa. I don't mind. You need your family right now."

"You're my family too."

He smiles slightly.

"You know what I mean. I'll see you tomorrow. Get some sleep." Tobias kisses me sweetly and leaves the room.

Hana and Uriah climb into the bed on either side of me.

It isn't long before I fall asleep.

**Hey Ravens. **

**Please go to answer my poll question.**

**I will update when I can. **

**Please review!**


	12. More training

Life after Loss

Chapter 12: More training

I wake up to find Hana and Uriah still on either side of me. Both of them are still sleeping. Hana's arm is resting on my stomach, Uriah's arm is resting over both of us.

My cheeks and eyes feel sore, like they do after you've cried a lot. I taste puke in my mouth and probably smell of it as well. I am still wearing yesterday's clothes.

The alarm clock goes off and they both wake up. Uriah turns it off.

"How are you feeling?" Hana asks me.

"Better. I should probably go and clean up." I reply. They nod and release me.

I grab some clothes and walk into the en-suite and lock the door behind me.

I get undressed and step into the shower. When I'm done I brush my teeth, wash my face, dry off and moisturise. I get changed into black leggings and one of Tobias' jumpers, which is also black, and I tie my hair into a ponytail. I don't bother with make-up today, I just walk back into the bedroom to find Tobias putting on a t-shirt.

He looks at me and smiles slightly.

"You're wearing my jumper."

"Yeah, you don't mind, do you?"

"No, not at all. You look better in it that I ever have. You done in the bathroom?"

I nod and he kisses my forehead before walking into the en-suite, leaving the door open slightly.

He comes back out a few minutes later and walks over to where I'm sitting, on the bed. He sits next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"You feeling better now?"

"A bit. Where did Hana and Uriah go?"

"They went to get ready for work or training."

I nod.

"I'm sorry for kicking you out of your own bed last night."

"It's okay. You needed your family. I would have got in with you but that means I probably would have slept next to Uriah and that would just be too awkward."

I laugh slightly.

"Do you want some breakfast?"

"Yes please."

"We could go down to the cafeteria, or I could make you something. What do you want to do?"

"Can we stay here? I'm not ready to face Christina and her god knows how many questions yet."

"Sure. What would you like to eat?"

"Toast please."

He nods and we stand and walk to the kitchen.

I sit at the small breakfast table whilst he makes the toast.

We eat together in a comfortable silence.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks me.

"You just did but go on."

He smiles sadly.

"Does that happen a lot? What happened last night I mean? Is that as bad as it gets for you?"

"Well, it's usually triggered by something, like seeing the grey they wear, seeing the type of family we had, etc. that's why I ignored Abnegation at your choosing ceremony. I didn't want to be reminded. But your name was called and I wanted to see what faction you would have picked. I was trying not to freak out. Sometimes I get nightmares about what happened, and worse, it happens most nights but when I sleep with you it helps. And no, it is sometimes worse than that. Sometimes I faint, or it can get to the point where I can barely breathe, or I will have seizures. Why do you ask?"

"I just want to be there for you, make sure you're okay. I don't like seeing you upset, or in pain, or puking. Though I will have to talk with Hana about some things."

"Like what?"

"What to do if you faint, can barely breathe, or if you have a seizure. And some other things."

I nod.

"Am I fighting today?"

"Unfortunately yeah. You're gonna be fighting Molly, one of the transfers. But you'll be fine. I'm sure of it. Unless you don't feel up to fighting, then I'll talk to Amar and see if we can make you fight some other time instead."

"No, I'll be fine."

He nods.

"Let's go."

He stands and takes my hand in his, leading me out of the apartment, he locks the door and we walk to the training room.

…

Training goes by smoothly. Some people end up in the infirmary, others don't. I won my fight with Molly. Christina won her fight. Will won his fight. Uriah won his fight. Marlene won her fight. Lynn won her fight. We're all doing pretty well.

We are eating lunch at our usual table, talking about god knows what.

"Tris, what happened yesterday?" Christina questions me.

"I'm not ready to talk about it." I tell her.

"Okay. But when you're ready to talk, I'm here."

I nod.

In the afternoon we practice knife throwing. Most of us are doing well at it, but Al, who is a transfer, hasn't gotten a single knife on the target. They are all on the floor. And we've been doing this for an hour.

"Al, your stance is off. Were you even watching me demonstrate earlier?" Tobias asks in his Four way.

"No."

"Why?" Tobias is angry.

"I was checking out Tris."

What?

"What?" Tobias.

"Because she's hot."

"What gives you the right to check her out?"

"I love her."

"Yeah, well, Al, I don't love you. I don't even know you. Plus I have a boyfriend, sorry." I'm really not sorry. I'm just trying to be polite.

"Who is he? I'm gonna beat him up." Al's angry now.

"Good luck with that." Marlene.

"What do you mean? I'm sure I could take him."

"Really? Do you even know who her boyfriend is? Also you are terrible at fighting." Uriah. "And I'm her brother, if you check her out again I will beat you to a pulp."

"You look nothing like each other. How can you be her brother?"

"My mum adopted her, but that isn't the point. Don't check out my sister."

"Tris, you wanna go out with me?"

"Nope, I have a boyfriend."

"He doesn't have to know."

"He already does." I tell him.

"How? Is he in this room?"

"Yup. And he's angry so I suggest you prepare yourself for a fight or something."

"Who is it?"

"Initiate, I suggest you stop flirting, or trying to flirt, and get back to those knives. You're going to be factionless unless you get some knives on that target." Amar.

"Is it you?" Al asks Amar.

"No, I'm way too old for her. And I'm gay."

"Oh."

"Start throwing Al." Tobias.

Al keeps throwing, still checking me out.

"Al, please stop checking me out. I'm not that good looking."

"You're beautiful, Tris." Al.

Ew.

"Please Al, stop it. I will never date you. Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't date you. Now stop checking me out and learn how to throw a knife. Plus, as you know, my boyfriend is in this room and is getting more and more angry the more you check me out and try to flirt with me, so I would watch myself if I were you." I reply.

I go back to throwing my knives, already being good at it because I have done this before, many times.

"We could be wonderful together, Tris." I hear Al mutter.

"I'm fine with my boyfriend, thanks."

"But, just think of the good times we could have. We could get married. Have kids. We would be wonderful together."

"Al, shut up. I don't want to marry you, or have kids with you, so sorry but you're on your own. Go find someone else to flirt with."

"But I want you."

"Tough shit. Do you want to be factionless?"

"No."

"Well start throwing then."

We go back to throwing but it only lasts a little while.

"Tris, on visiting day do you wanna meet my parents? Maybe I can meet yours as well?" Al again.

Why did he have to say that?

"Al, why the fuck did you say that?" Uriah yells.

I'm frozen.

Images of my family swarm around in my mind again.

I try to get them out of my head but I can't.

They're there.

They're not going away.

My mum.

My dad.

My brother.

Natalie.

Andrew.

Caleb.

All there.

All not going away.

I hear someone calling my name but I don't respond.

I can't respond.

I'm on the floor.

I'm shaking.

I can't breathe.

Pain.

Black.

**Hey Ravens, keep voting in the poll. At the moment her getting pregnant half way through initiation is winning. **

**Keep voting. I need to know what you think. **

**I will update when I can.**

**Please review!**


	13. Infirmary

Life after Loss

Chapter 13: Infirmary

My eyes peel open to bright lights and I know instantly I am in the infirmary. I have a bandage on my left arm with blood seeping through. I have a cannula in my nose. Tobias' hand holds my right hand and he is in the chair on the right side of my bed. No one else is in here, just us two.

I remember what happened and tears fill my eyes.

"Tobias." I call his name just before a tear falls down my cheek.

He wakes up and looks at me, I can tell he's been crying. His eyes are bloodshot.

"Hey." He says gently as he sits on the side of my bed and envelopes me in a hug.

"I'm sorry." I apologise.

"It's not your fault, its Al's. You don't have to be sorry Tris."

"I feel so weak, and like a coward."

"You are not a coward Tris. Anyone who's been through what you have would understand. You're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know. Al shouldn't have been saying things like that. You're so brave Tris."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. You're the bravest person I have ever met and probably will ever meet. You're strong. And brave. And selfless. And kind. And intelligent. And honest. You're amazing. I love you."

"I love you, too."

We sit there in silence for a little while, well, as silent as you can get with me crying.

But then I start asking questions.

"Why have I got a bandage on my arm?"

"You had a knife in your hand when you had your seizure. We were trying to remove it from your hand but you were moving too much, you cut your hand and stomach with it. The one on your stomach isn't deep, but it's going to leave a scar for a while, it will possibly be permanent but they doubt it will be, but the one on your arm was pretty deep so it's probably going to leave a permanent scar. We managed to get the knife out of your hand before you could do any more damage."

I just nod.

"How long was I asleep?"

"A day."

"I missed a day of training?"

"Yeah, but don't worry. You'll pass initiation with flying colours. You're amazing. You're already at second on the leader board and I don't think you'll be moving anytime soon. Uriah is at the top, you second, Lynn third, Marlene fourth, then Will, then Christina, our friends are going to make it as well, there's no need to worry. It's probably like that because you're all helping Will and Christina instead of the others."

"But they might fail stage two or three."

"They won't. I'm sure they'll be fine."

"Where's everyone?"

"At home or at the dorms. It's like ten o'clock at night."

I nod.

"Why didn't you go home?"

"Because if Jeanine comes for you now you're in no state to protect yourself. Also, I don't like sleeping without you by my side. I'm not going to leave you alone when you need someone with you. Also, I love you, I wanted to stay with you, I wanted to be with you when you woke up."

"That's sweet."

"Well, I am a romantic."

I laugh.

"When it comes to you anyway."

"Did Christina ask questions again?"

"Yeah, but I just said you would tell her everything when you're ready. I just mentioned that you have PTSD. You don't mind do you?"

"No. Its fine, I should probably tell her and Will soon anyway."

"You know you don't have to unless you want to, right?"

"I know. But if I don't do it soon things will keep happening and they will keep asking questions. Knowing Will he's using his Erudite knowledge to try and figure out why I have PTSD, because he knows everything about it."

Now it's his turn to laugh.

I laugh with him, until the scar on my stomach starts to hurt and I stop, sucking in a breath.

"You okay?" He's worried.

"Yeah, the scar on my stomach hurts if I laugh too much."

"Do you want me to get a nurse?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Tris, you are allowed pain killers, you know that, right?"

I nod.

"How's your arm?"

"Fine."

He gives me a disbelieving look.

"Fine, it hurts a lot. But I don't need painkillers."

"Why?"

"Because they'll make me feel weaker than I already am."

"Tris, you're not weak. You're strong and brave. I don't know how you cope, if I were you I'd probably have killed myself by now. But you haven't because you are strong. You are brave. You are allowed to be in pain. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to have pain killers. It doesn't make you any less brave, or strong. It just shows that you're human. That you have feelings. Like everyone else."

I nod, signalling to him to get a nurse.

He kisses my forehead and leaves the room, entering a few minutes later with a nurse trailing behind him.

She gives me some pain killer tablets and leaves.

"You feeling better?"

I nod.

He wraps me in his arms again and I feel safe. Protected. Loved.

"What am I going to do about training?"

"Well, you aren't allowed to fight because of your stomach wound, and your arm wound. But you are allowed to shoot, throw knives, and practise on the punching bags, so long as you don't push yourself too hard. I talked to Max and Eric and they said that."

"Okay. When am I allowed to be released?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. Meaning you can come to training in the afternoon but don't do too much."

I nod.

"Get some sleep."

"Can you lay with me?"

"Of course."

I move over and he gets into bed next to me, wrapping his arms around me gently.

"Goodnight Tris, I love you."

"Goodnight Tobias, I love you, too."

We kiss and I fall into a peaceful sleep.

**Hey Ravens, keep voting in the poll, please. **

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review.**


	14. Telling Christina and Will

Life after Loss

Chapter 14: Telling Christina and Will

It is now half way through initiation and stage two is taking its toll on everybody. I ranked second for stage one, Uriah came first. The people who were cut are Al, Myra (and Edward left because of that, they were in love, and they're both transfers) and a couple of Dauntless borns I don't know the names of.

Christina and Will keep asking me about what's been going on. I still haven't told them about my past and I know I have to. The fear simulations are really shaking me up. I've been having more nightmares. The simulations show everyone I care about dying and me not being able to do anything to help them. I am struggling to cope. Tobias has taught me how to hide my divergence in them but all I really want is to show my divergence so I can help them. Though I am getting really quick times.

Anyway, I have decided to tell Christina and Will about my past today.

I am meeting them in Tobias' and mine apartment after lunch as the fear simulations only take up the morning. Tobias is going to be hanging out with Zeke and Shauna. Helping decorate the baby's room.

I am sitting on the sofa, waiting for them to turn up. I have already had my lunch, I wanted to get back early and prepare myself for it. But I know I can't.

Nothing can prepare me for this.

I hear a knock on the door and answer it, Will and Chris are on the other side. Holding hands.

"When did this happen?" I ask.

"After capture the flag. I was going to tell you but I didn't know how." Christina explains.

I nod.

Capture the flag happened last week, during stage one, it was amazing. Tobias and I climbed the Ferris wheel to seek higher ground. I told him he didn't have to follow me, knowing he has a fear of heights, but it was amazing. It was romantic as well.

We ended up winning as well, which topped of the perfect night and made it better.

I invite them in, congratulating them as I shut the door.

We sit on the sofa and they look at me expectantly.

"Well, I come from Abnegation. When I was five my parents wanted me and my brother to hide under the floorboards and be quiet... We didn't know why… They kept telling us they loved us and that they were sorry. I got under them but just as my brother was about to it was too late... He slammed the floor board down to cover me just as a group of people burst into the house and started beating, stabbing and shooting my family… Over and over again. I watched through a little crack in the floor. I watched my family die... I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't make a sound because I promised my parents that I wouldn't… I was crying silently as I watched and when the murderers left I got out and saw my family on the floor… dead… There was blood everywhere… their blood. I started screaming and sobbing… my neighbour heard and rushed over with his wife and son… I lived with them for a week before being adopted by Hana… my mum was Dauntless and her and Hana were good friends… Hana's my godmother… On my sixth birthday I changed my name to Tris Prior-Pedrad. It was originally Beatrice Grace Prior but I couldn't have that name anymore… I couldn't have that reminder of them anymore… my brother was seven when he died… They didn't deserve to die… When I was ten Michael, Zeke and Uriah's dad, Hana's husband, my adoptive father, he died of cancer and it made things worse… I already had PTSD from when I watched my family die, but having my adoptive father die five years later made everything worse… I couldn't handle it… I've had PTSD for eleven years… The anniversary of their death is the day of the choosing ceremony… I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. I never used to in Abnegation, at least, we weren't supposed to… but our parents were transfers… on our birthdays they would make pancakes and find something to give us… I was given all of their possessions, other than the house of course... I get nightmares nearly every night… I have to watch them die over and over again… I have to watch the people I care about now die… and I can't ever do anything about it… in the simulations all I see is my parents dying… and people I care about die… I can't handle it… if I see a family that is like the one I used to have I can't handle it… if someone mentions their family I can't handle it… When Shauna's dad arrived to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day I couldn't handle it… same when they had their dance… on visiting day I sat here and cried because everyone else was seeing their families and the only one I have is full of people that have their own families, people that are related to them through blood, and I don't have that… When I see something that reminds me of them I can't handle it… when I see something that is the same colour as what they wore I can't handle it… When Al mention me meeting his family I couldn't handle it… I can't handle it… I can't handle the fact that when I get married I won't have my dad there to walk me down the aisle or to dance with me… I can't handle the fact that when I have children my mum won't be there to hold my hand when I give birth… I can't handle the fact that my brother didn't get the life he deserved because he died when he was seven years old… sometimes I wish I did make a noise, or come out of the floor boards sooner so I could have died with them… so we could be together now… sometimes I feel like I wanna die... so we can be together again." I'm sobbing by the time I finish and they look at me in shock.

"Tris, I'm so sorry. If I had known I wouldn't have kept bothering you about it." Christina says as she engulfs me in her arms.

"I'm sorry, Tris." Will agrees as he joins the hug.

"Is that why you live here? With Four?" Christina asks.

"Partly."

We sit there like that for a while. It takes me about half an hour to stop crying.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" Will questions.

I shake my head, no.

"Why don't we watch a movie to take our minds of this?" Christina suggests.

I nod and she finds a movie, putting it on. And I really don't pay attention to it.

…

Tobias gets home at about five, Christina and Will leave when he does.

He comes over and sits next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

I nod and look at him, in the eyes.

I kiss him, hard. Wrapping my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist. Kissing me back twice as hard.

I move so I am straddling his legs and kiss him more passionately.

We keep going and it isn't long before he picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. Dropping me gently on the bed and laying on top of me, his legs on either side of mine.

We keep kissing and soon we're both topless and losing more clothes by the minute.

We get lost in each other.

**Hey Ravens, I'm sorry I didn't do capture the flag but I felt the need to skip a little while. I will be doing some other cute Fourtris moments though, I promise. And maybe another game of capture the flag where they may climb the Ferris wheel. **

**You don't have long to keep voting, just so you know. I say a few more chapters before the result will be revealed so vote for when you want her to get pregnant. **

**I will update again as soon as I can. **

**Please review!**


	15. Final ranks

Life after Loss

Chapter 15: Final ranks

The rest of initiation passes with more nightmares and horrible simulations than before. Today is the day of the final test, and the final ranks. It is also the day before the soon to be war starts and we haven't been able to do anything to stop it yet. After the test we are all going to be injected with what they are saying is a transmitter but is actually a serum that allows them to control us. Unless we're Divergent.

Tobias, Hana, Tori, Amar, Zeke and I have been trying to think of ways to stop it. If we can't then Shauna is going to have to give birth in the time of war and none of us want that. She is thirty five weeks and one day pregnant. Tobias also found out that Uriah is Divergent so he had to move back in with Hana so he is safe. He's joined our cause and so has Marlene and Lynn. Shauna knows about what's happening and understands why we wouldn't want her taking part. Though she is helping us with trying to find a way to stop it. George is helping as well. Then Christina and Will wondered what we were doing so we had to tell them everything, then they joined. But it means more brains. Which is good.

…

I have just finished my fear landscape. I was the last to go in.

I'm trembling as I walk out of the room. No one else is up here, just me, Tobias and Amar, well, and the leaders. Tobias wraps his arms around me and I start crying.

"It's okay." He tells me.

I have six fears: being powerless, being weak, inability to escape, dying, watching my family die and not being able to do anything about it (anyone I care about enough for them to be considered family, basically my friends), being responsible for my family's death.

"Well done, Tris. You done well. Now I just have to inject you with this tracker. Everyone else has already had theirs." Eric speaks as he comes over to me.

He injects me before I can say anything. Then the leaders leave, smiling evilly.

Tobias runs his thumb over the injection site in my neck.

"We need a way to stop this." He says.

"I think I have an idea." Amar.

He leads us to the control room and we sit at Tobias' computer, the one with everything on it. Amar starts typing god knows what into it.

An hour later and nothing has worked. We go to the cafeteria for the ranks.

Eric gives a small, useless speech before showing them.

Tris

Uriah

Lynn

Marlene

Peter

Will

Christina

And some people I don't know.

I congratulate my friends and they congratulate me.

Then everyone involved in our plan goes to the control room. We start working. Trying to think of anything.

"Who here isn't Divergent?" Tobias asks.

Shauna, Marlene, Zeke, Lynn, Tori, Christina and Will put their hands up. Meaning just Tobias, Amar, Uriah, George, Hana and I are.

We work long and hard into the night. We only have a few hours left.

One hour.

"We should probably tie them to something so they don't go anywhere." I say.

"Yeah but if we don't turn up the leaders will suspect something." Tobias replies.

"Still, if we did go they'd turn into killers and we'd probably be found as Divergent. And if we don't go then we have more time to stop it. If we go we can't stop it because we'll have to walk around killing innocent Abnegation because we can't show our Divergence even if Jeanine already knows who is and isn't Divergent."

"Wait, Jeanine knows whose Divergent?" Uriah asks, scared.

"Yeah she gets what really went on in our aptitude test twelve hours after we do it. She knows who is and isn't Divergent. We can't let the others go. We know they're going to use the trains and Shauna can't get on one. She's not Divergent, she's going to be under it as well. She could get hurt."

"Fine, guys, we're tying you up to something so you don't go anywhere." Tobias, Uriah and I tie up everyone who isn't Divergent before going back to work.

"Any luck yet?" I ask.

"No. We have half an hour." George.

Twenty minutes later and still no luck.

That is until someone enters the room.

Eric.

"What the fuck are you guys doing in here?"

"Well, Eric, we're trying to stop the war you're about to start." Tobias says, pointing a gun at him.

"You're not going to shoot me."

"Really?"

"Why have you tied up your friends?"

"Because we don't want them to be killers because you are putting everyone under control serum and are going to make them go to Abnegation and kill everyone there."

"And I'm guessing you guys aren't tied up because you're Divergent and it wouldn't work on you. Well, that means I have to kill you and untie your little friends here."

Eric pulls out a gun and aims it at me.

"We all know that Tris is the strongest Divergent out there. If she dies, well…"

"Then you won't be able to test on me and create all your precious serums so they do work on Divergents. But hey, it's your choice."

"You know Tris, your mum was really the strongest Divergent. The only reason you got three factions was because your father wasn't Divergent. It made two factions slip away. But now, you're the strongest Divergent because your precious mummy is dead."

I see images of my mum flash around in my mind.

Tears fill my eyes.

"Shut up, Eric!" Tobias yells.

"So is your dad, and your brother. Such a shame, really. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to watch your family die, right above you."

More images.

"I said shut up!" Tobias clicks the bullet into place.

"And you, Tobias Eaton, I wonder how you feel. I mean your daddy beat you, didn't he? That's why you left Abnegation. Because you're a coward. You couldn't handle being hurt by your daddy anymore. I wonder what your mum would say. I mean I know she faked her death and left you with him to be beaten. I know she's the leader of the factionless as well. I also know she's trying to contact you but you just won't have it. Oh, and I believe your worst fear in the fear landscape is your daddy, am I correct. I mean, who's scared of their dad?"

Bang.

Eric falls to the floor with a bullet in his chest.

"Tris, are you all right?" Tobias asks me with his hands on my shoulders.

Tears are falling down my cheeks but I nod.

He pulls me into him and I cry.

"Guys, we're too late." Amar says.

I look at my friends who are tied up and they look like zombies. They aren't themselves. They are trying to move but they can't because we tied them down.

I watch on the screens as hundreds of Dauntless leave their apartments to go and kill Abnegation.

"We need to shut it down." I say as I wipe tears off my cheeks.

Us Divergents sit around the computer trying everything we can to stop the sim. Watching the screens as we go. They're nearing Abnegation.

They're in Abnegation.

Gun shots.

Screams.

Cries.

Shouts.

I see my old house and start seeing images of my family. Of the house.

I look away, blinking back the tears.

We sit there for hours, watching people die as we work. Trying to stop this.

"Aha." Amar says, typing one last thing, then silence.

I look at the screens. The Dauntless have snapped out of it. They're themselves.

I look at my friends and see they are themselves again too.

We did it.

Tobias wraps his arms around me again for a few seconds before we release our friends from their ties.

"People. Max and some other Dauntless are coming. We have to run." George says.

Zeke picks up Shauna and we run to the trains. Knowing we can't stay in Dauntless.

When we are on the next train we all sit down on the floor, in a circle.

"Where can we go?" Zeke questions, worried about Shauna.

"Amity. Johanna will let us stay there. She's too kind not to." Tobias replies.

So we go to Amity and Johanna does let us stay. So long as we promise to not get violent, hand in our weapons, though I keep a gun under the mattress of mine and Tobias' bed to be safe, and we have to abide by some other rules as well.

That night I go to sleep, thankful we can be safe, even if it may be just for a little while.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	16. Labour

Life after Loss

Chapter 16: Labour

We have been in Amity for a week and thankfully Jeanine hasn't come looking for us. Shauna is thirty seven weeks pregnant now so she could go into labour at any time. She is the only one of us that doesn't have to do chores. Some Abnegation people are here as well, I try to avoid them as much as possible, even though they are wearing Amity clothes like the rest of us I can tell who they are by their hair. The girls wear their hair in Abnegation buns and the boys have the Abnegation haircut.

Everyone knows Tobias' real name now but they still all call him Four.

At the moment I am in the laundry room, doing peoples laundry with a bunch of Amity girls who won't stop laughing. These people are too happy. Are they aware that there is a war going on? That people have lost their lives?

As I iron the clothes I look out the window and see an Amity family playing and having fun outside. A family just like what mine used to be. A mother, a father, a son and a daughter.

I see images of my family flash through my head.

One of the girls in the room calls my name, snapping me back into reality.

I have a death grip on the iron and I let go of it, switching it off at the wall.

"Are you okay, Tris?" The girl, Leah is her name, asks me.

I'm about to answer when I feel bile rising up my throat.

I go to the bin in the corner of the room and hunch over it, puking.

I feel a small hand on my back, rubbing it gently.

When I'm done a bottle of water is handed to me and I drink from it, gratefully.

"Hey, go home, get some rest. We'll finish off here." Leah tells me.

"Thanks." I stand and leave the room, walking towards mine and Tobias' bedroom.

When I pass Shauna's and Zeke's room I hear a groan from inside. It's Shauna.

I enter and find her on the bed, crying, looking like she is in pain.

I rush over to her.

"Shauna, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" She snaps. "Sorry, for snapping."

"It's okay. I'm going to go and find Zeke and Hana, okay."

"No, don't leave me."

"Shauna, you're obviously in labour, you need them."

"No, I woke up alone, in pain. I can't be alone any more. I'm scared."

"I know, but you need your husband, and you need Hana. I know nothing about labour and Hana's going to help you. They won't get off work for another couple of hours."

"And the average first labour is twelve hours. I'll be fine."

"Shauna, how long have you been getting contractions?"

"Three hours."

"How far apart are they?"

"About fifteen minutes."

"Have your waters broke?"

"Yeah."

"You need them Shauna. I'm going to go and find them."

"No, please, don't leave me."

She cries out in pain and grabs my hand, squeezing it tight.

"Shauna I need to get them."

"Why aren't you at work anyway?"

"I had some visions of my family and puked so they sent me home but I heard you in pain and came in here. I need to get them."

"No. I need you to stay here, with me."

"Shauna, you're still a teenager, teens tend to have quicker labours because they're young and their body is more prepared. Your contractions are already fifteen minutes apart, meaning it's going quite fast. I need to get them unless you want Zeke to miss the birth of his son."

"What's going on in here?" A familiar voice asks.

I look at the door and see Tobias standing there.

Great.

"Shauna's in labour. I need you to go and find Zeke and Hana. She doesn't want to be left alone."

He nods and leaves.

"He's early." Shauna cries.

"Shauna, babies born at thirty seven weeks are considered full term. Your baby is going to be fine. I promise."

"How do you know so much?"

"I paid attention at school. Have you and Zeke thought of a name yet?"

"Yeah, Michael James Pedrad. But you can call him Mike for short."

"That's cute."

"Are you and Four thinking of having kids in the future?"

"Yeah, but not for a while. I'm not ready to be a mum."

"I don't think anyone ever is ready to be a parent. It just happens and you deal with it the best way you possibly can."

I nod just as Zeke, Hana and Tobias rush into the room.

Zeke and Hana go straight to Shauna, Zeke sits next to her on the bed and takes her hand in his, kissing her gently before she pulls away, crying in pain with another contraction.

"Shauna, I need to check how far along you are, okay?" Hana says as she sits down the business end.

Shauna nods and Hana does what she has to do.

"You're four centimetres dilated. Four, can you go and get some towels, flannels, and a bowl of warm water, please?"

"I'll go with him." I say, Tobias and I leave the room to get what we need from the storage cupboard and the small kitchen thing in the corridor.

"Why aren't you at work, Tris?"

"I saw a family like my old one and started getting visions. I puked then they said I should go home and get some rest, but I heard Shauna in pain so I decided to see what was going on. Why aren't you at work?"

"We finished early so we were allowed to go."

I nod and feel bile rising up my throat again. We are in the small kitchen area and there is a bin in the corner. I puke into it whilst Tobias rubs my back.

"Tris, are you okay?"

I nod when I am done and wash my mouth in the sink.

"You don't look okay. You just puked. What's going on? Are you sick?"

"I don't know, okay. I feel fine. It's probably just because Shauna's in labour and she's starting a family. One where the parents are alive. Okay. I just keep thinking of my family. And she told me what she was going to name the baby and they're naming him after Zeke and Uriah's dad, my PTSD got worse when he died so I thought of him as well."

He wraps his arms around me and I cry into him, I didn't know I was crying until he hugged me and water got on his shirt.

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay." He whispers to me.

We stand there for god knows how long, me crying and him comforting me.

"We should get back." I say.

He nods and pulls away.

We take the towels, flannels and the bowl of warm water back to Shauna's room and put them where Hana asks us to put them.

Then we leave the room, asking one of them to come and get us when the baby is born.

We go back to our room and sit on the bed, Tobias' arms wrapped around me and mine around him.

...

Shauna has been in labour for ten hours. That is when there is a knock on the door. Everyone else in our group is here as well, waiting.

Tobias opens it to find Zeke smiling on the other side.

"I'm a daddy." Zeke says, happily.

They bro hug and Zeke leads us back to his room.

Shauna is on the bed with a blue bundle in her arms, smiling down at her son. Hana is cleaning up.

Zeke sits back next to her, looking at their son with a look of awe on his face. We all look at the small bundle in Shauna's arms. He looks like the perfect mix of both of them. Zeke's eyes. Shauna's complexion. Zeke's hair. Shauna's lips. Zeke's nose. Shauna's cheek bones.

"He's beautiful. Congratulations guys."

"Thanks." Shauna smiles.

"What's his name?" Marlene questions.

"Michael James Pedrad. But you can call him Mike, or Mikey for short." Zeke answers.

I see tears fill Uriah's eyes and I feel them in mine as well, even though I knew what they were going to name him.

"Can we hold him?" Uriah.

Shauna nods and hands the baby to Uriah.

We pass the baby around all of us, me being the last one to hold him before giving him to Zeke.

"Anyways, we were wondering, Four and Tris, could you maybe be his god parents?" Zeke asks me.

"Why not us?" Uriah practically yells.

"You're not responsible enough, also Four is our best friend. We decided they should be because they are responsible adults, unlike you. Though, Marlene is all right."

Tobias looks at me with a questioning look in his eyes.

I nod.

"Of course we will." Tobias says, bro hugging Zeke again.

"Great."

We spend the next few hours talking and laughing together before leaving so Shauna can get some sleep.

Tobias and I go back to our room and go to bed. It's been a long day. We say our goodnights and 'I love you' and go to sleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	17. After us

Life after Loss

Chapter 17: After us

The next few days pass by and everything's fine. We're still working, except Shauna who stays and looks after Michael. Amity is still kind and peaceful. We are still avoiding the bread, after hearing that they put peace serum in it.

I am also still puking. And I don't know why. Tobias is getting worried. I can tell by the way he looks at me when I puke, or the way he speaks to me afterward, and the way he tells me I shouldn't go to work.

But everything is fine.

We are all sitting at one of the long tables in the dining room, Shauna holds Michael in an orange sling as she eats. He is sleeping peacefully.

That is until we hear trucks.

I turn around and see large, Erudite trucks coming towards the building.

People start crying and running around.

"We have to move! Now!" Tobias yells.

We all stand and run in the opposite direction, out the back door.

It's hard for Shauna because she has a new born in her arms but she still manages to keep up with us.

I hear gun shots behind us as we run. I hear screams and cries as well.

But we keep running, even when we are hidden by trees.

We just run.

We hear a train in the distance and run faster.

I am out of breath but I force myself to keep running.

We get out of the forest area as the train is starting to pass by. We run alongside it and jump in, Zeke helps Shauna and Michael into the train.

We all catch our breaths and Shauna and Zeke try and calm a crying Michael.

I feel dizzy and cling onto Tobias' arm for support.

"Tris, are you okay?" He asks, concerned.

That is when I black out.

Tobias' POV:

Tris falls to the floor, unconscious and I kneel down next to her, worried.

"Tris. Tris, wake up, baby. Wake up." I lay her head in my lap and feel tears blur my vision.

Hana kneels next to us.

"What happened?" She asks me.

"I don't know. We were catching our breaths and she grabbed hold of my arm, tight, then she fainted."

She runs some tests on Tris, not really doing much as we don't have anything with us.

"Has she been getting any other problems recently?"

"Uh… she's been puking a lot. And she's been tired. She's been getting nightmares, and flashbacks. But that's about it I think."

"It could be because of the gun shots, her family was shot as well, and that could have affected her. But I'm going to ask you something personal. Have you two had sex? I'm not mad if you have I just need to know."

"Y-yeah."

"How many times?"

"Twice."

"When were they?"

"Uh, the day before the aptitude test, and about half way through initiation."

"Did you use protection?"

"Yeah."

"Has she missed a period?"

"I don't know."

Hana starts feeling around Tris' stomach with her hands.

Shit.

Is she pregnant?

"Tobias, I think Tris might be pregnant, okay. But I won't know for sure until she's taken a test, or we manage to get into a hospital and I can do an ultrasound. Except we have nowhere to go now so I don't know where we're going to get one from, or how we're going to get to a hospital."

"What happens if she is pregnant? We're in a war."

"I know, we're in a war. But she's going to have to be extra careful. If a woman has PTSD and she's pregnant, the chances of miscarrying and premature labour are higher. That is because they are under more stress, stress is bad during a pregnancy, the war alone causes stress, but her PTSD will cause more because of the flashbacks and the nightmares, and everything else that comes with it. Tris has severe PTSD, meaning she is a lot more at risk of miscarrying or premature birth than any other woman with it. We're going to have to make sure she doesn't do much and that she is safe at all times. Except we aren't safe. We have nowhere to go. And we're fighting in a war."

"So what do we have to do?"

I notice that everyone is sitting down, looking at us.

"Find somewhere remotely safe. Try and keep her away from the fighting. Make sure she doesn't put too much stress on herself. When she has nightmares wake her up as soon as possible. When she has flashbacks try and snap her out of them as soon as we can. Make sure she eats healthily. Make sure she gets plenty of rest. Things like that."

"Well, Candor isn't involved in the war, and the Dauntless who are on Max's side are in Erudite, so we could go back to Dauntless." Will suggests.

"But they'll be brought into the war somehow. Erudite want Divergents, they will go there no matter what." Shauna replies.

"That means we either find an abandoned building, hopefully near Amity, that way we can get food, go back to Amity and hope the Dauntless have gone and won't ever come back, go further outside the fence and hope there's something out there, or go to the factionless." Will then suggests, using his Erudite past.

"Eventually they will go to the factionless, though, because some of them have to be Divergent, so we can't really go there." I say, really not wanting to go there because I really don't want to see my _mother. _

"I say we ride around a bit more. Figure something out. It's been about half an hour since the Erudite and Dauntless went to Amity, meaning they're probably not done with what they have to do for Jeanine. So if we decide to go to Amity we should wait until tonight, when they should be done. Then we go back. We should just hide out in here for a while, that way we are safe for a bit." Hana says.

We all nod in reply.

"Maybe we should try and get some rest, it's been a long day and I'm sure we'll have more long days after this." Christina speaks.

We all nod again and go to various parts on the train car.

I move Tris to the far right hand corner, away from everyone else, and lean my back against the wall, with her small body in my arms, cradled like a baby.

I look at her sleeping, beautiful face and she looks so peaceful.

I then look at her small, flat stomach and wonder if there really is a baby in there. Our baby. I place my large hand on her stomach and give it a gentle rub. I know that if she is pregnant I will do everything in my power to make sure that Tris and our baby are safe, happy and healthy. Anything. I know that I will love them both until the day I die. Which I hope is going to be a long time from now. I don't want to leave her. I can't leave her. Not yet. Not for years. Not until we're old, and wrinkly, and have had children and grandchildren, maybe even great grandchildren.

I smile slightly. Thinking about the life we could have. After the war. Which I hope is over soon. Hearing Hana say that Tris has a higher chance of miscarrying or giving birth prematurely scares the shit out of me. But I'm going to be here for her, every step of the way. No matter what. Because I love her.

After a while she squirms in my arms and her blue-grey eyes flutter open and look up at me.

"Hey." She says.

"Hi."

"What happened?"

"When we were catching our breaths you fainted."

She nods and looks down.

"Tris, I have to ask you this, have you missed your period?"

She looks up at me, shock evident on her face.

"Why?"

"Tris, Hana thinks you might be pregnant."

Tears fill her eyes.

"W-what?"

"Well, you keep puking, you fainted, you're more tired than usual, and all we need to know is if you've missed your period. And we either need to find a pregnancy test or a hospital where Hana can do an ultrasound and confirm whether you're pregnant or not. So, have you missed your period?"

She nods and starts crying into my shirt.

I wrap my arms around her tighter and rub her back.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. I'm here. We're all here for you. We aren't leaving. I promise. I love you, Tris. No matter what."

"I'm scared." She whispers. "I'm not ready to be a mum yet."

"I know. I'm scared, too. But I promise that everything will be okay. I'm not going to leave. I promise."

Then we just sit there. Me comforting her and her crying.

God do I hope that everything is going to be okay.

**Hey Ravens. Sorry for the wait, I have exams I need to revise for so I won't be able to update as much until May 19****th****. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	18. Back in Amity

Life after Loss

Chapter 18: Back in Amity

We ride the train until dark before deciding to get off back at Amity. We find Johanna and she lets us continue staying. She tells us that they took all the Divergent, young and old. Some people even lost their lives. Hana asks if we can use a room in the infirmary they have and Johanna agrees, asking why we need it. Of course Hana explains that I might be pregnant.

God, I'm scared.

I'm not ready to be a mum yet.

Not with everything going on.

Not with my PTSD.

I don't want to be a mum yet.

I can't be.

Hana explained to me a while ago that if I ever get pregnant I have to be extra careful because of the PTSD, it puts more stress on my body than I need and stress is bad for pregnancy. That with the added stress of war will put my possible baby in more danger of dying or being born early.

I'm scared.

I never even wanted kids, until I met Tobias and fell in love with him. I knew that any baby I got pregnant with would be in danger and I couldn't handle that. That's why I wanted to wait. I didn't want to have a baby until I was at least twenty five.

But here I am, sixteen and possibly pregnant by the love of my life.

I know that Tobias will be there for me through it all, so will everyone else.

But we're in a war. They promise things like that but they might die or get hurt.

Then I'll be alone.

With a baby.

At sixteen.

That's if it makes it through the pregnancy, and if I make it through the war.

It isn't long before we have found a room in the infirmary with an ultrasound machine in it. Hana, Tobias and I enter and I get on the bed as Hana sets up the machine. Tobias sits in the chair next to my bed and takes my hand in his, he smiles slightly at me and kisses the skin on the back of my hand gently.

Hana lifts my top up slightly and squirts a cold gel on the lower part of my belly. Then she places a stick thing over it and moves it around, looking at the screen, trying to find anything.

I don't look. I just lie there.

Waiting.

"Tris, you're three weeks pregnant." She tells us.

Tears fill my eyes and I chance a look at the screen, hoping what she said isn't true.

But it is.

On the screen I see a little grey blob.

My baby.

Tobias' baby.

Our baby.

A sob escapes my mouth as tears start to flow from my eyes.

She types some things on the machine and removes the wand from my belly. Wiping off the gel as I cry harder.

Tobias moves to sit on the edge of the bed and he takes me in his arms. I cry into him.

"Everything's going to be all right Tris. I promise. I'm not leaving you or our baby, ever. I love you. I love our baby, too. I always will."

He keeps whispering things in my ear. Trying to calm me down.

"Tris…" Hana says as she sits on the other side of me. "We're all here for you, and that baby. We're not leaving. It'll take a lot to get rid of us. We all love you, and care about you, and we will love and care about that baby just as much. But right now I need you to calm down, okay. Remember what I told you about your PTSD and stress. I need you to calm down. That baby needs you to calm down."

"You try having a baby at sixteen when there is a war going on and everyone you love might die!" I yell.

"Tris, we won't die. We will fight, to live, for you and that baby. Just calm down."

"You can't say that. You might get shot or… I don't know. It's not easy to fight to live. My family couldn't do that."

"Tris. Your family lost a lot of blood because of what those people did to them. Even if they did fight they would have been in a lot of pain, and would have been very weak. I'm sure they fought as hard as they could to get back to you. They were just too weak from the blood loss. But we will try as hard as we can, if we get hurt, to get back to you. Now calm down. Your baby needs you to calm down."

As she speaks I see images of my family, lifeless, on the floor of our old home, blood seeping out of their wounds.

I scream.

"Tris, you really need to calm down or you'll lose your baby."

"Tris, baby, calm down. I love you. I'm here for you. Always."

"Take deep breaths, okay. In. Out. In. Out."

I try to take deep breaths.

I try to calm down.

And I do eventually manage it.

I breathe heavily as some more tears run down my cheeks and I lay on the bed. Tobias' arms are still around me.

"I'm scared." I admit, crying still.

"I know. But we're here. We're not going anywhere. We love you. Both of you." Tobias tells me.

"I don't think I can do this."

"Yes you can, Tris, you're the bravest person I know. You've been through so much and you're still fighting. You're going to be okay. You'll get through this. And we're here to help you. Through all of it." Hana reassures me as she kisses my forehead, like she used to when I was sick or when I had a nightmare, or a flashback.

"I want my mum."

"I know you do. Every girl does when they're having a baby. But I'm here. I'm your mum now, even if I'm not your real one. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here through it all. I promise."

"How about we go and get something to eat before getting some sleep?" Tobias suggests.

I nod and he helps me out of the bed.

We all walk outside, after I have dried my cheeks.

We find the others in the waiting room and they ask what happened but we don't speak. We go to the cafeteria and eat some of the leftover food from dinner time. Then we go to our rooms.

Tobias and I climb into our bed, after we have gotten changed into pyjamas, we lie, facing each other. He wraps his arm over my waist and smiles at me.

"You know I love you, and this baby, right? I'm not going to leave either of you for a long time. I promise."

"I know. I'm sorry about earlier. I'm just scared out of my mind. I'm not ready for a baby. And with everything going on its just scaring the shit out of me even more. And I know this means I'm not allowed to do much. I'm just scared I'm going to fail, or I'm going to lose one of you, or all of you. I'm scared I'm going to miscarry or go into premature labour. I'm scared the baby isn't going to be healthy. I'm just scared of everything right now."

"I know you are. I'm scared, too. Believe me. But we'll be all right. I'll make sure of it."

"Goodnight, Tobias. I love you."

"Goodnight, Tris. I love you, too."

Then I fall into a dreamless slumber.

**Hey Ravens. Sorry for the wait but I have finished my exams now so I can update a bit more than usual as I don't have to go back to college for a few weeks. **

**Also, her getting pregnant half way through initiation and finding out a few weeks later won the vote, so that is why she's pregnant now. If you don't like it don't complain. Most people voted for this so this is what I'm going for. I'll try and make it as interesting as I can for you. **

**I will update again as soon as I can.**

**Please review!**


	19. Shooting

Life after Loss

Chapter 19: Shooting

Two weeks pass and we're still in Amity. The war is still going on in the city. The Erudite are still on the hunt of Divergents. The remaining loyal Dauntless are apparently joining with the Factionless so they have a larger army.

But we're still here. Not doing anything. Trying to be safe.

I am five weeks pregnant. Everyone we came here with knows now. Hana takes me to the infirmary at least once a week to do an ultrasound, to make sure everything is okay. I've been trying to remain as calm as possible, but it doesn't always work. I'm still having nightmares and flashbacks. They try to snap me out of them as soon as they can but it's still stressful, and I'm crying for a while after them.

The other night I had a terrible nightmare, Tobias woke me up from it but it was worse than they usually are, I was panicking so much that I started getting pains in my belly. We were terrified that something was happening to the baby. That made the stress worse than it was. He went to get Hana because he couldn't calm me down and she managed to, after a while. But my belly still hurt. They rushed me to the infirmary and Hana did an ultrasound. The baby was fine, just a bit stressed. The pains went after a little while.

I keep feeling like I'm a terrible mum. My baby almost died because of me.

Tobias doesn't deserve someone like me. I'm too broken and damaged. I can't even have a baby without it almost dying. Who knows, the baby might actually die at some point. The war is making my PTSD worse. Meaning there is even more stress on me and the baby. Meaning there is a very slim chance that this baby is going to make it through the whole pregnancy. It would be a miracle if it did.

Tobias wants a family, I know he does, but I know that it's very hard for me to give him one.

He keeps saying that he will always love me, no matter what happens. But I know there are so many girls out there that can give him what he wants without making him worry about miscarriages or premature labour. So many girls that are better looking than me and are actually up to his standard.

I'm not pretty, I can't even get pregnant without having a high risk of miscarriage and premature labour, I have PTSD, and I'm broken.

He doesn't deserve someone like me.

He deserves better.

At the moment I am back in the laundry room, working. Tobias didn't want me to work at all, but I have to. Anyway, I'm just ironing. And Hana is here with me, so if anything happens, she's here to help.

I look out the window and see Tobias and Zeke working in the fields together. Talking about god knows what. Tobias smiles and it makes me wonder what they are talking about.

But I get back to work.

…

At lunch time Hana and I walk to the cafeteria together. We sit at our usual table with everyone else, who is already there.

"What were you talking about earlier?" I ask Tobias quietly.

"When?"

"Well, I saw you and Zeke in the fields, talking. You smiled. Why'd you smile?"

"Oh, we were talking about you and Shauna. I smiled because at that time we were talking about you. I love you, Tris."

"I love you, too, Tobias."

We kiss quickly because our moment is ruined by a voice over the intercom.

"Hello, it's Jeanine Matthews speaking. I need you to hand over Tris Prior-Pedrad to Erudite. I won't tell you why, but she's important to us and our work. If you don't hand her over then this will happen, every day."

The message ends and three gunshots ring in the air. Followed by three cries of pain. And other cries.

No one at our table was hurt but I look around and find that there are three people on the floor, bleeding to death, surrounded by people trying to help them.

Tears fill my eyes and I see my parents, and my brother, getting shot and hurt whilst I couldn't do anything to help them.

I stand up from the table and walk away, but I still see my family being hurt.

I walk towards the apartment building. I keep seeing things.

I get to my room and open the door, I see my family on the floor, bleeding heavily.

I scream and close the door again.

I slide down the wall so I am sitting.

I keep seeing things.

I hear people calling my name but it doesn't help.

I feel people snapping me out of it. Or trying to.

They are calling me, and I feel hands on my shoulders. They are telling me to breathe. They are talking about the baby.

My baby.

Tobias' baby.

Our baby.

I take deep breaths, trying to snap out of it.

Eventually I do and I see all of my friends surrounding me, looking at me with sad eyes. Tobias wraps his arms around me and I cry into him.

Erudite want me, because of my divergence. That's the only thing that makes sense.

When I've calmed down we all go into mine and Tobias' bedroom. My family are no longer on the floor. I sit on the bed, with my back against the headboard. I tuck my knees to my chest and Shauna sits in front of me, with Michael in her arms, he's two and a half weeks old. Tobias is next to me, his arm around my shoulders. The others are either on the bed or the floor.

"We need to get out of here." Zeke says.

"Why?" I question.

"Some of the Amity were talking about handing you over so no one else dies. We need to go somewhere we can protect you and the baby. Somewhere where there is food, and where no one wants to hand you over to the Erudite." Tobias explains.

"Well that means we can't go anywhere. Jeanine probably did that everywhere because she doesn't know where Tris is. When they came to Amity they were probably looking for her but we weren't here so she thinks we aren't here. She has to do it everywhere to get Tris to either hand herself in or get others to hand her in. There are probably people in every faction that want to hand her over, even in the Factionless, because they don't want to die." Will says.

"We could leave the city. There has to be something out there." Shauna suggests.

"There is something out there. It's called the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. Tris' mum wrote about it in some of the letters she wrote but apparently it isn't safe there. The leader is evil and wanted revenge on her mum for ruining the plan, and for not loving him back. That means he'll probably try and do something to Tris as well because she's the only member of the family left."

"So, that really means we can't go anywhere." Christina.

"We could go back to Dauntless. Only the loyal Dauntless are there, well, the ones who can't fight with the Factionless because of injury or whatever. They wouldn't hand Tris in." Uriah.

"They might if they don't want to die." Zeke.

"Tell them about the baby. They wouldn't hand her in then. Would they?" Shauna.

"If they don't want to die, they'd do anything. Whether Tris is pregnant or not, it won't change anything. They don't know that Erudite would probably kill her." Tobias.

"Why do they want her anyway?" Will.

"Because I'm Divergent. That's the only reason why they would want me."

"She also has aptitude for three factions instead of two. She is the strongest Divergent out there. Jeanine would want to test on her more than anybody." Tobias.

"We still need somewhere we can keep her safe." Shauna.

"We'll figure it out tomorrow. Everyone come here at nine in the morning, we'll figure out to do then." Tobias.

They all nod and leave. I lay down in the bed because I'm tired. Tobias lays next to me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Everything's going to be okay, Tris. I promise." He tells me.

I go to sleep trying to believe that.

**Hey Ravens. **

**Can you please go and answer my poll if you haven't already. It's important. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	20. Figuring out what to do

Life after Loss

Chapter 20: Figuring out what to do

I wake up the next morning to a knock on the door. Tobias opens it and in walks our friends. Zeke and Uriah have a tray in each of their hands, full of food and each one has a glass of water on it. Uriah puts mine on my legs and I start eating straight away, hungry. Zeke gives Tobias his.

As Tobias and I eat we try to come up with a plan that will keep me safe.

"I think we should go to the Bureau, I know your mum said that you can't trust David in the letters she wrote, but if we go outside the fence, we'll be safe from the people who want to send you to Erudite, and the Erudite themselves. And we won't trust anyone. We'll just keep to ourselves." Christina suggests.

"But then we won't be able to stop the war in this city because we won't be here to do anything. We need to stop this war before it gets too out of hand. If we stop the war we can go back to Dauntless and we'll be safe. Tris will then be safe and she can have that baby in her home and not in some strange place." Zeke argues.

"But what are we going to do to keep her safe before then? We need somewhere that is safe for her and away from the fighting. Somewhere no one will want to hand her in to Erudite. The war could last a long time. The people in the Bureau might be able to help us." Will.

I feel the need to puke. I pick up the bin next to the bed and throw up my guts into it as Tobias rubs my back. When I'm done a put the bin back on the floor and sink into the mattress. Not wanting to eat anymore. Tobias removes my tray from my legs and puts it on the bedside table before going back to his food and listening to everyone argue about what to do.

"How about we disguise ourselves as Erudite and hide there?" Uriah.

"That is just stupid. Why would we want to live with the enemy?" Zeke.

"Well, if we dress as the enemy and live in Erudite but lay low they can't suspect anything. Just pretend to read books when we're out. Put on some glasses. Wear blue. They won't be able to tell who we really are." Uriah.

"I'm not going to Erudite, Uri." I tell them.

"See." Zeke.

"Whatever." Uriah.

"I'm also not going to the Bureau." I say.

"So that leaves these options: stay in Amity, go to Dauntless, go to Abnegation, go to Candor, go to the Factionless sector, or hide out in an abandoned building on our own whilst trying to live." Will calculates.

"Well, I think we should either stay in Amity or go back to Dauntless." Shauna.

"Why?" Uri.

"Well, though some Amity did say they were going to turn her in, or that they wanted to, they wouldn't because they are too kind to hand someone over to their execution. The way they live is just too kind and peaceful to just hand someone over to their death. Even if they're scared of dying themselves they wouldn't hand someone else over to Erudite if they know there is a good chance of that person dying. It isn't very kind if they were to do so, so they wouldn't do it. Dauntless because the only people left there are the loyal ones. They wouldn't turn someone in who tried to stop the simulation before it begun, and managed to stop it not long after it did begin. They aren't very loyal if they hand her in. Any true Dauntless would rather die than hand one of their own to their execution. That's bravery. That's what Dauntless peoples are meant to do. So I say we go to one of those places. The guns will only be in the places where a lot of people will be. Here it's the cafeteria and they go off at lunch time because that is the time of the day where everyone in Amity is going to be eating and gathering. In Dauntless it will either be in the Pit or the cafeteria because those are the two main places to meet. So as long as we stay away from those places at around lunch time then we'll be safe from the guns."

"Are you sure you aren't part Erudite?" Zeke asks her.

"I'm sure. I'm just thinking about this logically. If you used your brain then maybe you would have been able to figure that out as well. Everyone has a brain, Zeke, the Erudite's are just the ones who think they use it the most. I'm sure you could think about things like this if you tried. Anyway, Tris, where do you want to go?"

"Dauntless." I reply. "I can't stand it in this place any longer."

They all nod.

"We'll leave this afternoon. Pack your things." Tobias says.

They all leave me and Tobias alone after that.

"You sure you want to go back to Dauntless?"

"Yeah. I can't stand all the happiness much longer. I want to go home."

"Okay. You get some rest, I'll pack."

I nod and he gets out of bed to pack our clothes.

I really do just want to go home.

**Hey Ravens.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review… and go answer the poll question on my page.**


	21. Going back to Dauntless

Life after Loss

Chapter 21: Going back to Dauntless

On the ride back to Dauntless, later that afternoon, everyone is silent. We are all silently hoping that Dauntless is safe and we don't have any trouble getting there. We have a load of weapons though, just in case. Amar is driving the truck we are in. The rest of us are in the back. Zeke is holding little Michael, whom is sleeping at the moment, in his arms, looking down at his son with a loving glance.

I can't wait for that to be Tobias, looking down at our child with such love and adoration in his eyes. Even though I am terrified to be a mother. I don't know anything about bringing up a child. I'm scared I might just die and leave my child motherless. I'm scared of letting them down, not being good enough for them. I'm scared that Tobias will leave me. I'm scared of ruining my child's life. I'm scared of losing my child. I can't lose another member of my family. I've already lost my parents, my brother, my adoptive father. I can't lose anyone else. I can't lose my baby. I can't lose Tobias. I can't lose my adoptive family. I can't lose my friends. They are all my family now and I can't lose them.

Tobias shouting my name and shaking my shoulders brings me out of my trance.

"What?" I ask.

"You were panicking. I was trying to snap you out of it." He explains as he wipes a tear from my eye with the soft pad of his thumb. "What were you thinking about?"

"I just… I can't lose any of you. I can't lose any more family. If I did… I don't know what would happen to me. I know everything would get worse, my PTSD… I don't want any of you to die."

He pulls me into him as I cry.

"You're not going to lose us Tris. I promise. We'll always be here for you." He whispers to me soothing words, promises.

Promises you can't really keep in a time of war.

But I nod along. Trying to cheer up. Trying to believe that none of them will leave me any time soon.

But deep down I can't believe.

We arrive back to Dauntless soon after that. We get out of the truck and they all grab their weapons as I take Michael, who is just over two weeks old now. They don't want me to do anything. They all take bags as well.

We start heading towards the entrance. They all have their guns at the ready. But we enter without difficulty.

It is only when we get to the apartment part of Dauntless when they put down their weapons. I hand Michael back to Shauna and Zeke before we all leave to our old apartments. We don't live that far away from each other, in fact, we all live on the same level. So we are close and are near each other when needed. Which is great.

I plop onto the couch and Tobias does the same next to me. I lay down with my head in his lap and quickly drift into sleep.

…

_I am in my home in Abnegation. Watching my family be tortured. But I am in the room with them, being held back by an invisible force as I watch my family suffer._

_It's not just my parents and my brother. It's Tobias, a baby, Hana, Zeke, Uriah, Shauna, Michael, Marlene, Lynn, Hector, Christina, Will, Tori, Amar, everyone I care about. They are all being tortured and I can't do anything to stop it. _

_They are calling my name. Screaming. Crying. Bleeding. Shouting. Yelling. _

_I hear the sounds of whips hitting skin, gun shots being fired, Knives ripping through flesh. _

_Yet I can't move. _

_I am calling them but they don't seem to hear me. Neither do the abusers. _

_I'm crying. They're crying. _

_They're losing too much blood. Their cries get weaker, quieter. And soon I hear nothing. I see nothing. Just their lifeless bodies on the floor, covered in blood and cuts. _

_I scream into the darkness. _

I jump up. I am still on the sofa. Tobias is sleeping. Tears line my cheeks. I am panting. There is a sharp pain in my belly.

My baby.

Something's wrong with my baby. That pain shouldn't be there.

I'm crying even more as I try to wake Tobias up.

And he does just as the pain gets worse and I double over, clutching my belly as I cry out.

"Tris, what's wrong?" He asks, worried as he wraps an arm around my shoulders.

"My belly hurts… really bad." I sob.

"I'm going to call Hana, okay?" I nod and he calls her whilst I curl up on the sofa with my hand on my belly, sobbing. Terrified.

My baby is going to die. Or is dead.

I killed my baby.

Tobias rushes in and picks me up, bridal style.

He rushes me to the infirmary, telling me everything is going to be okay, but I don't believe it.

I'm having a miscarriage. This pain isn't normal.

Hana meets us at the waiting room of the infirmary and rushes us into a room. Room number five. Tobias gently places me on the bed whilst Hana sorts out the ultrasound machine. I just lay there, in pain.

"Tris, you need to calm down, okay." Hana tells me.

"It hurts." I cry.

"I know, believe me, I know. But the baby needs you to remain calm. The baby is probably just stressed out. So calm down, please. Breathe. In, out, in, out."

"My baby is going to die. Aren't they? My baby is dead."

"Tris your baby might not be dead. You just need to breathe and you won't have a miscarriage."

"This is a miscarriage."

"Tris, in a miscarriage you tend to bleed, a lot, you aren't bleeding. But if you keep stressing out this will become a miscarriage. Now try to remain calm whilst I do the ultrasound, okay."

I just nod and let her do her thing. Trying not to move as the pain still rushes through my abdomen.

I don't look at the screen. I'm too scared to.

No one talks. I know she would want to test for a heartbeat.

It's silent for a while as Hana presses buttons and does whatever.

But then it happens.

I hear a fast thumping sound.

I hear my baby's heartbeat.

He or she is alive.

I haven't killed them.

They're alive.

I look at the screen and look at my beautiful little baby.

But when I look at Hana her face tells me something is wrong.

Something's wrong with my baby.

"What's wrong?" Tobias questions, he was obviously thinking the same thing, and I know he's crying because I can hear his sniffles, and the tightness in his throat that only sounds when he cries.

She turns to look at us and you can still tell something is wrong.

"Is my baby okay?" I ask as Tobias squeezes my hand. "What's wrong with my baby?"

She doesn't say anything. She turns off the machine, wiping the gel off my bare belly. She then leaves and comes back a few minutes later with an injection in her hand.

"What is that?" Tobias.

She injects my belly with it. I start to feel tired and soon I am back asleep.

**Hey Ravens, I'm sorry for the wait I have just been very busy recently and haven't really found the time to update. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	22. What's going on?

Life after Loss

Chapter 22: What's going on?

Tobias' POV:

Hana just injected Tris with something in her stomach, now Tris is asleep.

"What's wrong with my baby? What's going on? What did you inject Tris with?" I ask as tears pour down my face.

She looks at me with a sad, comforting smile. One that belongs to mothers. Well, all mothers except mine, and maybe some others.

"Tris is getting too stressed out. The reason she was in pain was because the placenta has started to tear. It's a good thing I noticed it when I did. If it got much further the baby would have died. Because of the stress and the fact her placenta was tearing the baby's heart rate was more elevated than it should have been. The injection I gave her was something to heal the placenta, meaning most of the pain will go away and the baby will have no reason to increase his or her heart rate so there would be less pain for that reason as well. But we need to keep her as calm as we can. If she isn't as calm as possible then this can happen again and it may not be as easy to catch next time. Or the baby will elevate their heart rate again and die because of that. I know we're in the middle of a war, and there's a lot going on at the moment but we need to keep her away from dangers, make sure someone is with her at all times, and keep her as calm as we can." She explains to me.

"So the baby and Tris are okay?"

"For now, yes. But if she keeps stressing out like this the less likely it is that the baby is going to live. I'm sorry. She's always known that her getting pregnant would be risky, but with the war going on it just adds more stress. She didn't even want to have kids until you arrived because of that risk. I'm not complaining. I love that baby as well, I mean, I am its non-biological grandma. But with everything she has been through, and is going through, that baby has very low survival odds. But we will keep an eye on her and do everything I said to, keep her as calm as possible and make sure there is always at least one person with her. Make sure she gets a lot of rest and doesn't do too much, especially no strenuous activity. Also make sure she eats a balanced diet. I will do an ultrasound once a week to make sure everything is running smoothly. But all we can do with all of that is wait and see what happens… I'll give you some time with her."

I nod and she leaves the room.

But I just sit there. Holding Tris' limp hand in mine. Praying that everything will be okay. If our baby dies I don't know what I would do. I would break on the inside, whilst trying to be strong for Tris, she'd need me. But Tris, she would break completely. She's already lost so many people; her parents, her brother, her adoptive dad, and I think some of her other friends from Dauntless transferred on the Choosing Day so she lost them as well. She had a breakdown at the thought of losing any more people. If the baby dies, or if any of us die, she will completely break and there would be no turning back. She's already broken. Her PTSD shows that. But if anyone else died her PTSD would get worse, her symptoms would get worse. Everything would get worse.

I won't leave her. I promise. I can't leave her. I need her. I need the baby. I love them both with all my heart. More than I have ever loved anything else in my life. I won't hurt them or leave them because I can't, I won't, and I couldn't live without them. I just need to keep them safe, out of harm's way, I need to make sure nothing bad ever happens to them. I need to protect them.

And I will.

…

Tris' POV

My eyes open groggily. Everything is blurry at first, but I blink a few times and soon my vision is adjusted. I look to my side and see Tobias sitting in the chair next to me bed, holding my hand, sleeping. His cheeks are red, tear-stained, he's been crying. Is the baby okay?

My stomach still hurts slightly. I place my free hand on it and rub it gently in circles.

I need to wake Tobias up to see what is wrong with our baby.

"Tobias…" He opens his eyes and looks at me. "What's wrong with our baby?"

He tells me everything that Hana told him. I'm crying by the end of it.

Our baby nearly died.

Our baby has a very low chance of survival.

"Tris, stop stressing out, okay. That's just going to make everything worse. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out."

I copy his breathing and soon I am not panicking as much. But I'm still crying.

"I can't lose anyone else, Toby. I can't." I cry into his shirt as he pulls me into his warm embrace.

"You won't lose anyone else for a long time, Tris, I promise."

He kisses the top of my head and I just keep crying into him. The tears just keep on coming.

We sit there, like that, for a long time. Well, I don't actually know how long we sit like that but it feels like it is for a long time. Maybe even hours. Or does time just feel longer when you're upset?

Eventually my stomach growls, showing how hungry I am, I hadn't really noticed it before. Tobias goes to get me some breakfast and when he comes back he sits next to me and we both eat our muffins and fruit together. At about three in the afternoon Hana discharges me after doing another ultrasound to see if the medication she gave me was effective. And it was, thank God. As soon as we get home I get changed and climb into our bed. Tobias changes and snuggles up next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist.

I drift into sleep to the sound of his heart thumping against my ear.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can. Please review!**


	23. Why me? Why us?

Life after Loss

Chapter 23: Why me? Why us?

Four weeks pass and I am coming up to ten weeks pregnant. Jeanine is still hunting me, I know she is. At lunch time, every day, there are gun shots and screams in the cafeteria, hence the reason we eat lunch in the apartments.

At the moment Tobias and I are on the way to the infirmary to see Hana. Lunch time was about an hour ago so we should be fine.

We sign in and sit in the waiting room, waiting for Hana to come and get us for our appointment. A little girl with a gunshot wound is wheeled past us, she's unconscious and her parents are screaming and crying as the doctors beg for them to not follow.

Guilt spreads through me. She's here because of me. Because I haven't gone to Erudite.

"Tris, stop feeling guilty. You can't go to Erudite and you know that." Tobias tells me as her rubs circles in the back of my hand.

"But they're getting hurt, or dying, because of me. How can I not feel guilty?"

Then Hana calls us in. She does an ultrasound, tells us the baby is healthy, makes another appointment for next week, and we go.

We're on our way back when I hear a gunshot and Tobias' hand let's go of mine. I look at him and he is on the floor. A gunshot wound in his stomach. Blood pouring out of it.

"No." I kneel next to him as his eyes start to close and my eyes fill with tears. "No, Tobias, don't leave me. I can't lose you. I love you. The baby needs you. Don't die on me."

"I… love you… both of… you." His eyes close and I scream.

"NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. YOU CAN'T DIE ON ME." I feel his pulse and see that he is still alive. But it's getting weaker. "Tobias, don't leave me."

Then I'm grabbed from behind and the person starts dragging me away. The person's hand covers my mouth as I start to scream but it is muffled. I bite down on the person's finger and scream.

"TRIS!" Christina calls, but she's knocked out by someone punching her.

The hand goes back over my mouth and I continue to struggle.

But a needle goes into my neck.

Then I'm gone.

…

I wake up in a small white room. I'm on a single sized bed, it's white and pushed against the back wall, the one opposite the door. There's a window on the wall next to me. I stand on the bed and look out of it.

I'm wearing a blue gown.

I'm in Erudite.

I'm going to die.

My baby is going to die.

They're going to test on me, then kill me.

Is Tobias okay?

Is Christina okay?

They better be okay.

I collapse back onto the bed in a puddle of tears. My hand rests on my belly.

"I'm sorry, baby. I love you. I really do. I'm sorry you have to die."

The door crashes open and in walks Jeanine and some guards.

"Well, well, well, Miss Pedrad. What a surprise?"

I scoff. She probably planned this whole thing.

"Guards, take her to the lab." She leaves and the guards come over to me, taking me by the arms roughly and dragging me up and out of the room.

All I can think on the way there is, why me?

**Hey Ravens, sorry for another short chapter. **

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**

**And go read my new hunger games fanfic. It's about if Katniss had realised her love for Peeta during the Victory tour and she really is pregnant during the Quell. Though, only read it if you have read the hunger games trilogy. **


	24. Rescue

Life after Loss

Chapter 24: Rescue

I don't know how long I've been here.

In Erudite.

Being tested on, poked, prodded, and beaten.

They've tested a number of serums on me. Fear serums, torture serums (which basically spreads pain throughout my body), control serums, truth serums, etc. but none of them have worked on me. Jeanine's getting frustrated, and I know she's making them harder for me to get through, but I still can.

They've been taking blood samples from various places to see if that tells them anything about my Divergence, but it also told them I was pregnant. I still am pregnant, but the constant pain in my stomach tells me that I might not be for long.

They've also been putting me through MRI's and stuff to see if that tells them anything about my Divergence and how my brain works compared to everyone else's.

And they've been whipping my back, burning me, punching me, kicking me, and cutting me.

But still, all I can think about is Tobias, hoping he's okay, hoping he's not dead. I think about the baby as well, hoping that he or she doesn't die, even though by the amount of pain I feel in my stomach I know that he or she probably isn't going to make it much longer.

Whenever I'm not being tortured I am in my cell, laying on my bed, thinking, crying, trying to sleep but never being able to. I don't get much food and I know that's some of what is causing the pain. I'm not getting enough nutrients for the baby to survive. I only get one bowl of porridge a day and that is it. At least I think it's a day. And like two glasses of water, so I'm dehydrated as well. I'm surprised I haven't died yet. The amount of blood I've lost from the cuts and whips is also making me weaker than I was before. I keep having nightmares and flashbacks.

I'm not in great shape. I'm skinny, too skinny. I'm weak. I'm covered in dried blood, cuts, and bruises.

I hear gunshots and see my family lying on the floor, dead. I start screaming just as the door bangs open and in runs Zeke and Uriah. I stop screaming as they rush over to me.

"Zeke? Uri? Are you real?" I've been through many simulations where people have come to rescue me only for it not to be real.

"Yeah, we're real. What have they done to you, Tris?" Zeke asks as tears fill his eyes.

"Is Tobias okay? Is he alive? Please tell me he's alive." My throat hurts because of the dehydration but I manage to speak, ask that question which is the most important one.

"He's alive. But we have to get you out of here. Now." Uri answers as Zeke carefully picks me up, bridal style, but pain just spreads through me and I can't help but cry.

"Sorry, Tris." Zeke apologises.

They take me out of Erudite and I see some trucks ready and waiting for us. They climb into the medical truck with me still in Zeke's arms. He sits down with me in his lap, curled into him.

Hana is in there as well, she gasps at the sight of me.

"What have they done to you?" Tears fill her eyes as well.

I shake my head, telling her I don't want to talk about it. She just nods and undoes the back of my gown so she can get a better look of my back. They all gasp when they see it.

Zeke holds me as Hana cleans my back up and puts a bandage on it. She ties the back of my gown up just as we arrive back in Dauntless. Zeke rushes me to the infirmary, Hana and Uriah follow us, running. They get me into a room and Zeke gently places me on the bed. Hana tells Uri and Zeke to leave, and they do.

"My belly hurts really bad." I manage to croak out.

"Do you mind if I take off your gown so I can get a complete look and fix you up?" I shake my head, I know she has to, and I'm wearing panties so she won't be able to see that area.

She gently slides my gown off and gasps at the sight of me. I'm super skinny, you can see each rib and collar bone clearly. But I have a tiny little baby bump. I'm covered in cuts and bruises.

The first thing she does is clean up the cuts the mark my body. I know a lot of them are going to leave permanent scars. She puts bandages over them when they're cleaned. Then she does an ultrasound, which I'm terrified is going show me that my child is dead, or dying.

I don't look at the screen as she does it. But when she tests for a heartbeat it's there. But it's slower than it was before.

"The heartbeat is too slow." She whispers, but I hear it. A tear slides down my cheek. My baby is dying. "Tris, it's going to be okay. We'll give you some medicine that will help the baby get better. And if we give you more food and drink then that should help as well. The baby will be fine. I promise."

She finishes the ultrasound and gives me the medicine. She puts me into a clean gown and puts in place a blood transfusion and some pain medication which make me feel better almost instantly. She gets me some toast, a banana, and a drink of water which I manage to consume okay.

But there's still one thing on my mind.

Tobias.

"Is Tobias okay?" I ask.

She looks at me, but I can't tell what the expression on her face means.

"He's alive. But he's not in good shape. He lost a lot of blood, so he's also getting a blood transfusion. But he did slip into a coma. He's out of it now. He's worrying about you, and the baby. He's getting better, but he's still in pain."

He was in a coma. But he's awake. He's fine. He's alive.

"How long was I gone?"

"Two weeks. He was in a coma for a week and a half. You're twelve weeks pregnant."

I just nod.

"I suggest you try and get some sleep. You've been through a lot and rest is the best thing for you and the baby. If you need anything just press the call button and I'll come."

I nod again and she leaves.

I soon find myself in a restless sleep.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	25. Seeing each other again

Life after Loss

Chapter 25: Seeing each other again

It's been a week and I still haven't been able to see Tobias, we've just been getting updates on each other. But I'm getting better, so is the baby. My bump is getting bigger as well but I am still really skinny. Hana said she'd bring him to see me today since he is healing faster than I am. Though, he did only have a gunshot to the stomach.

I am broken from my thoughts by Hana opening the door and wheeling in a smiling Tobias. I smile at him too.

Hana places his wheelchair next to my bed and he grabs hold of my hand, squeezing it lightly. Then she leaves us alone.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried." I tell him.

"I was more worried about you, though. And the baby." He says, placing his hand on my small bump. "You're showing." He leans forward and places a gentle kiss on my belly. "I love you, baby. Daddy's here."

I smile at him.

"You're going to be a good dad."

"And you're going to be a good mum."

"Hana told me that when you came in the baby's heart beat was too slow, and that you were really skinny, and you had been beaten, and lost a lot of blood. I was so scared, Tris. You're still really skinny. What did they do to you?"

"Uh, they tested serums on me, like fear serums, torture serums which were the worst, truth serums and stuff. They got worse each time. They only gave me two glasses of water and a bowl of porridge a day, so I was skinny, underfed and dehydrated. They whipped me, punched me, kicked me, and stuff."

"They didn't… you know, did they?"

"No. No. No. They didn't do, _that_."

He nods but he looks sad. I would too if it had happened to him.

"At least it's over now, right? They're all dead, and cremated so they can't come back. The war is over. We won." I try to sound optimistic but I've been through so much in my life that optimism isn't an emotion I tend to feel. "We can be a family now."

He nods again, a smile playing on his lips this time.

"We're going to be a family." He smiles brighter now, his hand rubs my belly gently, comfortingly before lying his head on it gently, on its side so that he can still look at me. I run my spare hand through his hair. I notice the stubble growing on his lower face and smile.

"You look cute with stubble." I tell him.

"Really? You look cute all the time. Our baby is going to be adorable." I blush.

"How much longer do you have to stay in the infirmary?"

"A couple more days but Hana wants you to stay in for another week so I will stay with you until you get out." I nod in reply.

"Are you okay? Are you in pain or anything?"

"I'm fine, Tris. And they have me on good pain medication so I'm not in pain. I'm just incredibly worried about the two most important people in my life." This causes me to smile.

"We'll be okay."

"I know you will be. But that doesn't stop me from worrying, because I love you both too much."

We stay like that for hours. Hana brings us food at lunch and dinner time. But we spend the day together. Talking about life, the baby, and other things. But at visiting hours Tobias has to go back to his room. He kisses me gently, and my belly, then Hana wheels him away, promising to bring him back tomorrow.

I'm just glad I've seen him again after three weeks apart.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**If you're reading my story, You and I, can you please go and answer the poll question on my page for me?**

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	26. Building a home

Life after Loss

Chapter 26: Building a home

After a week of resting in a hospital bed and occasionally walking around I am finally allowed home. Thank God, I can't stand hospitals. My bump is still getting bigger, even though it's still small, and the baby is nearly perfectly healthy now that I have been eating more. He or she is almost the size they should be for how far along I am and their heartrate is back to normal.

Tobias walks into the room, a bright smile on his face and a bag in his hand. He gives it to me and helps me get dressed. He's seen the scars before. He doesn't like them, neither do I, but they're permanent. There's no getting rid of them. Something he does like though is my bump, his hands always hover over it after he pulls my top down. I'm still sore, that's why I need help getting dressed.

I slide on my shoes and he takes my hand in his, leading me out of the infirmary after he has signed me out. We walk back home in a comfortable silence, thinking about life.

I think life is going to be good now that the war is over and we can relax. We can be a family. I just hope that nothing bad is going to happen again. I still have PTSD, and after the war it has gotten worse, especially after the things that happened in Erudite. But I'll cope. I hope so anyways. And Tobias will be there to help me. So will everyone else.

As soon as we're through the door I am plopping onto the soft, cushioned sofa, sinking into it. Relaxing.

"Are you in pain? Do you need anything?" Tobias asks, concerned as always.

"I need you to hold me." I answer and that is what he does. He sits next to me, takes me into his warm, strong arms, and holds me. "I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, too, Tris. And our baby." He plants a kiss on my forehead, I can feel him smiling.

"What are you thinking about?"

"We get to find out if Munchkin is a boy or a girl in six weeks." This also brings a smile to my face.

"Yeah. What do you want them to be?"

"I want a girl that looks just like you. But I really don't mind, so long as they're happy and healthy. What about you?"

"I would like a boy that looks just like you. But I also really don't mind. Him or her being healthy and happy is all that really matters. And we have time to have more after this one. But not straight away obviously. I mean, I'm only seventeen. Maybe in a few years we can have another, so long as everything's okay with this one." My hand rests on my belly and Tobias' rests over mine.

"Why don't we think of some names?"

"Okay. What names do you like? Bear in mind that I want the middle name, or names, to be after my family. So for a girl, her middle name is going to be Natalie, and for a boy he's going to have two middle names, Andrew Caleb."

"That's fine. I knew you'd want that anyway. For a girl I like Grace, Meghan, Sophie, Lucy, Peyton, Taylor and Jade. For a boy I like Hunter, Chase, Louis, Liam, Kyle and Tomas."

"I love those names. How about for a girl, Taylor Natalie Eaton? And for a boy, Tomas Andrew Caleb Eaton?"

"They're perfect."

We kiss gently, our hands don't leave my belly as we do.

"So, we're having a Taylor or a Tomas?" He says, smiling.

"Yeah."

"That means all of our names will begin with a T."

"It could be our little family thing. If we have other kids after this one then we have to give them a name beginning with T."

"I love it. I love you as well."

"Ditto." We both laugh, it's the happiest I've felt in a while. "So, are we going to start getting the stuff we need for Taylor or Tomas soon or are we gonna wait until we know who we're having?"

"I think we should wait. That way we know what kinda things to get."

"Okay. Then we can start building our home. Though, if we have anymore we will have to move out considering we only have one spare room."

"Yeah, but this will be our family home until then."

"Mmhmm."

I kiss him again and we put on some TV to pass the time until dinner. We meet our friends in the cafeteria, they're happy to see me out of the hospital and I'm happy to be out of there and to be able to spend some quality time with them. We talk, eat, laugh, and enjoy ourselves for the first time in a good few weeks. They're my family and I love them all to pieces.

Half way through dinner they announce the new leaders. Tori is one of them, so are Harrison and Uriah, which shocked us all. But they will be good for Dauntless, they will bring back the old ways and life won't be as dangerous as it was with Max and Eric leading.

And I'm glad to be building a home here, a family, with my family.

I just really hope everything goes well and that we won't have any troubles anymore.

**Hey Ravens, so I need you to do some things for me. First, if you are reading my story You and I could you please answer the poll question on my page for it? Also, for this story I would like you to PM me or review with whether you want them to have a boy or a girl, or both as surprise twins, since I really can't decide what they should have. Whatever most of you vote for is what I will choose. **

**Doing those things would help me out a lot. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	27. First kicks and Shocks

Life after Loss

Chapter 27: First kicks and Shocks

I am now eighteen weeks pregnant and still getting bigger by the day. I am sitting on the sofa in the living room of the apartment wearing some black maternity leggings and one of Tobias' old, dark grey t-shirts that still fit over my bump. He is at work at the moment and I am at home, alone, watching TV with my hands on my bump.

At lunch time he comes home and makes us some lunch. Afterwards we sit on the sofa, cuddled together, both of our hands on my belly.

"Two weeks." Tobias whispers.

"Yeah."

That's when I feel it. A tiny little thump inside my belly. We gasp and I know Tobias felt it too.

The baby just kicked.

"D-did the baby just kick?" Tobias asks in awe.

The baby kicks again.

"I believe so." I tell him, amazed myself.

I look at Tobias and see that there is a huge smile lighting up his face. A smile plays on my lips as well. We kiss, our hands still on my belly, but we pull apart laughing when the baby kicks again.

"I don't think the baby likes a bit of PDA." He jokes.

"Well, the baby will have to deal with it because I can't go a day without kissing you." I kiss him again and the baby kicks.

He looks at the time and groans.

"I have to go back to work, now. But I will be back for dinner okay." My lips turn down instantly, but he kisses me, and my belly before he stands. "I love you, both of you. And munchkin, stop kicking your mum so much." I smile as the baby kicks again. Tobias kisses my forehead, says goodbye and leaves the apartment.

About ten minutes later there is a knock on the door and I get up to answer it. And when I do I see someone who looks just like Caleb, my dead brother, but older.

"Beatrice." He sighs.

But I just start to panic. It can't be him. He's dead. I saw him die. Along with our parents. He's dead. He's gone. He's not coming back. They're not coming back. It's just my imagination.

I push past him. Slam the door shut. And run to Tobias.

I hear him calling me, chasing me. But I don't stop running. Even when my back starts hurting. I don't stop. Tears blur my vision but I keep running.

I don't even bother knocking on the control room door, I just go in and find Tobias and Zeke sitting in their seats, next to each other. Working. I go over to them and my knees buckle underneath me but they catch me before I fall, looking scared, worried.

"Tris, what's the matter?" Tobias asks as he sits on the floor next to me, holding me. Zeke sits on the floor on the other side of me, holding my hand.

I don't speak. I can't speak. I just panic and cry.

I see Caleb run into the room and look for me. He sees me and slowly walks over. I try to back away, but I'm in Tobias' arms. I start screaming as images of my dead family flash through my mind. I feel someone pick me up but I don't stop screaming. Or crying. Or panicking.

They're dead. They're dead. They're dead. It can't be him.

I hear voices trying to calm me down as I am placed on a bed. The images stop but the crying and panicking doesn't. I realise I am in my old bedroom in Hana's apartment. The one I spent most of my life in. Tobias, Zeke and Hana surround me, trying to get me to calm down. But I can't.

"Tris, what happened? What did you see?" Hana asks.

"C-Caleb." I stutter. Still crying.

The baby kicks and it calms me down a little. Knowing my baby is okay.

There's a fast knock on the front door.

"N-no. D-don't o-open it. P-please?" I say as Hana gets up to get it.

"Tris, you have to calm down and tell us what happened, okay. But it's rude not to open the door…"

"C-Caleb, knocked o-on m-my door. H-he was t-there. B-but older."

"Tris, he's dead."

"H-he called me B-Beatrice. N-not many people know that's my n-name." I start calming down more but I'm still crying.

"Beatrice!" I hear Caleb shout from outside of the door to the apartment.

I start panicking again.

"Tris, calm down. For the baby." Hana says, she heard it. I see in her eyes that she's angry and upset.

"I-I-I can't see him a-again." Tobias still holds me in his arms, I clutch at his shirt and he starts rubbing my sore back, but I don't say anything. He stops rubbing it though and pulls his hand away, I feel something wet on my back and know it's bleeding.

"Hana, her back is bleeding." Tobias speaks in a comforting voice.

"Okay. Zeke, go open the door but tell him not to come in here. I'll clean up her back and then have a talk with him." Zeke nods and leaves.

Tobias turns me around so my back faces Hana, I'm calmer now, but I'm still crying. I can hear his voice, pleading Zeke to let him in. But I try and remain calm, for my baby. Hana cleans my back, bandages it, and gives me some pain meds, then she leaves me and Tobias alone. Tobias just keeps holding me, never letting me go. And he whispers soothing things to me. Trying to get me to stop crying.

Since the door is now closed I can't hear what is going on outside this room. And I'm grateful for it. I don't want to hear his voice anymore. I can't hear his voice anymore.

The door opens and closes quietly but I hear it and get panicky for a few seconds until I realise it is only Zeke and Hana. They sit on the bed with us and Hana holds my hand.

"It really was him, wasn't it? He's not dead?"

"Yeah. He's gone now, though." Hana speaks quietly.

"Why isn't he dead?"

"None of them are. After what you saw happen they weren't taken to the morgue. They were taken to the Bureau whilst given serum that healed them. It was a plan. They had to go work with the Bureau or they would hurt you and Caleb. But Caleb didn't get under the floorboard in time and he had to go with them. They've been working at the Bureau all this time. But they want you to join them. That's the reason why Caleb came. To get you and take you to the Bureau. I told him you wouldn't go and he said something about going and getting your parents then coming back. But don't worry, we won't let them take you."

"I punched him a few times as well." Zeke smiles and I smile back at him.

"They lied to me. In the letters. They left me to believe they were dead. Why did they do this to me? Why did they leave me?" More tears travel down my cheeks. Hana wraps her arms around me as well and kisses the top of my head.

"We're here for you, Tris. And we aren't going anywhere. I promise." She tells me.

I start feeling sick and I assume it shows on my face because Tobias hands me the bin and I puke into it as they rub my back gently.

"W-Why did they a-abandon me?" I cry when I'm done.

They all try to comfort me, but it won't work. I wanted to die to be with my family again, but they wouldn't have been there. They lied to me. They abandoned me. They left me to suffer with PTSD when I was five years old.

I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

They aren't my family any more. The people that have looked after me and loved me for most of my life are. Hana is my mum. Zeke and Uriah are my brothers. Shauna is my sister-in-law. Michael is my nephew. My friends are my family. And I know they won't abandon me.

**Hey Ravens, thought I'd throw in a little twist. Also, you still have time to vote for whether you want the baby to be a boy, a girl, or surprise twins. PM me or review with what you want. **

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	28. Gender

Life after Loss

Chapter 28: Gender

Tobias hasn't left me for the last two weeks. Unless he had to anyway, but even then he made sure at least one person was always with me. But now I am twenty weeks pregnant and today we get to find out the gender of our baby. I've decided that I don't want the middle name(s) of our child, or any other child we might have after that, to be after who I thought was my dead family. They betrayed me. They've made me think they were dead since I was five years old. Five. They abandoned me. They lied to me. I'm still pretty shaken up from seeing my older 'brother'. They haven't come back yet though, so that's good. They're not my family anymore. They're nobodies to me. I hate them.

My real family are the people that have stuck by me for most of my life. The ones that haven't left me. The ones that were always there when I needed them. I've even started calling Hana 'mum'. She is my only mum now. My only parent.

Tobias and I are on our way to the infirmary, hand in hand. I am wearing some black, maternity, skinny jeans and a baggy black t-shirt. I'm wearing some black ballet pumps since they slide on and I can't exactly bend over to tie shoes up or anything right now. My bump is still getting bigger, and it's already large. My free hand rests on it, rubbing it in gentle circles, hoping to calm down the baby's kicking, and it works.

Tobias signs me in as I sit in the waiting room, my feet killing me already. It's not long before mum comes in and calls my name. We follow her to our usual room and I climb onto the bed. Tobias takes the seat next to it and holds my hand again. Mum lifts my top up and pulls the stretchy waist band of my jeans down a bit so she can get to the bump and squirts the gel on it.

She moves the wand around, and I look at the screen, looking at my baby who appeared on it not too long ago. Tears shine in my eyes as I look at my child. Tobias' child.

"Everything looks fine. Let's just check the heartbeat." She clicks a button and a fast, strong heartbeat fills the room. It's like magic. It's beautiful. "Do you want to know the gender?" I nod. "Okay. You're having a girl."

We're having a girl. A daughter. A tear slips out of my eye as I look at our little girl.

This is one of the happiest moments of my life.

…

On the walk home neither of us can stop smiling, it's the same when we arrive home as well. We sit on the sofa, looking at the ultrasound picture of our daughter. Smiling.

"We're having a daughter." He breathes.

"Yeah. We're having a Taylor Eaton."

"What's her middle name going to be now?"

"How about Hana? It's just, she's done so much for me over the years and I think this will be a nice way to repay her. Also, it goes nicely with Taylor."

"Taylor Hana Eaton. I love it."

"I love it, too. As well as the little girl that has that name. And you."

"I love both of you, too."

We kiss and Taylor kicks me.

"Yeah, she really doesn't like PDA." I laugh as I take Tobias' hand and place it on my bump, mine goes on top of his. She kicks again and we smile.

"She's definitely Dauntless."

"Yeah she is."

…

I awaken in the middle of the night to a hand going over my mouth and someone pulling me out of bed. I start to struggle against their grip and manage to break free.

"Tobias!" I yell.

Tobias wakes up just as the person grabs me and starts pulling me away again. Tobias runs to me and punches the person who has me, causing them to let go of me. I turn on the light and see that it was Caleb. I start to panic.

"Beatrice, you need to come with me!" Caleb spits out some blood. Tobias must have punched him hard enough to knock out a tooth, or break his jaw.

"N-no." I sink into the corner of the room, scared. I start to cry the longer I have to look at him.

Tobias takes Caleb by the arms and throws him out of the apartment, yelling at him and probably punching him again. Then he comes back to me and wraps me in his arms, holding me close to him as I cry.

"It's okay. He's gone. He's not taking you anywhere. I promise. I love you. It's okay."

"H-he's going t-t-to c-come back."

"And when he does I'll just hit him again. I'm not going to let him take you or Taylor anywhere. I promise. I won't let that happen. None of us will."

I nod into his chest because I don't want to say anything else. I can't say anything else.

So I just cry.

Scared. Terrified. Angry. Upset. A mixture of emotions are cascading through me.

"Hey, how about tomorrow we go and get some stuff for Taylor's room, so we can decorate it, yeah?"

"O-okay." I'm smiling slightly now.

"Okay. Let's go back to bed and get some rest."

I nod and we climb back into bed. His arm automatically goes round my waist, pulling me into him as much as he can with my bump. He plants a kiss on my forehead and says goodnight. Then I'm pulled into sleep, hoping that I will wake up here, safe.

**Hey, sorry for a short-ish chapter. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	29. Nursery building

Life after Loss

Chapter 29: Nursery building

A week later and Tobias and I are going to be decorating the spare room and turning it into a nursery for Taylor. I'm twenty one weeks pregnant and Tobias doesn't want me doing much but I begged him and he's allowing me to do some of it. We went shopping for a load of stuff earlier this week and managed to get nearly everything we need for the baby. Which is great because it means it's mostly done now and we don't have to do it when I'm too heavily pregnant.

Right now we are painting the walls of the room in a pale yellow colour. We decided on yellow because we think that it's neutral, pink and purple are too girly and our daughter might not be into those kinds of colours. So we will have yellow until Taylor decides what colour she wants her room to be. I am painting the bottom half of the walls so I don't have to stretch too much, Tobias is doing the top half since he doesn't want me using the step ladder.

In about an hour and a half of good teamwork we are done and waiting for the paint to dry so we can build the white furniture and add the finishing touches. We decided that on one wall we were going to have the words 'Be Brave' written on it in black curly writing. Tori has agreed to come and do that for us.

It's dry within another hour and Tori comes to do the writing for us. When she's done we thank her and she leaves us to do what we have to do.

Tobias builds the crib as I sort out the mattress, blanket, pillow and toys that are going to go in there. We put everything in and make it look pretty before moving it so it lays under the writing on the wall. Then he builds the wardrobe, chest of drawers and changing table whilst I make us some food for lunch and get us some more drinks. When I'm done with the pasta I call Tobias into the kitchen and he's sweating when he comes in.

We talk about the baby as we eat. And a few other things, but mostly the baby.

"So, we're not letting her have a boyfriend until she's at least thirty, right?" This makes me laugh. "What? I'm serious. She is not having a boyfriend until she is thirty."

"Tobias, you do realise I'm only seventeen right, and I'm having a baby, and you're only nineteen. She's going to want to have a boyfriend when she's young. She's going to want to live."

"Fine, how about twenty five?"

"Tobias. I'm not saying that she can have boyfriends at a young age, but I'm saying that we should let her live, have a life, learn from whatever mistakes she might make, you know. But I will allow you to give whoever she dates the 'if you ever hurt her I will kill you' talk because I will be doing the same thing. But don't give her an age where she can or cannot do something, that way she's just going to not listen to you and probably get hurt because of it."

"Okay. But with me it's going to be the 'if you ever hurt my daughter I will hunt you down and kill you slowly so you feel more pain than you have ever felt or imagined in your life' talk."

"That's fine with me."

We go back to talking and eating, then we go back to decorating the nursery. And when we're done I have to say that it's a masterpiece. There's an arm chair in the corner of the room as well, and a bookshelf that is already nearly full with children's books, and a toy chest filled with toys and stuffed animals, not just the white furniture, the yellow paint and the black writing on the wall.

"I think we've done a good job, Miss Pedrad."

"I think we have too, Mr Eaton. Our daughter will love this room."

"I bet she will. And I bet she will love Dauntless cake, and just everything about Dauntless."

"Or she might not."

"Come on, no child of mine could never not love Dauntless cake."

"You know not everyone has the same kinda taste buds. I mean, my dad loved mashed potato and I hate it. I love roasted potato and he hated that."

"But, come on, who cannot like Dauntless cake? I plan on giving her some as soon as she's born."

"Really? You know babies can't eat solid food for a while, right? Not until they are between four and six months old. She won't be able to eat cake for a while because you tend to start them on pureed foods like fruit and veg. She won't be able to have cake until she's at least eight months old."

"Well, as soon as she's allowed cake I'm going to give her some."

"Yeah, right. Come on. Let's get something to eat and go to bed. I'm tired."

"Okay. Go relax, I'll make some dinner for us."

He plants a kiss on my lips and goes to the kitchen whilst I go to the living room. I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to Tobias saying my name softly and his face right in front of mine as I lay on the sofa.

"Dinner's ready. Come and eat something then you can go back to sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

He helps me up and we eat dinner together. Then we go to bed without even getting changed.

"Goodnight, Tris, I love you."

I would reply but I'm too far gone.

**Hiya Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	30. Talk with Caleb

Life after Loss

Chapter 30: Talk with Caleb

I am currently twenty two weeks pregnant. Everything's going great. Caleb hasn't made another appearance, he hasn't bought his parents with him, and life is actually going well for once.

At the moment I am sitting in Hana's living room with her, drinking orange juice and talking. Everyone else is at work and she's got the day off so we decided to spend the day together. There's a knock on the door and Hana gets up to open it. That's when I hear his voice.

"Hi, can I please just talk to Beatrice?"

Tears fill my eyes as I hear his voice again.

"Caleb, it will just upset her again. Please just go away. I know you tried to kidnap her and I'm not going to let you anywhere near her now."

"Look, I'm sorry about that, okay. I just want to talk. I want to tell her how I feel. I just want to talk to my little sister."

"Go away."

"No. I just want ten minutes to explain myself, okay. Ten minutes. Then I'll go and never come back again."

Hana looks at me and I nod.

"Fine. Ten minutes. I'll be in the kitchen."

She goes to the kitchen and Caleb comes in, shutting the door quietly behind him.

He sits next to me, on the sofa, looking at me.

"I thought you wanted to talk." I say.

"Beatrice, I'm sorry, for everything. I didn't know that mum and dad were going to fake their deaths, I didn't. I just knew that we had to hide under the floorboard. Then I didn't get under on time and I was being beaten and whatnot. But when I woke up I knew it was just a game, I knew that they were faking their deaths and that because I couldn't make it under the floor boards on time, I was part of their plan. But as soon as they explained everything to me I wanted to come home to you. I wanted to go back to the city and be your brother, but they made me stay because I knew too much. I tried to come back, I did. I tried to come home to you, but they stopped me every time. So I just gave in and tried to fit in there. But I couldn't. I hated every minute of it. I wanted to come back so badly. I wanted to be with you. But I couldn't. Then a few months ago they wanted me to come here and get you so you could come and be with us. But all I wanted to do was come and stay here with you because I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to be your brother again. But when I came for you, you freaked out and I know it must have been hard because you thought I was dead, but I'm not, and I want to be your brother again, I really do. I only tried to kidnap you so we can talk, I wasn't really going to take you there. I hate it, it's horrible. And I know I can't take you away from your new family which is a whole lot better than we ever were. Especially now that you're pregnant. But I'm not going back. They can't force me to go back there, it's my life, I can do whatever the hell I want to do. And I want to be here, with you, and my niece or nephew, I always have wanted to come back, and now I am back, and I'm staying. I know it's probably going to take a while for you to forgive me, and to let me into your life, but I'll be here when you're ready. I love you, Beatrice. I never stopped loving you. You're my sister and nothing will ever change that. I'm sorry."

Tears are streaming down both of our faces.

"Why didn't you just leave?"

"I tried, so many times, but they caught me and took me back."

"You saying this isn't just a game to get me to go with you, right?"

"No. God no. That place is awful. I hate it so much. I want to live here. In Dauntless, with you and your new family, which I'm hoping you'll let me be a part of some day."

I look into his eyes, trying to decipher whether he is telling the truth or not, and I see no hints of untruth, so I nod.

"I'm having a girl, by the way."

"Really?" He's smiling brightly.

I nod.

"That's amazing. Have you thought of a name for her yet?"

"Yeah, but we don't want to tell anyone until she's born."

"Okay. How far along are you?"

"Twenty two weeks. I don't forgive you yet, by the way. But it's good to have you back."

"I completely understand."

"What did you do? In the Bureau I mean."

"Well, I went to the school there, I just finished two years ago. I then worked for security, in the control room and as a police officer kind of thing. It depended on the day of the week which part of the job I would be doing."

"Sounds very Dauntless."

"Yeah, well, I trained and decided to do a Dauntless kinda job because I knew that's where you'd be going to live with our godparents, and I thought that if I trained hard enough I might be able to get out and come and be with you."

Hana walks in at that moment.

"It's been ten minutes. Is everything okay in here?" She looks at me as she asks this.

"Yeah, we're fine. Just talking."

"Okay. Uh, I'm going to the cafeteria to grab something to eat. Do you guys want anything?"

"Can I have a hamburger with some fries please?"

"Of course you can. How about you Caleb?"

"I'm fine, thank you Hana."

She nods and leaves, after giving me another look to which I just reply with a nod.

"What do you do for a living?"

"Well, the war started before I could choose a job. And when the war ended I was pregnant so they decided to let me wait until after I have the baby to choose a job. I'll probably choose something simple like working in the control room, or the tattoo parlour or something, though."

He nods.

"How are Natalie and Andrew?" I ask, just trying to make conversation, I don't really care since they abandoned me.

"They're okay. They had another baby, you know. A year after what happened. You would have been six at the time she was born. We have a ten year old sister. She turns eleven soon though."

I have a sister.

"What's her name?"

"Elizabeth, but we call her Ellie for short. She looks a lot like you actually."

"Does she know about me?"

"Yeah, we told her about you all the time."

"Well, what little you knew about me anyway."

"Beatrice, I do want to get to know you. And I do want to be your brother again."

"Well, how about we start by saying that I have severe PTSD and have done since the day you all 'died'. And because of it I have nightmares and flashbacks of you guys getting tortured and dying, if I see something that reminds me of any of you I shut down or go crazy. And I almost lost my baby because of it."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, but Natalie and Andrew aren't. Look, I'm tired and I think this is enough for today so can you go, please. It's just getting a bit too much right now."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I love you, Bea."

Then he's gone, and I'm in a puddle of tears.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	31. Meeting Ellie

Life after Loss

Chapter 31: Meeting Ellie

Eight weeks later and I am sitting on the sofa in mine and Tobias' apartment. Watching TV. Caleb and I have talked a few times since last time, and he went back to get Ellie so I could meet her. He's getting back today. I am alone in the apartment, waiting for Caleb and our sister to get here. My hands rest on my large belly, rubbing it lightly. I am now thirty weeks pregnant.

There is a knock on the door and I stand up, waddle over to it, and open it to find Caleb and a little girl on the other side, smiling brightly.

"Tris, hey, this is Ellie. Ellie, this is Tris."

I smile at the girl and she smiles back before wrapping her arms around my large belly. I wrap my arms around her as well. I let them in and we sit on the sofa.

"Caleb said there's a baby in your belly. Is that why you're so big?" I smile at her and nod. "You're pretty."

"Thank you. You're pretty too." She is. Caleb's right, she does look a lot like me with her blonde hair, though her eyes aren't blue/grey, they're just blue. But she really is beautiful. "So, what do you like to do?"

"Draw, paint, read, and learn new things. I also like to dance, and sing, and explore."

"She's very curious. Much like you." Caleb tells me.

"I can see that. Would any of you like a drink or anything?"

"Juice please." Ellie says. I look to Caleb and he just shakes his head, telling me he doesn't want anything.

I stand up and go to the kitchen. I pour both me and Ellie a glass of juice and go back to the living room. I give Ellie hers and put mine of the coffee table.

"So, how were Natalie and Andrew when you went back?" I ask Caleb.

"They were okay, I guess. Though, they weren't too pleased that I wanted to bring Ellie here to meet you. I have to take her back tomorrow."

I nod in response.

"Tris, when is the baby going to be here?" Ellie asks.

"In about ten weeks."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl."

"What are you going to name her?"

"We decided that we don't want to tell anyone until she is born."

"Who's we?"

"Me and my boyfriend."

"Is he her dad?"

"Yeah."

"How is a baby made?"

I look to Caleb, shocked, he is too.

"Uh, Ellie, mum and dad can have that talk with you some other time." Caleb says and she pouts.

"Okay… Where is your boyfriend?"

"He's at work."

"When can I meet him?"

"Maybe later, if not then some other time."

Ellie and I keep going round, asking each other questions and getting to know each other. She's very clever, and curious. She'd be a fine Erudite. She does meet Tobias, when he comes home from work. They get to know each other as well, she ends up loving him and he ends up loving her. Their bond is quite adorable actually, and I can't wait for our little girl to get here so that I can see him and her together, and all of their little father/daughter moments.

Caleb and Ellie leave after dinner, going back to the hotel room they are staying in since Caleb hasn't managed to get an apartment yet.

Then it's just Tobias and I, sitting on the sofa, cuddled together. Our hands on my belly.

"I can't wait for Taylor to get here." He breathes against my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"Neither can I. There's only ten more weeks to go, though. Not long left."

"Yeah. Then I can protect her from all of the boys that will be going after her because she'll have her mummy's good looks." I smile and blush. "Honestly, if anybody ever hurts her I'll throw them in the Chasm, after beating them up a little bit."

"I know you will. I will, too. You're going to be an amazing father, Tobias."

"And you are going to be an amazing mother, Tris."

He plants a gentle kiss on my lips, and on my belly.

"I love you both, so, so much."

"We love you, too."

…

Later that night I am in the kitchen, getting myself a drink, Tobias is still asleep in bed, when someone's hand covers my mouth and they start dragging me away. I know it's not Caleb's hand, it's bigger. I drop my glass and it shatters on the floor.

"Tris!" I hear Tobias call from the bedroom.

He comes to the living room to see me being dragged towards the door, probably looking terrified. He starts to come but someone shoots him and he falls to the ground. I start screaming but the sound is muffled.

Tears blur my vision and I let them fall as I am dragged out of the apartment and away from my home, my family. I try to get out of their firm grip but I can't. It's too difficult.

We are outside Dauntless and I am practically thrown in a truck. Caleb and Ellie are in here as well, looking scared. They slam the doors and soon we are driving somewhere.

"Where are they taking us?" I ask through my tears.

"The Bureau." Caleb says.

Some weird fog thing fills the compartment and I start to feel drowsy.

Then I'm gone.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can.**

**Please review!**


	32. Seeing them again

Life after Loss

Chapter 32: Seeing them again

Tobias' POV:

I wake up on the living room floor with a needle in my arm that put me to sleep.

It wasn't a dream. They took Tris. She's gone. She's been kidnapped.

She's pregnant and she's been kidnapped.

What if I lose her? Or the baby? Or both of them?

I won't be able to live.

I stand up and rush out of the apartment, running to Zeke's. I bang on the door, loud. A sleepy Zeke opens the door.

"What do you want at three in the morning?" He whines, but then he looks at my face, sees my tears and looks worried. "What? What is it?"

"They've got Tris. They kidnapped her. I tried to stop them but they shot me with something that put me to sleep. I don't know what to do. I need your help."

"Fuck. Come in, I'll call everyone and we can come up with something."

I nod and plop on his sofa as he calls everyone.

What am I going to do?

…

Tris' POV:

I wake up in a white room with three beds in it. I'm on one of the beds, Caleb is on another, and Ellie on another. The blankets covering us are grey, and so is the heavy metal door.

I sit up, groaning as the baby kicks my ribs. At least I know Taylor is okay, for now. I start crying and soon Caleb and Ellie wake up, they come over to me and try to comfort me but all I want is my family. I want Tobias, Hana, Zeke, Uriah, Shauna, Marlene, Lynn, Christina, Will, Tori, Amar, and Michael, just everyone.

The door opens and in walks two people I never thought I'd see again, and never wanted to see again, not after what I found out.

Natalie and Andrew. The people who abandoned me.

I glare at them, not even bothering to hide my anger.

"Hey Beatrice, it's nice to see you again, I missed you, we both did." Natalie says, coming closer to me.

"Get away from me, don't touch me!" I yell.

"That is no way to speak to your mother, Beatrice." Andrew scolds.

"She's not my mother. She's nothing to me. Neither are you. You both abandoned me when I needed you. I thought you were dead. I had PTSD because of you. I almost lost my baby because of you. I hate you, both of you. You lied to me."

"Beatrice, we had no choice to leave you. We thought we were going to die, we did. That's why we wanted you and Caleb to hide, but when we woke up I realised we were lied to. We're so sorry for leaving you. We wanted to go back to you." I can see tears in her eyes but I know they're fake, I can tell that she's lying to me by the look in her eyes.

"You're lying to me. And if you wanted to come back to me you would have at least tried. But you didn't. I know Caleb did, but you stopped him. Why did you leave me?"

"To protect you."

"Bullshit. If it was to protect me then you wouldn't have brought me here now. You wouldn't have taken me away from my home, my family. You wouldn't have taken me away from the father of my baby. You would have left me there, to be happy."

"This is your home now. We're your family. And we'll help you with the baby."

"I don't want you. I hate you. I don't want you anywhere near my baby. This will never be my home. And you will never be my family. You abandoned me. Family doesn't abandon one another. I was five years old and you just left me. I thought you fucking died. How long have we been here?"

"A week." Andrew tells me.

"See your family are abandoning you by not coming to find you."

I can see something in Natalie's eyes that tells me she's lying. That they are coming, or they have come. They've done something.

"What have you done? You're lying."

She smiles at me, an evil smile.

"Don't worry. I just put them in a different cell. In fact, they're in the one right next door." She says, pointing to the wall to my right.

Then they're gone and it's just me, Caleb and Ellie in the room.

I stand up and go to the wall to my right. I notice a hole in the bottom corner of the wall and I struggle to sit down on the floor next to it.

"Tobias." I say his name, loudly but not too loud, hoping he'll hear me.

I hear movement and a hand pops through the hole, Tobias' hand. I put my hand in it and he squeezes it gently.

"We'll be okay, Tris. We'll get out of here. I promise. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess. Are you okay? Is everyone else okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, we're fine. Shauna is the only one not here since she's at home looking after Michael. I bet she's worrying a lot, since we've been here for a week."

"I'm sorry we're in the situation right now."

"It's not your fault, Tris. Don't blame yourself. Blame Natalie and Andrew, they did this. I'm sorry we didn't rescue you and we aren't at home right now."

"It's okay. I've been asleep this whole time anyway. I'm sure you wouldn't be able to carry me."

"Why? You're not that heavy. And we did bring a truck, and a lot of weapons. But they were waiting for us and well, put us all to sleep. We woke up in here a few days ago."

The baby kicks hard and I groan.

"Tris, are you okay?" I can sense the worry in his voice.

"Yeah, the baby kicked my ribs really hard, that's all." My free hand rubs my large belly gently.

I hear him breathe a sigh of relief.

I realise that the wall is quite thin and probably easy to break, with the boys' help. Who makes a cell with a wall this thin?

"Tobias, have you noticed how thin the wall is?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"You and the boys should break it, or at least some of it so we can see each other."

"Wouldn't Natalie and Andrew get angry though?"

"I don't care. I need you, and so does our daughter, maybe then she'll stop kicking my ribs for a bit." I groan as she does it again.

"Okay. Stand back." Caleb helps me up and we walk to the other side of the room. I sit on my bed, which is against the other wall, and my siblings join me.

I hear movements on the other side of the wall and soon there is a large hole in the middle of the wall. I see they used one of their beds to break it. They put the bed down and Tobias rushes over to me, holding me in his arms, my head resting against his chest.

He kisses the top of my head. "You're okay. I'm so glad you're okay." He whispers.

"I'm glad you're okay, too."

We pull back and kiss sweetly before his hands go to my stomach. Taylor kicks his hands and we laugh.

"She's still a true Dauntless." He says, proudly.

He moves slightly and everyone else hugs me, I also introduce them to Caleb and Ellie.

We sit and talk for a while. Trying to take our minds off everything. I notice Zeke looks sad, it's probably because he's been away from Shauna and Michael for a week, and will be away from them for longer.

I hope we get out of here soon. I definitely don't want to give birth in this place.

**Hey Ravens, how are you?**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	33. Braxton Hicks and Fears

Life after Loss

Chapter 33: Braxton Hicks and Fears

I wake up to a tight feeling in my stomach that feels uncomfortable. I groan and Tobias, who is currently spooning me since that is the only way we can sleep on the small bed together, wakes up.

"Tris, are you okay?" He asks, I can sense the worry in his voice.

"Yeah, I think." I answer, not really knowing if I'm okay or not.

"What's wrong? Is it the baby?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want me to get Hana?"

"Maybe."

He gets out of the bed and walks over to where Hana is sleeping. He wakes her up and they come over.

"Tris, are you okay? What did you feel?" She asks. Tobias sits next to me, holding my hand. She's sitting on the other side of me.

"I don't know. My stomach was tight, but it went back to normal after like thirty seconds."

"Was it painful?"

"No, it was more… uncomfortable."

"Okay. Everything's fine, it was just a Braxton Hicks."

"A what?" Tobias questions.

"It's a contraction that prepares the body for labour, but she's not in labour so don't worry. Though, if they get more painful, last longer, and are closer together, that's a sign that labour is just about to start or you are in labour. Also, if you have persistent lower back pain or your waters break. Come and get me if any of those things happen, but they shouldn't happen yet, so don't worry. You're still only thirty two weeks, so you shouldn't be going into labour yet."

I nod and she goes back to her bed, telling us to get her if anything happens or whatever. I sit up, not able to go back to sleep, my back rests against the wall.

We've been here, in the Bureau, for a week now. When Natalie and Andrew saw the whole in the wall and that we were all together they were angry, but they didn't do anything about it, they couldn't.

They've been testing on some of us as well. Mostly me, Tobias, Uriah, Hana, Amar and George since we are Divergent. They've been putting us through fear landscapes and everything else they have that's a serum. Well, most things. I remember having to watch Tobias go through a torture serum, which hurt him a lot. He was screaming and crying. And I had to watch. It was the worst thing I have ever witnessed. I cried a lot. I also had to watch Hana, Uriah, Amar and George go through it as well. I shed a lot of tears that day. The others watched as well, and they cried but probably not as much as Zeke and I did. They were going to make me go through it as well but Tobias forced them to not do that because of the baby.

These past few days have been horrible and all I want is to go home. So we can go back to the way we used to be. So we can be a family.

My hands rest on my large bulge and Taylor kicks. I smile slightly. Her kicks have been one of the only things keeping me sane recently.

"Are you okay, Tris?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I look at Tobias and place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"We'll get out of here, Tris. I know we will." He tells me, hopefully.

I hope we get out of here, I really do. I hope it is before Taylor is born, I don't want her to be born here. But we've thought of many things, many plans, that aren't going to work.

We just have to hope that the Dauntless know that we're missing and they'll come looking for us.

Tobias wraps me in his arms and I cuddle into him. Breathing in his scent. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel at home, even when I'm not at home.

Natalie and Andrew barge into the room, making everyone wake up and glare at them. Even Caleb and Ellie glare at them.

"Calm down, guys, we just want to take Tris with us for a little bit." Natalie says, grinning.

Andrew comes over and drags me up, leading me out of the room as I struggle against him, but I'm not strong enough. I hear a commotion in the room. My family doesn't want me to go on my own, I know that. I don't want to go on my own either. They could do something to Taylor.

I'm scared of them. I have to admit that. I'm scared of my birth parents and what they can do.

I'm taken to a small white room with a metal table in the middle of it, and silver drawers and cabinets around the walls. I'm strapped to the table and I can't struggle anymore. They move the table so it's like I'm standing up, but I'm not. My feet aren't on the floor.

I see Natalie take a syringe out of a drawer and she walks over to me slowly. Making me more scared.

Please don't hurt Taylor. Please don't hurt my daughter.

She sticks it in my neck and as soon as the liquid it in me I feel sharp pain everywhere. It's the torture serum. I scream, and cry. And I try to get out of it. For the sake of my daughter.

I have to get out of this.

I try to breathe. I try to think about this and that it's not real. It's just some serum.

Then the pain is gone and they're both glaring at me. They're angry. And they're going to do something, aren't they?

Tears are pouring out of my eyes and Andrew slaps me, around the face, hard.

Natalie unties me from the table and pushes me to the floor, I land on my hands and knees. I hear Andrew undoing his belt and I know exactly what is going to happen to me. I try to move away but Natalie holds me still, gripping my shoulders tightly. So tight that it's going to leave bruises.

No. They can't do this to me. I thought they cared. That's what they've been saying all bloody week.

The first whip comes and I cry out in pain. Then again, and again, and again. I lose count on how many times he hits me with his belt. All I feel is pain, and the fresh tears making their way down my cheeks.

Eventually he stops, and he drags me away, back to my room. He practically throws me on my bed and everyone is glaring at him, but Tobias lays me down gently, on my side.

The door slams and he's gone.

I just cry as everyone rushes around me. Hana tries to clean my wounds as best as she can with the water we have. Tobias holds my hand the whole time. Caleb gives me his shirt to change in to, he has a vest on underneath so he still has clothes on his top half.

"Does anything else hurt other than your back?" Hana asks me. I nod. "Your belly?" I nod again.

They all look so worried, I'm terrified.

What if something's wrong with Taylor? What if she's born early and we aren't out of here so we can't go to the hospital? What if she dies? What if…?

At some point I drift into sleep. Not knowing what will happen when I wake up.

**Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait, I've been so busy lately trying to sort college out and everything that I just haven't had much time to write. Also, I go back to college next week so updates will be slow-ish. Also, I was going to update yesterday, or this morning but my internet wasn't working properly and it wouldn't let me. Sorry. **

**I will update again when I can, **

**Please review!**


	34. This can't be happening

Life after Loss

Chapter 34: This can't be happening

My eyes open slowly and all I can feel is pain. Everywhere.

Taylor? Is she okay?

Is she… dead?

My eyes are wide open, alert. Tobias is asleep next to me, his eyes red and puffy, his cheeks stained with tears. He's been crying. Something's wrong?

"Tobias." I whisper, but he hears me and wakes up immediately.

"Tris, thank god. I've been so worried…"

"Is Taylor okay?"

That's when he saddens.

"We don't know Tris. We won't know until we get out of here. Or until she's born."

This makes me sadder. Our daughter could be in danger and we don't even know. She could be dead.

"Sorry, if you're in pain. They haven't given us any pain medication for you."

"It's okay. I'll be fine."

"What did they do to you before they beat you?"

"They put me through the torture serum, and I managed to get out of it sooner than they expected so they beat me."

He kisses my forehead, I can see tears in his eyes but he pushes them down. He wants to be strong, for me, for Taylor.

We just sit in our bed, in silence, for a while.

…

4 weeks later:

We're still here. In this horrid place. We're all still being tested on and hurt. We're being fed three, small meals a day. And every time we try to escape we get caught. 

I am thirty six weeks pregnant. Braxton hicks are annoying. But whenever Taylor kicks or moves it makes me happy to know she is still alive in there. My bump is bigger now, too. I'm just glad she's alive.

Natalie and Andrew take me out of the room again. Alone.

They put me through a fear landscape and I get out of it. Andrew slaps me a few times before they inject something else into me. I don't know what, though, since it doesn't do anything.

They take me back to the room and slam the door after pushing me in.

I feel sick, so I puke, on the floor in one corner of the room. Tobias rubs my back. My back hurts but I don't complain. It's just a part of being heavily pregnant.

"Is this morning sickness again because she hasn't puked since that ended?" Tobias asks Hana.

"No, morning sickness doesn't come back in the third trimester."

"Then why is she puking?"

"Tris, what did they do to you?" Hana asks me.

"Uh, put me through a fear landscape, Andrew slapped me a few times, and they injected me with something else but it didn't do anything. Now I feel sick and my back hurts."

"Okay, where in your back hurts?"

"At the bottom."

She looks shocked, almost scared even.

"What? What is it?" Tobias asks.

"I think they've induced her into labour." Hana speaks so quietly that I almost don't hear it. But I do, and tears spring to my eyes.

"But she's not getting contractions."

"Vomiting, or diarrhoea, along with back pain and period like cramps are all signs of early labour. She's got two of those things right now, so she's in labour."

"No, it's too early. I still have four weeks until she's due." A tear slips out of my eye.

"Tris, everything is going to be okay. Early labour can last for ages. I would know. With Zeke it lasted for twenty four hours and with Uriah it lasted thirty six hours. So we have some time to try and get out of here. But right now we need to get her on the bed and make a plan."

Tobias and Zeke help me onto my bed, making a mountain of pillows so I'm comfortable, my back still hurts from the beating the other week and it hurts more now. I get a cramp and squeeze Tobias' hand gently, he kisses my forehead and whispers to me that everything is going to be okay.

Then they all try to come up with a plan whilst Hana and Tobias help me get through the early stages of labour.

All I think is that this can't be happening. Not now.

**Hey Ravens, I am so sorry for the wait, and the short chapter, but I have been so busy lately and I haven't had much time to write. I'm trying to find a part time job (I had an interview yesterday), and I started college again last week so I have been really busy. Sorry, but I will try and come up with a schedule or whatever. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	35. Labour pains

Life after Loss

Chapter 35: Labour

Natalie's POV:

When Andrew and I arrive at David's office my mind feels fresher, like I'm not as angry as I was before. By the look on Andrew's face he feels the same way.

"Hello, you two, did you have fun with your daughter just now?" David asks us.

"What are you talking about?" I reply.

"Well, ever since Beatrice and her friends arrived you two haven't been treating them very well, have you? I mean, Andrew beat the poor, heavily pregnant Beatrice four weeks ago, and has been doing so ever since. And today, well, you just sent you thirty six weeks pregnant daughter into labour. Congratulations, you're going to be grandparents soon, and by the way you've been treating your daughter recently it wouldn't surprise me if that child is dead."

I'm shocked.

"What did you do to us?" Andrew asks, angrily.

We would never hurt our daughter. He's done something.

"Oh, I just put you under a little simulation that allowed me to control you both for weeks on end. Now your daughter hates you and I'm going to get her baby when it's born. I mean, with two strong Divergent parents that baby is going to be the best thing that has ever been created, and I can't not have it. So yeah, as soon as that baby is born, it's mine. I suggest you don't try to help her because she hates you both and wouldn't trust you if her life depended on it. Oh, wait, it does."

No. He can't do this.

I look at Andrew and instantly know he's thinking the same thing that I am. We rush out of the room and make our way to our children.

…

Tris' POV:

"Ow." I cry as another contraction makes its way through my belly. It's not too painful yet but I know it's only going to get worse. Tobias' hand is in mind and he kisses my forehead gently, letting me know he's here and he's not going to leave me. Mum is next to me as well, holding my other hand whilst occasionally checking what's going on down the business end. Tears are pouring down my cheeks and I'm not doing anything to stop them. I'm too scared and in pain right now to even care.

The door bangs open and I look to see Natalie and Andrew there, looking worried. They look like they have changed but I don't care.

"Leave. Get away from me!" I yell as they start coming towards me.

"Tris, none of this is our fault okay, David put us in a simulation and has been controlling us for weeks. We wouldn't ever hurt you."

"Well, you have, now go. I can't trust you anymore. You lied to me."

"We know, and we're so sorry. But we can help you."

"I don't need your help. Leave me alone."

"Yeah, get out of here!" Zeke yells.

"David wanted you to be in labour now so that when the baby is born he can have her. He's going to take your baby from you and test on her. You have to believe us."

"We'll be okay protecting her on our own, okay? Now leave… ow." I squeeze Tobias' hand as the contraction passes through me. Natalie takes a step towards me but I scream at her, "Go away! You're not my mum anymore! I don't need you! I hate you!"

"We can help you get out of here. We can send you back to the city."

"Maybe we should go with them, it could be our only chance of getting out of here so that Tris doesn't have to have the baby here." Caleb suggests and I glare at him.

"Tris, he's right. We won't be able to move you very well once you get to four centimetres, you'll only be able to walk short distances then. We have some weapons, and we know how we got here so if they betray us we can get out. But we need to move you fast. And we need to get you to a hospital." Hana says.

"B-but…"

"I know, Tris, I know. But we have to trust them for now. We can get you out of here and to a hospital okay. And none of us are going to leave your side. I promise."

I just nod. Knowing that I need to get out of here and to a hospital to make sure Taylor is okay.

Hana and Tobias help me up and stand on either side of me, holding my hands and having their spare arms wrapped around me to keep me upright.

We reluctantly follow Natalie and Andrew through the Bureau. And when the guards see us they don't question us since Natalie and Andrew are there and they could be taking us anywhere to test on us. Soon we're out of the large building and are in a truck, being driven by Natalie and Andrew. I am curled into Tobias, and holding his hand the entire time. Crying. Hana rubs my sore back. And when we're outside the fence that is surrounding the Bureau, Natalie and Andrew get out and open the back door.

"This is where we'll leave you. Someone else is going to have to drive. There's a communications device in the front as well so you can contact someone in the city. Good luck. And we're sorry, for everything." Andrew says.

Then they're gone. I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. I can't face them. Not after everything. Even if they were telling the truth about David putting them in a sim.

Zeke decides to drive the truck and the rest of us stay in the back. Zeke calls Shauna to say we're on our way home and that she has to meet us at the Dauntless infirmary. I just cry, and I cry harder every time a contraction comes.

Ellie is coming with us, Caleb will be looking after her. After everything I don't think she trusts our biological parents now as well.

We get to Dauntless just as my waters decide to break and the pain gets worse.

I just hope our daughter is okay.

**Hey Ravens, how are you? Sorry for the wait. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review… and tell me what you want to happen next? Or what you think is going to happen next? **

**If you tell me what you want to happen in this story I might take some of those things on board and include them. Although I have my own ideas for things to happen I want to include my reader's thoughts and ideas as well. It would help me out a lot. **


	36. More Pain

Life after Loss

Chapter 36: More Pain

But it's not just my waters that come. It's blood. We realise that when Tobias picks me up out of the truck and the blood covers my gown. I start sobbing as they rush me to the infirmary. I feel weak. Weaker than ever before.

Just as we burst through the infirmary doors my eyes droop and blackness covers my field of vision.

…

Tobias' POV:

She's unconscious. And she's bleeding.

A nurse rushes over to us and asks what's wrong.

"She's been hurt, and induced into labour. She's thirty six weeks pregnant. She's bleeding." Is all I manage to say. The tears in my eyes start to fall.

I place Tris gently on a bed and they wheel her away. I try to follow them but they don't let me.

So I just sit in the waiting room with my head in my hands, crying. The others are here as well, Shauna and Michael came to join us, they met us here. Everyone is just silently waiting.

Four hours pass by before a nurse comes out to us. But she only asks for me. She wants to speak to me privately. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know.

I stand in front of her, worried. We're standing outside the room Tris is in, sleeping.

Just say something already.

"Is she okay? Is our daughter okay?"

"So you didn't know?"

"Know what?"

"Tris was pregnant with twins. The other baby, a boy, was against her back, which is why he didn't show up in any ultrasounds, because your daughter was covering him, it also explains why Tris looked like she was only pregnant with one baby."

"Is he okay?" I'm shocked.

We have a son.

She looks upset. Sad. Guilty.

Something's wrong.

"Your son is doing okay, he needs some help with breathing and he needs some more nutrients because he's small, he didn't get as many nutrients as his sister did. But I believe he will be okay."

"What about our daughter?"

"I'm sorry. You said your wife was beaten, and hurt. Your daughter got the worst of it. I'm guessing Tris fell on her stomach a few times, or more than a few. Maybe even kicked or punched there. We tried everything we could to save her, but she was very fragile. I'm sorry but your daughter is gone."

More tears fall. Our daughter is dead. Taylor is dead.

"Is Tris okay?"

"She's fine. She's still sleeping though. She lost a lot of blood so she's going to need a blood transfusion. You can go in and see her if you want. When Tris wakes up I'm going to need you to press the call button though so I can come and talk to you both. See how you're coping."

I just nod and walk into the room.

There she is. The love of my life. Lying in the bed. Pale. Her stomach is deflated slightly, the bump not as big as it used to be. She's attached to bags of blood, nutrients and pain medicine.

I sit in the chair next to the bed and take her warm hand in mine.

Our daughter is dead. How am I going to tell her that after everything she has been through?

But we have a son now. A son we didn't know about but is a miracle. What are we going to name him?

Tears are still lining my cheeks when she wakes up, an hour after I entered the room. She looks at me and I know she can tell that something is wrong.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Tears fill her eyes and I know that more tears are going to fall when she hears the truth. And that pains me. "Is Taylor okay?"

I take a deep breath and tell her everything. Starting by telling her we have a son, like the nurse did with me. It might soften the blow a bit.

"Taylor's gone, Tris." Is the last thing I say and it's enough to send her into sobs.

I sit next to her on the bed and hold her in my arms, I start sobbing as well.

But I press the call button, after about ten minutes of us crying together and holding each other.

The nurse walks in and looks at us sympathetically.

"I know this is hard, I do. But I was wondering if you wanted to see your daughter. I can bring her in and you can hold her for however long you want."

"Y-yes." Tris cries. I nod.

"Okay. I'll go and get her."

She's gone then. But she comes back about five minutes later with a baby in her arms, wrapped in a pink blanket. Our dead daughter.

The nurse places Taylor in Tris arms and we both look at her pale, tiny body. Then she leaves to give us some time.

"She's so beautiful." Tris whispers.

"Yeah."

And she is. She has Tris' blonde hair and my facial features. She's perfect. But she's gone.

"Why does all the bad things have to happen to us?"

"I don't know, Tris. But I promise you that things will get better. I'll do anything to make things better for you. And we'll have another daughter one day. I know we will."

"But she won't be Taylor."

"I know she won't be. But she'll be ours. And she'll be perfect."

"This is my fault, isn't it?"

"No, it's not your fault. It's Natalie's, and Andrew's, and David's. Those are the people to blame. They're the people that hurt us and sent you into labour early."

"But they did that stuff because I'm Divergent and I managed to get out of the serums too quick."

"You're not the one to be blamed. It's not your fault you're Divergent. It's not your fault they hurt you."

"I just want our baby back."

"I know. I want her too. But we have a son, who's alive. We will have a daughter one day, but for now, we have a son who needs us."

She just nods and continues to look at our daughter, so do I.

I don't know how long it's been before the nurse comes back in, asking us if we're done. Tris starts complaining, saying we're not done and that she's our daughter so they can't take her from us. But the nurse replies that she can take photos of her, and get her hands and feet printed onto a block of clay, which they can write her name on so we can have something from her. We can even give her a funeral. Tris agrees to all of those things and so do I.

Then we're taken to see our son. I am pushing Tris in the wheelchair she is in, because she's just had a C-section she is advised to rest as much as possible. The nurse is pushing the pole with the medication and blood on it.

We're taken into a room with an incubator that holds our son in it in the middle of the room. Then we're left alone.

He's tiny. Tinier than his sister. And he has my hair with Tris' facial features. There is a cannula in his tiny nose to help him breathe. There is a needle in his small arm that gives him nutrients. All that he is wearing is a diaper and a black hat. But he's perfect. He's sleeping as well.

"He's perfect." I whisper.

"Yeah. What are we going to name him?"

"How about Tyler? Because it's like Taylor, so it's after his sister. Tyler Eaton. Though I have no idea what his middle name could be."

"Tyler Michael Caleb Eaton."

"Perfect."

Each of us has an index finger in our son's hands. There are doors in the side of the incubator which allow us to touch him, because this is the only contact we'll be getting for a few weeks. Until he can breathe on his own and he's a good size. Because he wasn't born at full term he is small, but because he didn't get as many nutrients as Taylor did he's smaller. He only weighs about four pounds. But he has to get to at least six pounds to be let home.

I just hope he's okay so we can take him home soon.

**Hey Ravens, sorry for the sad chapter but it had to happen. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review… and tell me what you want to happen next or at any point throughout the story. I might include your thoughts if you tell me what you want. **


	37. Natalie and Andrew

Life after Loss

Chapter 37: Natalie and Andrew

Natalie's POV:

I put a bullet through his head. David's. He's gone now. He can't make me hurt my children anymore. He can't hurt anyone anymore.

Andrew and I are making our way back to Chicago. Andrew's driving the truck we're in. I just sit there, hoping our children are okay. Our grandchild. I hope we can make things right with Tris, and Caleb, and Ellie. I just want my children back so bad. I've wanted Tris back since she was five and we lost her because of David. But now, hopefully we can get her back.

And we have a granddaughter. Maybe this can be our fresh start. That little girl might just bring us together. As a family.

…

We arrive at Dauntless and hurry to the infirmary, where we know they'll be. We get to the infirmary and Zeke, I think his name is, stops us.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To see our daughter." Andrew answers.

"Only Tobias has been allowed in there. We haven't been told anything. And what makes you think she'd want to see you after everything you've put her through."

"It wasn't our fault, it was David's, but he's gone now. I killed him."

"That doesn't change anything. You hurt her. She's scared of you. You hurt us as well and made her watch. So I suggest you leave."

"She's our daughter, we can see her if we want!" Andrew yells.

"She's my sister and I'm not going to let you upset her again."

"We won't. We promise. Just please let us see her."

"Fine, but if you upset her one more time, I swear to god, I'll hunt you down and hurt you until you really are dead."

I just nod and we ask the nurse where our daughter is. She looks at us sympathetically and I wonder why but we find her room before I can even question it.

When we enter I see Tris wrapped in Tobias' arms, they're both crying so hard it makes me want to cry.

But when she sees us her face contorts into fear, and anger, and hatred. Three things I never want to see on her face, especially when directed at me or Andrew.

"You…" she pulls the wires out of her arms and lunges at us but she doesn't get far because Tobias pulls her back gently and sets her on the bed. "You killed her. You killed our daughter. I hate you. I hate you more than anything. You're not my parents. You never were. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."

That's when my tears fall.

We killed our own granddaughter. Because of David. But we still killed her. It was us.

"Get out!" Tris yells.

So we do. We leave and plan on never coming back. In fact, we leave the city again, and decide to make a home for ourselves in another city. Because, my god, that was painful.

We just lost our children forever.

What have we done?

…

Tris' POV:

I can't believe they had the nerve to show up after everything they did. They killed our daughter. They killed her.

The nurse is attaching the wires and things back to my arm.

I have to admit that I wanted to kill them. I want them dead.

But it's too late now. Hopefully they're out of my life for good. Hopefully I won't ever have to see them again.

But knowing my luck I will have to.

"Can I check your scar? To see if it ripped or anything?" I nod to the nurse and she lifts up my gown, making sure my legs are covered with the blanket. She peels off the large-ish, white plaster that covers my lower abdomen. And I see the scar that will forever remind me of the child I lost. The child we lost. But also of the miracle that is our son.

The scar is fine, though. She puts some cream on it and re-plasters it.

Then she leaves the room.

…

Zeke's POV:

All of us are still sitting in the waiting room, waiting for someone to come out with some news on Tris and the baby. And when her nurse walks out again I have had enough of the silence and I go over to her.

"Look, we've been waiting for like a whole day on news about our friend and her child. Can you please tell us what's going on?" I ask.

She gives me a sympathetic look and nods.

I lead her over to where we are all sitting and take my seat next to Shauna, who is holding our son.

And when she tells us, everything, we're all crying.

They lost their daughter, but they have a son now.

I can't even imagine how they're feeling right now. What they're going through.

I feel so guilty for letting Natalie and Andrew in now, but by the way they rush out I can tell that we're not going to be seeing them anytime soon. I hope so anyway.

"I suggest you guys give them some space and time. Maybe go home and get some rest. Come back tomorrow. But it's going to take them a while to heal. So don't try to rush them or anything. Okay?"

We all nod. And we all head home.

The whole night Shauna and I spend with our son, protecting him from the bad things in this world, we even let him sleep with us. None of us could imagine losing him, but our friends lost one of their children. They only child they knew about.

I just hope their son is okay.

**Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait for the chapter. **

**If you are reading my story Love Goes On can you please go and answer the poll question on my page for it? It will help me out a lot. Thanks. **

**Also, I have now made a Facebook page for my writing, photography and film making (when I get around to making short films and music videos). The link for it is on my page, but my name on the Facebook page is Paige Madison Makepeace and my profile pic is a selfie of me wearing an orange jumper, there is some of my photography of Devon on there, and some stuff about my writing. On this page you will be able to find out what I am doing and when in terms of the three things I have mentioned it being about. You will also be able to message me whenever about whatever, whether you want to ask me a question or just want to talk, and I will reply when I can. **

**You can of course PM me on here at any time and I will reply when I can. **

**You can also follow my Instagram paige_madison_makepeace and message me on there. **

**Or my Tumblr paigemakepeace and message me on there. **

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	38. True Family

Life after Loss

Chapter 38: True Family

I am released from the infirmary a week after being admitted. But I don't go home. Not straight away.

Instead I am sat in the room my son is in, wearing some black leggings and one of Tobias' black jumpers, my hair in a messy bun. Watching. Waiting. Hoping. Holding his hand. Tobias is here, too. We haven't seen our friends/family all week. Once they found out they thought they'd give us some space. I don't mind. Right now I really only want Tobias, and our son… and Taylor. But she's gone.

Tyler's doing well. The nurses have said that he should be allowed home in at least a week, but no later than three weeks. But it still feels like an eternity. I just want to take him home, with us. And be his mum. That's all I want.

We haven't even been able to hold him yet. Our own son.

They took some of my breast milk to give to him since it will help him develop better and stronger.

My stomach is back to the size it was before the pregnancy. And the scar… whenever I see it all I can think about is Taylor.

Our family have gone out and bought a load of clothes and toys for him. Since most of what we had were girly clothes and toys. We're keeping the unisex stuff and putting the stuff that was meant for Taylor in the closet. I don't know why. Zeke told Tobias it was just in case we have a daughter one day, and so we can have things to remind us of her.

But anyways, instead of just wearing a hat and a diaper, Tyler is now wearing one of the onesies we have for him as well. It's one of the unisex ones that was meant for his sister, but it's okay. It's for him now.

We had our own little private funeral for Taylor yesterday. It was just me and Tobias there. She's buried just outside of Dauntless. In the middle of a patch of trees so it's more private. But before we were given prints of her hands and feet in a block of clay that has her name and date of birth/death on. We were also given some pictures and some other things. It's all in our bedroom at home. Tobias put them there when he went to go and get some more clothes for me to change into.

…

After visiting hours are over Tobias and I decide to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Not because we want to be surrounded by people but because neither of us are in the mood to make anything to eat right now.

Zeke's the first one to see us, and he jumps up, running over to us. He hugs me the way he did after dad died, the way he does when I'm ill or upset.

He holds me for a few minutes before leading me to the table everyone is sitting at. I sit between him and Tobias.

We eat in silence, all of us not saying a word.

But I like it. I like the silence. I know they're all going to be there for me, because they're my true family, and that's what family do. And I know that none of them are going to leave me. I know they will always love me.

And I will always be there for them. I will never leave them. And I will always love them.

Because that's what true family does. And this is my family.

For a while, after being adopted, I didn't think of them as my true family, yeah, they were a family, but they weren't my true parents, or true siblings.

But now I realise they are my true family. They are the ones that were always there for me. Not Natalie or Andrew, not even Caleb. I didn't even know about Ellie. But Hana, Zeke, Uriah, and everyone else… they're my family. Caleb and Ellie come into that, but they weren't there for most of my life.

After we've eaten mum asks if I want to go round to hers for a little while. I just nod. I need her right now. Tobias doesn't mind, so I give him a light kiss and follow mum out of the cafeteria.

As soon as we're in her apartment I break down, and she holds me, telling me everything's going to be okay. She holds me the way she does when I'm ill, or hurt, or upset, or when I have a nightmare.

She holds me until I cry myself to sleep.

**Hey, sorry for the wait.**

**I will update again when I can. **

**Please review!**


	39. Taking him home

Life after Loss

Chapter 39: Taking him home

Two weeks later is when we are allowed to take Tyler home. Thank god. He is three weeks old now. He weighs six pounds and five ounces, so he's still small, but his organs and everything are developed properly, and he can breathe on his own. So he's allowed to come home.

We enter his room, actually smiling, for the first time in three weeks. Tobias holds the changing bag which has all the stuff we need in it.

The doctor, who was already in the room, picks out son up out of the incubator and places him gently in my arms. This is the first time I've held him, and he's perfect. His grey/blue eyes, my eyes, look up at me in awe, and his little tufts of brown hair, Tobias' hair, is all messy from laying down and wearing a hat.

I kiss his forehead gently, for the first time.

I let him hold my finger, for the millionth time.

"I'll leave you to it. You're free to leave whenever you're ready. I have already signed you out. If you need anything just ask a nurse to come and help you." The doctor says. We thank him and he leaves the room.

Tobias comes and stands in front of me, staring at our son in amazement. Smiling brighter than I have ever seen him smile.

"We should, uh, get him dressed so we can take him home." He whispers, still looking at our son.

"Yeah." I reply.

I kiss Tobias' cheek and together we change his diaper, his onesie and I feed him before we walk home. As a family. Tobias holding him now whilst I hold the changing bag. When we get home we lay on our bed, our son in the middle of us. He's sleeping. We lay on our sides so we can see him, and each other.

"I'm glad he's finally home. So we can be parents to him." Tobias says.

"Yeah." I mutter, thinking of Taylor and how much happier I'd be if she was here as well. I am happy, trust me, I am. But we lost our daughter.

Tears fill my eyes and Tobias must be able to tell who I'm thinking about because sadness fills his as well.

"We'll have a daughter one day, Tris. I promise."

"I know." But I don't know. I'm just giving into his hope because that is all I need right now.

Hope.

It's a powerful thing. But I'm consumed in fear as well.

"We'll be okay, you and me. I love you, Tris."

"I love you, too."

And eventually I find myself consumed in darkness.

Hey Ravens, I am so sorry for the wait but I have been busy with College work, and I've been in so much pain recently that I just haven't been feeling like writing much.

Also, someone reviewed on one of my stories saying that I have something against Four and Tris having a daughter, I really don't have anything against that considering in my fanfictions they always have at least one daughter. And in Love at Divergent High they had two. I honestly don't have anything against them having a daughter, but if I let every baby they get pregnant with survive it's not very realistic since there are people who have miscarriages or lose children in other ways. I don't like writing about things like that but I do to make my stories a little more realistic, and I try not to make them lose too many children. But if I do it's all for the story. That person also said that I always make it the same where Tris is really upset for ages after the miscarriage. But isn't that how you're supposed to be after a miscarriage? If I ever have a miscarriage I'd be upset for a while after it. I'm 17 and I've never been pregnant before, but if I was and I did lose my child I'd be devastated.

Another thing, someone asked on either this story or Love Goes On, I think, a while back asking if I have PTSD since I know a lot about it. No, I don't have PTSD I just do my research about the things I want to write about so I can make it as realistic as possible.

And, one more thing, I have now made my original short story available as a paperback on Amazon. It's called The Party, and my name is Paige Madison Makepeace. It's about a girl named Grace. It would mean a lot if you could purchase it for me since I really need the money, and it would make me so happy. It's available on Kindle still as well.

I will update again when I can.

Please review!


	40. Epilogue

Life after Loss

Epilogue

Ten years pass and things are looking up. Of course we're still sad about losing our daughter, we think about her all the time, how couldn't we be sad, she was ours. But things are getting better.

Tobias proposed to me the night we took Tyler home. We got married a month later. It was a beautiful wedding. It was simple and only our family was there. When I say our family I mean our friends and my adoptive family, as well as Caleb, Ellie and our son. But it was one of the best days of my life.

Tyler is the most amazing son we could have asked for. He's brave, smart, selfless, honest and kind. But we don't mind him being that way. We don't mind him being Divergent. There's nothing to be scared of now that Divergents are accepted in society. They, we, don't have to fear being caught and killed. Instead we can fear normal things like spider, or heights, or drowning.

We did end up having another daughter. We named her Hana Taylor Eaton and she is now six years old, she was born four years after Tyler and Taylor were. Tobias was twenty-two and I was twenty. She's amazing also. She has Tobias' facial features and my hair, which is the opposite of Tyler. But she's the best daughter we could have asked for. She's also Divergent, you can tell by the way she acts. But again, we don't mind.

Two years ago I gave birth to our third child, another son. His name is James Ezekiel Eaton. Again, we suspect he may be Divergent, although he's only two years old he is incredibly intelligent, and he's brave as well. But, again, we don't mind.

I am also currently twelve weeks pregnant with our fourth child. We did say we'd stop after James was born but we changed our minds. I know Tobias is hoping for another girl, but I also know that he wouldn't mind either way.

Everyone else is doing well as well. They're all living great lives. Caleb has gotten married and has a daughter named Aria. Ellie is engaged to the love of her life. Christina and Will are married and have five-year-old twin boys called Spencer and Toby. Zeke and Shauna are still married and Mike is doing well, they are trying for another baby but haven't had much luck yet. Uriah and Marlene are married and pregnant with their first child. Lynn is married to a girl called Tamara.

I still call Hana mum. Because she is my mum. Even if she wasn't in my first five years of life, she has been my mum from that moment in time and I love her. She has always been there for me.

Thankfully Natalie and Andrew haven't come back in the years since we last saw them. None of us know what happened to them but I don't really care. None of us do. Not after what they did to us. To me.

Also, the people in the Bureau haven't come looking for us either which is also a good thing. It means we can live our lives in peace.

My PTSD is getting better, now that I know what happened when I was five was faked it doesn't get to me as much as it used to. I'm better.

It means we can be happy.

And we are happy. Even if we are also sad.

But life is treating us good at the moment. And I want the goodness in our lives to last.

**Hey Ravens. I am sorry for taking forever to update but I have been busy with college work, I've been in a lot of pain, and I've found a part time job because I need the money. I've also been ill a few time. And I've had writers block, which is why I have decided to end this story now, because I didn't know what else to write for it and I figured this would be a good point to end it at. **

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this story, if you're lucky I might write another fanfic soon, I have a bunch of ideas I just don't have the time to write them. **

**I will continue updating my other fanfics when I can. But in the meantime please review!**


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